in her liver & pancreas.
Next step is chemotherapy, but I think that is for the liver & 'to make her comfortable'.
Dr. said it would be foolish for him to give a 'life expectancy', since no one really knows. He is kind & has been their family physician for years, was my grandma's doctor too.
But I've done the research, I KNOW it's serious.
It is what it is.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
It's a MIRACLE!
The first & I guess most important, biopsy came back NEGATIVE!
The one that 2 different doctors were SURE were fatal. NEGATIVE! :o) ;o) :o)
There are still 2 more biopsys & results we are waiting for but both of those have treatment plans/options.
My mom is coming home from the hospital today.
I thought I had already witnessed more than enough miracles in my own life.....apparently GOD is so grascious that HE provides room for MORE!
I know everyone's prayers are directly responsible for God's mercy right now.
I will totally relax once all tests come back & we know the next course of action. I can't believe how CRAZY this has all been.
today: PRAISE the LORD!
The one that 2 different doctors were SURE were fatal. NEGATIVE! :o) ;o) :o)
There are still 2 more biopsys & results we are waiting for but both of those have treatment plans/options.
My mom is coming home from the hospital today.
I thought I had already witnessed more than enough miracles in my own life.....apparently GOD is so grascious that HE provides room for MORE!
I know everyone's prayers are directly responsible for God's mercy right now.
I will totally relax once all tests come back & we know the next course of action. I can't believe how CRAZY this has all been.
today: PRAISE the LORD!
Monday, August 28, 2006
I have a question?
HOW is it possible to FEEL numb AND physically hurt in every inch of your body @ the same time?
Sunday, August 27, 2006
I can't think straight
My mom is 50 yo. I am 33.
Today the doctor said he believes she has pancreatic cancer & has 6-12 mos to live.
My dad is a wreck...they've been together since highschool---she IS everything to him.
I can't think straight.
Everyday they do ONE test! She's been in the hospital since 2:30 am Thursday morning w/ severe abdominal pain.
Scope down her throat today....revealed a 'blockage' from the pancreas to the liver?
Surgeon, tonight saw her & is concerned about a fever she has that has gotten worse, if it does not improve, wants to remove her gall bladder.
My whole family is in SHOCK. My grandma just died in June, she was 91.
Mom is still in continuous pain but they give her morphine shots....
I can't think straight. I want to vomit.
I just can't believe this---but it is what it is.
I just want her to come home so we can just LIVE whatever time is left....
Tomorrow is a liver biopsy & a week from Thursday is a pancreas biopsy. If they do the gall bladder surgery---then they will know everything instantly....@ least that is what the doctor said a few days ago....
It is what it is.
She acts like nothing when we are around...but thank goodness a friend was able to visit w/ her tonight & my mom shared more heartfelt, she is confused, scared...to say the least.
I want to go to disneyland. We have passes. I want to go everyday.
Today the doctor said he believes she has pancreatic cancer & has 6-12 mos to live.
My dad is a wreck...they've been together since highschool---she IS everything to him.
I can't think straight.
Everyday they do ONE test! She's been in the hospital since 2:30 am Thursday morning w/ severe abdominal pain.
Scope down her throat today....revealed a 'blockage' from the pancreas to the liver?
Surgeon, tonight saw her & is concerned about a fever she has that has gotten worse, if it does not improve, wants to remove her gall bladder.
My whole family is in SHOCK. My grandma just died in June, she was 91.
Mom is still in continuous pain but they give her morphine shots....
I can't think straight. I want to vomit.
I just can't believe this---but it is what it is.
I just want her to come home so we can just LIVE whatever time is left....
Tomorrow is a liver biopsy & a week from Thursday is a pancreas biopsy. If they do the gall bladder surgery---then they will know everything instantly....@ least that is what the doctor said a few days ago....
It is what it is.
She acts like nothing when we are around...but thank goodness a friend was able to visit w/ her tonight & my mom shared more heartfelt, she is confused, scared...to say the least.
I want to go to disneyland. We have passes. I want to go everyday.
My entire body hurts. Everything.
I can't think straight.
I can't think.
I can't.
Last night....
I dreamt of funerals....of people I did not know but my mom was there w/ me, she kept introducing me to people I did not know: This is my daughter.
I stayed up as late as possible last night so I could finally sleep. It was around 1:30 am when I went to bed. I immediately woke up & I think it was 7:30 am....numbers filled my head. Statistics, survival rates, life expectancies, swirling & not stopping. I tried to lay there, hoping I would, could, go back to sleep.....the numbers kept swirling.
I took a shower. I finally decided to ride my bike, maybe that would clear my head, calm my brain.
My bike kinda had a flat tire...so I came back & got some change for air...I got to the gas station, it's 75 cents now...last time I ever put air it was a quarter. I had 2. I rode my bike to one main street & back around anyway.
Tomorrow I will put air.
My dad called while I was starting to get everyone ready to go....he could barely talk.
I took a bunch of deep breathes. Doctor says 6 to 12 months to live.
I said ok, I know. Go wash your face, take a deep breath & go w/ mom. I will call my brother & my aunt. (mom's sister)
Then we left.
Who's life am I living?
I stayed up as late as possible last night so I could finally sleep. It was around 1:30 am when I went to bed. I immediately woke up & I think it was 7:30 am....numbers filled my head. Statistics, survival rates, life expectancies, swirling & not stopping. I tried to lay there, hoping I would, could, go back to sleep.....the numbers kept swirling.
I took a shower. I finally decided to ride my bike, maybe that would clear my head, calm my brain.
My bike kinda had a flat tire...so I came back & got some change for air...I got to the gas station, it's 75 cents now...last time I ever put air it was a quarter. I had 2. I rode my bike to one main street & back around anyway.
Tomorrow I will put air.
My dad called while I was starting to get everyone ready to go....he could barely talk.
I took a bunch of deep breathes. Doctor says 6 to 12 months to live.
I said ok, I know. Go wash your face, take a deep breath & go w/ mom. I will call my brother & my aunt. (mom's sister)
Then we left.
Who's life am I living?
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Someone needs to be SHOT & HUNG by their stethoscope!
RE: previous post
A "doctor" came into my mom's room tonight, the doctor on call in place of my mom's regular doctor who is on vacation......I believe this is the FIRST time he's seen her since she went to the hospital. (3 nights ago)
The dr. she's most comfortable w/ & who has been working w/ her is the GI doc & then there's also a surgeon...
So this guy (dr) comes in & tells her & my dad that to him, it looks like she has INOPERABLE PANCREATIC CANCER, & it's VERY AGGRESSIVE. AND THEN LEAVES!
My dad calls me, he's a WRECK! He's crying , he had already called my brother & was crying when he spoke to him too....I volunteer to call my aunt in OR..she's upset....My mom calls me to google the life expectancy for patients w/ inoperable pancreatic cancer.....I cancel my biz party for tonight, the hostess was very understanding, given the cirumstances...
I get to the hospital ASAP....The GI doctor called right before I got there & says they DON'T KNOW for sure! He CAN'T SAY FOR SURE WHAT it is until they do the other tests they had planned....so REALLY they DON"T know if it's cancer or not.
WHO does this to a patient? to a family? WHAT KIND of doctor is allowed to practice medicine like that? kwim?
What kind of HUMAN BEING does that to a person & their family? DO you know how UPSETTING that was?
I can't believe this....I am emotionally drained from these last couple of hours! I called a few friends & had to leave messages to pray for our family & then I had to call back & say NEVERMIND! kwim?
This is freaking ridiculous!!!!!
WHO says that w/o CERTAINTY to a patient? kwim?
NOW I think the diagnosis will probably end up the same....it's ALL I can think BUT I figure they do chemo therapy or something right?
We won't know for sure for @ least 2 weeks I figure.
Can I sue for this? I mean really. This was REALLY emotionally distressful! If I can't sue then I think that dr should be FIRED! @ the least!
A "doctor" came into my mom's room tonight, the doctor on call in place of my mom's regular doctor who is on vacation......I believe this is the FIRST time he's seen her since she went to the hospital. (3 nights ago)
The dr. she's most comfortable w/ & who has been working w/ her is the GI doc & then there's also a surgeon...
So this guy (dr) comes in & tells her & my dad that to him, it looks like she has INOPERABLE PANCREATIC CANCER, & it's VERY AGGRESSIVE. AND THEN LEAVES!
My dad calls me, he's a WRECK! He's crying , he had already called my brother & was crying when he spoke to him too....I volunteer to call my aunt in OR..she's upset....My mom calls me to google the life expectancy for patients w/ inoperable pancreatic cancer.....I cancel my biz party for tonight, the hostess was very understanding, given the cirumstances...
I get to the hospital ASAP....The GI doctor called right before I got there & says they DON'T KNOW for sure! He CAN'T SAY FOR SURE WHAT it is until they do the other tests they had planned....so REALLY they DON"T know if it's cancer or not.
WHO does this to a patient? to a family? WHAT KIND of doctor is allowed to practice medicine like that? kwim?
What kind of HUMAN BEING does that to a person & their family? DO you know how UPSETTING that was?
I can't believe this....I am emotionally drained from these last couple of hours! I called a few friends & had to leave messages to pray for our family & then I had to call back & say NEVERMIND! kwim?
This is freaking ridiculous!!!!!
WHO says that w/o CERTAINTY to a patient? kwim?
NOW I think the diagnosis will probably end up the same....it's ALL I can think BUT I figure they do chemo therapy or something right?
We won't know for sure for @ least 2 weeks I figure.
Can I sue for this? I mean really. This was REALLY emotionally distressful! If I can't sue then I think that dr should be FIRED! @ the least!
I wish......
I was 12......
and still hated my mother....
life was simpler then
I could never have imagined.....
my dad would call me & w/ his voice cracking.....
I would volunteer to call my aunt & give her "the news"......
my mom would ask me to google the life expectancy.....
INOPERABLE PANCREATIC CANCER
Thursday, August 17, 2006
I was out of town...
Last weekend was our annual Business Convention for my direct sales biz. It was a little fun & alotta tiring. lol
A few highlights:
I was awarded the title of Ms. Eros. lol I sold the highest % in the company for that particular product. I received a free bottle of it and a gorgeous rhinestone necklace & matching earrings.
(I'm trying to post a pic but blogger is being wierd, will do later)
The new catalog was debuted & it is very cute w/ lots of wonderful new products......AND they titled them after one of my catch phrases: Mild to Wild. I always say we've got everything, from Mild to Wild. So there are now 2 catalogs, one entitled Mild that contains lotions & massage oils & lotions, body scrub, bath products ect. Then one entitled Wild, that contains the more intimate items. I LOVE it!
Last but not least...I am featured in our new recruiting brochure. It has a lovely picture of my family & a brief business testimonial. I feel special. ;o)
Most of the training was business tactics I already know...but it was very motivating & helped me realize a few things in my personal day to day life I'd like to change. I set some business goals & am motivated to go after them. I'm really excited. ;o)
A few highlights:
I was awarded the title of Ms. Eros. lol I sold the highest % in the company for that particular product. I received a free bottle of it and a gorgeous rhinestone necklace & matching earrings.
(I'm trying to post a pic but blogger is being wierd, will do later)
The new catalog was debuted & it is very cute w/ lots of wonderful new products......AND they titled them after one of my catch phrases: Mild to Wild. I always say we've got everything, from Mild to Wild. So there are now 2 catalogs, one entitled Mild that contains lotions & massage oils & lotions, body scrub, bath products ect. Then one entitled Wild, that contains the more intimate items. I LOVE it!
Last but not least...I am featured in our new recruiting brochure. It has a lovely picture of my family & a brief business testimonial. I feel special. ;o)
Most of the training was business tactics I already know...but it was very motivating & helped me realize a few things in my personal day to day life I'd like to change. I set some business goals & am motivated to go after them. I'm really excited. ;o)
Friday, August 11, 2006
World Trade Center
I thought the movie was EXCELLENT & very well done!
I think Oliver Stone did a great job of easing up on the emotional strain & intense moments....just when you think you can't take another moment...the screen goes black & THEN the scene changes.
NOT political @ all! I appreciated that.
I was amazed @ the fact that WE in CA, knew what was going on even before the NYers on the ground did. All the confusion & lack of communication.
I liked that it was about a couple of real people & not overwhelmingly about everyone & everything.
I thought it was a tasteful & excellent account of the events of 9/11.
I think Oliver Stone did a great job of easing up on the emotional strain & intense moments....just when you think you can't take another moment...the screen goes black & THEN the scene changes.
NOT political @ all! I appreciated that.
I was amazed @ the fact that WE in CA, knew what was going on even before the NYers on the ground did. All the confusion & lack of communication.
I liked that it was about a couple of real people & not overwhelmingly about everyone & everything.
I thought it was a tasteful & excellent account of the events of 9/11.
Ever been to the Elks Lodge?
I can now say that I HAVE! lol
Dh & his best friend belong to a city Tennis Club. We think they are the YOUNGEST members. The club holds 'socials' all the time. Of course we never go. Dh & best friend joke that they probably all play shuffle board all night.
Well dh Best friend, Forrest, thought it might be funny to go this time. It was all you can eat pizza for $9! haha, real funny. Since DH had the night off we agreed. He & his W & DH & I all pull up to the Elks Lodge w/ it's neon Vegas Style 'ELKS' sign across the top of the building.
We can't open the door...you have to be 'buzzed' in...oooohhhhh! Someone finally does & we step in....& back in time about 45 years. The place reeks of old smoke. (smoking indoors is no longer legal in our state) Everything is dark brown wood w/ the high gloss sheen of way too many coats of polyurethane.
They recognize noone. In true Improviser fashion, F 'assumes competence' (rule #1) & walks right in & leads us to a table. I want to leave immediately as all the 70 year old pairs of eyes looked up from their chicken pot pies to check us out.
Finally DH goes up to the bar to ask some questions. He is informed that he must be 'signed in' by an Elks member. oops! And that hte tennis club members come every week, eat pizza then go upstairs to play....shuffleboard.
Another man approaches us @ the table & F explains they are members of the Tennis Club & are here for the social. He gives F pg wife a few extra pats on the shoulders & states that the club members should be there anytime now, they come every week.
We sit a few more minutes...I suggest we go to a real restaurant & hang out, I mena we got a sitter & everything! Dh & F decide to go ask the cashier @ the buffet counter if she knows anything. We hear her exclaim very loudly: "oh! That's tomorrow night!"
We left soon after. lolololol
We went from being the youngest people @ the Elks lodge to the oldest people @ the movie theater. funny.
Dh & his best friend belong to a city Tennis Club. We think they are the YOUNGEST members. The club holds 'socials' all the time. Of course we never go. Dh & best friend joke that they probably all play shuffle board all night.
Well dh Best friend, Forrest, thought it might be funny to go this time. It was all you can eat pizza for $9! haha, real funny. Since DH had the night off we agreed. He & his W & DH & I all pull up to the Elks Lodge w/ it's neon Vegas Style 'ELKS' sign across the top of the building.
We can't open the door...you have to be 'buzzed' in...oooohhhhh! Someone finally does & we step in....& back in time about 45 years. The place reeks of old smoke. (smoking indoors is no longer legal in our state) Everything is dark brown wood w/ the high gloss sheen of way too many coats of polyurethane.
They recognize noone. In true Improviser fashion, F 'assumes competence' (rule #1) & walks right in & leads us to a table. I want to leave immediately as all the 70 year old pairs of eyes looked up from their chicken pot pies to check us out.
Finally DH goes up to the bar to ask some questions. He is informed that he must be 'signed in' by an Elks member. oops! And that hte tennis club members come every week, eat pizza then go upstairs to play....shuffleboard.
Another man approaches us @ the table & F explains they are members of the Tennis Club & are here for the social. He gives F pg wife a few extra pats on the shoulders & states that the club members should be there anytime now, they come every week.
We sit a few more minutes...I suggest we go to a real restaurant & hang out, I mena we got a sitter & everything! Dh & F decide to go ask the cashier @ the buffet counter if she knows anything. We hear her exclaim very loudly: "oh! That's tomorrow night!"
We left soon after. lolololol
We went from being the youngest people @ the Elks lodge to the oldest people @ the movie theater. funny.
Monday, August 7, 2006
Remember those.....
summer goals?
Well i did finish my giant beach towel blanket, oldest finished summer school & did a quarters worth of school work in 1 month for 3 subjects, we've so far enjoyed 23 'special events' this summer & established a weekly routine of Library Mondays! We go to the library EVERY Monday AND we've actually been reading & finishing our books. lol
So that is officially 4 out of 10 summer goals....w/4 more weeks left.
I may not accomplish them all, I realize, but I am pleased that what we/I have accomplished, have been the most important.
I plan on getting into that spare room THIS week...I might even do a 'clean sweep' & take everything out of the room & place it on a tarp in the backyard & go from there. Here's hoping. ;o)
Well i did finish my giant beach towel blanket, oldest finished summer school & did a quarters worth of school work in 1 month for 3 subjects, we've so far enjoyed 23 'special events' this summer & established a weekly routine of Library Mondays! We go to the library EVERY Monday AND we've actually been reading & finishing our books. lol
So that is officially 4 out of 10 summer goals....w/4 more weeks left.
I may not accomplish them all, I realize, but I am pleased that what we/I have accomplished, have been the most important.
I plan on getting into that spare room THIS week...I might even do a 'clean sweep' & take everything out of the room & place it on a tarp in the backyard & go from there. Here's hoping. ;o)
Saturday, August 5, 2006
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