So there's this *stuff* called Kefir...

I don't know, is it a grain? a bacteria? a culture?

Whatever it is exactly, it's reported to be *really* good for you.
An E-friend sent me some *grains* so I can *grow* my own & culture my milk to make it healthier.

Yah, it sounds a bit confusing hanh?
But I trust her & a bit of online research confirms the health benefits of ingesting such a *thing*.

You can read about it here. Or just google it yourself.

I am not an immediate fan of drinking it straight out yet, too tart for me. Plus I am having foody/texture issues lately due to a little thing called *pregnancy*, but it's fine if I add it to something else....such as cooked oatmeal, cream of wheat, malt-o-meal, tea, hot chocolate (prolly not the most healthy use, but whatever). etc.

So far so...good? Interesting?

But I read up on it just tonight so I could have more details to share w/ others, of my new found knowledge besides just: it's *supposed* to be *really* good for you. duh! lol

I've come to realize pretty much all ailments begin in our intestines & the #1 result of ingesting kefir is returning the intestinal tract to prime digestive condition. Ingesting kefir can result in the improvement if not disappearance of many physical ailments....even acne!

Another new *food* is coconut oil. It's actually the consistency of chapstick. Yep, chapstick, you can use it as chapstick too, actually. Go figure. Personally, I am now in *love*. It is just so deliscious! Anything you would use butter or oil for, you can use coconut oil. Seriously. I even put it in my tea to add flavor. Weird I know, to have oil in your tea, but it sure did taste extra good.

All those hot breakfast foods I mentioned above...also added coconut oil too. So yummy in oatmeal.

I oiled my cast iron skillet in it to cook pancakes...absolutely delish!!
I even spread it on my belly to moisturize! Not only did my skin really soften up in this recent dry air, but I smelled pretty good too.

I am excited to learn even more about nutrition this year. One step @ a time. I want to be as healthy as possible for baby, while pg...as well being a mom of *advanced maternal age*. Yah, I didn't know 35 was considered being of AMA either!!! But apparently it IS! There are even specific books @ the library written *just* for *older moms*, older meaning 35 & up. Nice! {eyeroll}

I guess they want to make sure my brain is no longer confused into thinking I'm still 28! :-) Why else would I keep being reminded? O for the love of all that is youthful! Cut a girl a break will ya? ;-)

I've got my own Stage!!!

My guys cleaned up the backyard today & the room that is attached to the garage (aka: The Lair), in preparation for our NYE Partaaaay! lol

Then they rearranged everything to make spots for the fire pit.

The topper?

They built a stage!!!

So we will be doing Karaoke outside, in the back yard this year! Then they even painted it w/ the left-over paint I had from painting my bed last year. They also set up lots of Christmas lights in the tree & bushes around it.

It looks pretty neat.

So The Lair will be for video games, projected onto the wall to make it a HUGE big screen, the house will be for food & the back yard will be for Karaoke!

I hope people actually show up. I know *I* will be singing (ahem...performing).

O! & we got a new little dog tonight. A chihuahua. He seems very mild mannered. So he gets to stay inside....I feel a bit bad for our other dog....

back to being ME!

Holidays have a tendency to heighten feelings, especially negative ones.
Hey, pregnancy does too. lol

Add on aches, pains & migraines...

Today, as I lay in my cozy warm bed, imagining it was too cold to get out & *do* anything else, even though my DH was going out to play a game of tennis...I realized I did not want to BE the achy, whiny, depressed kt.

I refuse to allow negative memories to BE me.
I refuse to let an achy back BE me,.
I refused to let a migraine BE me.
I refuse to let all these complaints BE me.

I have a choice.

So I threw off the covers & got UP!
It took me awhile to get myself together, dressed, find missing running shoe, brush my teeth, make numerous jic trips to the restroom before I headed out...but then I got the dog & we were off.

I did a warm-up mile. Then decided to go for it! I actually moved faster than a walk, some would call it a jog, whatever. lol Then a cool-down mile.

I choose my attitude, my self.

The run portion wasn't too uncomfortable for being 25 weeks pg. Seriously.

No whining, no more sitting down feeling so blah.
I swear running is God designed therapy!!!

When all else fails or your life sux (which mine does not, but still) you can *always* take a run!!! (or walk)

For a few minutes I felt like *me* again. @ least the *me* I want to be. The me that is strong in body & spirit. The *me* that is not defined by circumstances or disappointments. The *me* not defined by whining, aches & pains or migraines that last 3-5 days!

I am the *me* that looks forward to tomorrow, a brand new day!
The *me* that has choices, choices on how to respond to circumstances, friends, family & life's curve balls AND disappointments.

The *me* that chooses to make the best out of everyday.
The *me* that can cut herself some slack, take a rest when needed & keep moving forward no matter what.

The *me* that recognizes that I am one of the *most* blessed people I know.
Plus, I *crack* myself up....on a regular basis! lol :-)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Finally a moment to SIT! whew!

This evening's menu:
Turkey
Steamed vegetables smothered in cheese
Mashed potatoes
stuffing
Pumpkin Pie
Apple Pie
Cheese cake (assorted)
Mac N Cheese w/ Peas
biscuits (if the turkey gets done in time)

snacks:
mixed nuts
tropical trail mix
cranberries
cheese cubes
bell pepper slices
raw carrots
slightly over cooked blueberry muffins.

Menu is a mix of home-made (scratch), home cooked & store bought.

DH has done most of the cooking while I supervised cleaning & setting the "buffet" style table.

Now we wait for 'guests'.

I hope everyone is home enjoying thier family & relaxing. ;-)

The Manna Christmas

Oldest DS has dubbed this the Manna Christmas!
It's quite fitting & I agree w/ him.

We have been so remarkably blessed. A care group from our church blessed us w/ boxes & boxes & boxes of food. Which was generous enough on it's own.

But also, (I think I blogged it?) took me shopping @ Walmart for gifts for my kiddos (can't post them oldest reads sometimes! lol) BUT also, along w/ the food were wrapped gifts for our family & more unwrapped toys & goodies for the kiddos. I mean lots of fun stuff. I mean *a lot* of fun stuff. Even a whole gift bag full of cutesy bath items like shower gels, bath salts & scrubs, body butters, lotions, soaps & candles!!!

How sweet is that?

And items we take for granted everyday...until we really don't have a dime to spend on them, like razors, tissue, *toilet paper* (hello!!!!!), toothpaste, toothbrushes, & even *mascara*!!!!

I mean who thinks to donate mascara? kwim? I thought that was *really* thoughtful! Seriously. It all could have been a few things for my kiddos! kwim?

We really needed TP & toothpaste. We could use baking soda, I don't mind, but my kiddos aren't fond of the taste. lol I personally prefer the all naturalness of it & w/ a little peroxide it's the *best* tooth whitener!

God cares so much about us. Even the fine details like TP! kwim? Seriously, I've been to Africa...no TP is not really a big deal *to me*. I know how to make due. It sure is nice though. :-)

I wrote in my Serious Sideways blog awhile ago about the Manna God provided the Hebrews. It wasn't anything they had ever seen before & certainly *not* what they expected...& yet it was provision. God's provision for my family, through out the years & most recently, is certainly not anything I could have expected or imagined. & yet it's more than sufficient.

I could even *give* gifts this season if I so decide, there is so much.

When I brought oldest into the bedroom to see all the gifts spread out on the bed, he gave it the name. Manna Christmas. Perfect!

It has been so exciting to see God work in this way. Even more so the lessons (I hope) that my family (kiddos especially) are going to be able to see, recognize & remember. I hope this will set a firm foundation in their own lives so that it won't take them 35 years to realize how much they *can* trust God to always be there for them when they decide to follow Him whole heartily.

I also realize it's more than just a lesson about *provision*...it's a lesson in faith & commitment. A choice to follow God, to persevere, no matter what, in good times & bad. In good times...AND bad! Where have we heard *that* phrase before? hhhmmm....??? :-) And trust. Are we willing to trust God in prosperous AND lean times? Do we trust Him even in the fine details.....like toothpaste & toilet paper? Do we believe He cares even about the fine details?

And what effect will this have on our lives during the prosperous times? I believe that will be the true test.....

Tea Pot Follow-up

I'm over it.

I can LOL about it now.

I mean how can you *not* LOL over the idea of needing a good private cry but even the smell of your bathroom interupts you? kwim?

Reality never ends. :-)

When kids RUIN something valuable.

Doing well to hold back the tears right now but I feel a bit enraged inside.
It was an accident.

I should not have left it on the counter, so close to the edge even.
I had cleared my tea set off of the hutch so they could set up our winter village as part of the Christmas decor.

I washed everything fresh & set it all away in the cupboard.
Except that.

She spilled her orange juice all over the floor & about had a melt down.
I told her calmly it was ok, stop crying, just clean it up.
NBD, right?

I expected her to get a towel.
Instead she went to the kitchen to get a *paper* towel.
I think paper towels are a waste of $$$$ & never buy them but someone had given us a roll.
They've come in handy...until today.

I hear a crash, something breaks, OH! NO! & she's sobbing.

I expected to see a glass salad bowl or something.
If she's not crying from being hurt---ok, then stop crying.
But it wasn't a plain glass salad bowl.

It was my teapot.
My favorite.
The most cutest teapot.
My Mary Englebreit teapot...that has a matching teacup & saucer.
The one from my birthday (29th?) I was pg w/ Sam I think....My mom had arranged for *everyone* in the family to chip in & they each got me a ME teacup & saucer set.
I think actually she had DH purchase the teapot....but I always felt the *set* was really from her.

My mind is telling me it's *just* ceramic.
My mind tells me it is no one's fault...unless it's mine for leaving it there.
There was no more room in the cupboard for it.

I pick up the large pieces & toss them in the trash.
Hoping the sound of the crashing pieces will compliment the mixed emotions I'm holding in.
I tell oldest to sweep up all the rest.

Where can I go?
What can I do?

DH is in the bedroom watching football.
I suddenly feel very annoyed that he does not even come out to check on what is going on.
He must've heard the crash.
The loud sobbing?

Want to blame someone.
Want to be mad.

I go to the restroom to cry it out.
Except the restroom STINKS!
I'm certainly not going to hide out in here then!
I can't even have a comforting cry?
I can't hold back the tears streaming down my face.

I want to rinse my face w/ cool fresh water, but I wore make-up today.
I don't want to mess up what's left of it.


What's a mom to do?
Once again...suck it up.
Write it out.

So the process continues....let it go...letting it *all* go..........
{sigh}

I refuse to believe that teapot is some how metaphorically symbolic of my life.

Up to the challenge?

Normally I would post this on my Serious Sideways blog but it was too good not to put it on my main one. The complete article is great & it hit me where my heart is right now!


Excerpt taken from: The Church I Want by Shaun Groves.


Allegiance. Slavery. Collective Mission.

Allegiance…
I want church membership to be meaningful, first of all. It shouldn’t be easy to be a member. Most people in a church on Sunday morning won’t be able to commit to what I believe churches should ask of their members. I’d like members to sign their lives over to serving and giving. I’d like them to agree to being called upon to give their occupation and their skills when there’s a need for it that the church knows about. If you’re a plumber and you join the kind of church I’m looking for you will be called on to donate your services when we build a Habitat house, or rescue a single mom from a busted water heater. I’d like membership to be enlistment in an army. Soldiers can’t say no. They hold nothing back. They’re allegiance to the king doesn’t even consider it and their formal commitment won’t allow it. They’re slaves.

Slavery…
We are no longer slaves to sin but slaves to Christ right? And, I think, to each other. I want to be bound. That’s what religion means in Latin - to be bound. I want to be committed to a larger group of folks who are committed to me and to my God. Commitment trumps soccer practice, sleeping in, demanding my way. In a culture that tells me I can have everything I want the way I want it and when I want it, I need a place that isn’t doing things my way all the time, that doesn’t cater to me, no matter how semi-famous I am, how smart I think I am, how loudly I complain. I need to be a slave, to be second to something greater than myself. I need to not be in charge. I need to surrender my desires and agendas to the mission of the whole.

Collective Mission…
I can end need in my cul-de-sac. I can tell a neighbor about Jesus. I can live like Jesus where I am, in my small sphere of influence, and make a difference, bring wholeness or shalom to my corner of the world. But with you, and you, and you, and you my reach and power are multiplied. It’s addition by subtraction. Subtract from me control, power, personal space and preferences and melt me and my time and talent and cash into your church and - if every member is expected to do the same thing - we can bring shalom to a much larger corner of the world. Have you seen 300, the movie? 300 guys accomplished what 10,000 would ordinarily accomplish in warfare, because of their commitment to each other and the cause at hand. Problem is, in my experience, the cause at hand isn’t clearly articulated. If it is, it isn’t often invested in as fervently as it is preached about, and isn’t sacrificed for and held out in front of every member as their reason for being together in a thing called “church”. The mission is unclear. The people are uninspired. What I desperately want is a church that requires it’s members to give ALL to the mission, and clearly articulates the mission - a mission so large that it will never be accomplished and can’t even be attempted without US working together. I want a church that paints a picture of a mission that big, the size of the hundreds and even thousands of members it’s enlisted. I want a church that regularly refocusses us on that shalom-making mission while investing staff, brain power, money and time in the mission constantly. I want a church that cares more about this mission than it does creating mere believers, more than attracting seekers with entertaining services (mission, oddly, will attract non-Christians), more than building more buildings and increasing staff size and producing staff that are sought after conference speakers and authors.

I want everything this church does to reflect the mission. Our sound system isn’t cutting edge why? Because the best sound isn’t integral to the mission - here’s the mission in case you forgot. We’re meeting in houses instead of Sunday School rooms why? Because 50 classrooms that only get used for an hour one day a week isn’t the best use of resources considering all that’s needed for our mission - here’s the mission in case you forgot it. Or...our 50 Sunday School classrooms are dirtier than they were last month and wearing out quickly why? Because we started small businesses in them that run all week long, to save people from the slavery of welfare and give them skills to support themselves and pride to go with it. That’s key to our mission. Here’s the mission in case you forgot it.

That’s what I want. I’ll drive a long long way for this. I’ll give up Sundays and all I have for this. Is this what you have at your church? If not, then why are you there?

I'm learning...

This could be an extremely stressful time. I could be justified in freaking out a bit, right? Or feeling kinda blue?

But guess what? I have not. Surprised? Yah, so am I! lol

Things are going amazingly well. No, no job yet, lots of leads & resumes posted, but *who* hires in December? right?

But this post would be longer than Santa's naughty list if I wrote out everything that has been going on & how God has been blessing us left & right in amazing ways.

The questionability of the Medi-cal has been cleared. As of Jan 1st, ktbunch & I will be covered w/ a $0 share of cost!!

The Food stamps we received were *pro-rated*...so in Jan, for a full month, the allotment is even *more*!!!

A lady from church, who I don't even know, called me & told me her 'care group' (like a small Bible study group) had chosen our family to help out this year cause they heard we were having a hard time. BUT get this....it was *before* they even knew DH had lost his job. Is God good or what? He had this all planned out. They took me shopping this morning for Christmas gifts for my kiddos, are dropping off a turkey (& I'm sure some fixin's) & more gifts on Saturday!!!

HOW amazing is that?

WHO needs $? lol Seriously, God's grace is sufficient.

We were able to get a tree & it's the biggest, best looking tree we've *ever* had & it was only $25!!! Seriously!

We have been so blessed by caring & loving friends.
THAT is *being* the church!!

I am so overwhelming blessed by the generosity of my friends & church family.

These blessings have given me the strength, endurance & hope to keep on keeping on. Even more the ability to encourage others & be positive. Which is SO *not* me or my nature.

I believe that brand new day is coming!

Halogen Productions

Last night we went to our church's Christmas Production. It was surprisingly good. Now, I do have acting experience so it's always hard, I think, to watch something objectively when it's *your thing*, kwim? But I was determined to enjoy it, no matter what.

DH had given a few suggestions when he read the script but we did not know if they would be taken or what.

The play consisted of 8 random characters who end up trapped in an elevator, on their way to a holiday party.

It was *really* good. I felt proud to be a member of our church. I was proud of the cast & crew & the work they put into it. They did away w/ movie clips & kept it simply a 'stage play' & it worked so well.

I regretted not inviting family & friends. I was a bit distracted this week so I don't feel guilty. lol But it was so good. Tonight DH has an improv show or else I'd invite everyone & go again tonight.

I was disappointed to find out, afterwards, there had been childcare. Oldest would have enjoyed it but he was @ home w/ our not-so-littles. I had *no* idea child-care would be provided. I'm trying to figure something out so he can go tonight anyway.

Adventures in Welfare pt 2

Whew! 5 hours later.....

No qualifying for any cash aid or the "Calworks' program...so that AVOIDS any social worker coming into our home. YAY!

Right before we left we got in the mail DH unemployment 'award letter'. SO it's not really enough except for a sub-existance BUT it's definitely enough to pay the rent every month and choose between utilities & car payment. lol BUT PTL!!!! Cause although I was/am willing to go wherever the Lord would want me, I was really hoping He didn't want me (us) to all move in w/ my dad! lol

So PTL on that. & that is why we do not qualify for any cash aid or whatever. Which is fine.

We got Food Stamps...more than what I thought AND they gave them to us TODAY!!! PTL!

Didn't have to wait 30 days. Between the food stamp allotment & WIC we are going to prolly be eating BETTER than we have...I kept thinking to myself...Now i'll be able to continue to afford BUTTER & not margarine. lol

And we should qualify for Medi-cal health insurance but I think there was a mistake somewhere...the case worker said we would have a HIGH 'share of cost' like $2000 this month, which is more than our income this month, so that didn't make sense....& then $500 a month after that. But then the health care worker said that can't be true because if our SoC was so high we wouldn't qualify for medi-cal period.

But we'd already been there for 4.5 hours & didn't really want to wait to speak to the social worker again to fix it...so I'll just call later. I'm covered w/ DH work insurance until the end of the month, so that is good.

AND after waiting 2 hours to get the EBT (food stamp card, it's like an ATM card)...I spoke to the a customer service person @ the front & she laughed & said we didn't have to WAIT for them to call us (like the social worker said) we just go to the 'cashier' & see if our card is ready. DUH!

It was. So it all worked out for now.

I'm SO glad this part is OVER!
Whew!!!

& the social worker had a completely different attitude today, greeted me w/ good morning....& partially thru it all, she did say they were extra busy lately w/ the way things have been going w/ the economy. But when I'd ask her questions...then she'd be vague, but I'd persist as much as I could.

Later, we were @ the grocery store & we saw a couple we had seen in the welfare office. We thought that was funny.

Santa Train

Just like every year, we headed over to MIL home to wait for the Santa Train. We take pictures, they hand you a giant red apple & big candy cane.

For a few years MIL would treat us all to McDonald's after our visit w/ Santa. She didn't disappoint this year either as she treated us to Taco Bell, afterwards. Then FIL treated everyone to donuts. Yum!

It was nice, we just hung out & waited until it was time to line up, down the block. I crocheted, working on some fingerless bike gloves...it's a pretty simple pattern. I'd like to make a few pairs for a few kids I know. ;-)

This is the 2nd year in a row DH has been able to be w/ us. That is always nice & he inevitably runs into old highschool pals. He sounded proud to show off his kiddos & pg W. It's always funny when they see "lil Ernie" who is totally not so little @ almost 16 years old! lol He's a good sport too, always smiling to take the annual photo w/ Santa on his train! ;-)

Adventures in Welfare...

After spending @ least an hour getting all the required documentation together, then about another hour or so going down to the registrar recorder to obtain another piece of documentation, (purchasing a copy of dd birth certificate, which we had never gotten & a copy of our marriage license, which has disappeared, of course, but will arrive in the mail within 2 weeks), we headed over to the "Welfare office".

Joy.

The small parking lot was filled to capacity. DH thinks they purposely chose a small parking lot as a deterrent. All the street parking in the immediate vicinity is red curbed--no parking. So we had to park about a block away.

The place was kinda packed but there were still plenty of seats available. There were quite a few small children, babies & toddlers, many crying. & conversation fluent in cuss words. {sigh} I knew enough to bring a book & some crochet to work on. I finished a scarf.

So about 1.5 hours after that, & numerous pre-interview pieces of paperwork, we are called to the interview booth. Here we go....

"What are you currently doing for income?" Well, my dh just lost his job. "Do you have your letter of termination?" No. "Oh, well I need to see it, there is nothing I can do unless we have that letter."

The *ONE* piece of paper we did NOT bring!!! What a waste of time! I swear! Well can you @ least start the process w/ all the other things we have? "no."

SO we have an appointment on Friday...it really makes no sense. She looked @ DH final paycheck stubs & said we do not qualify for cash aid because we've already received too much income this month. WoW! What year were the poverty limits set @? 1952? I mean the income DH has received this month, (for a fmaily of 5) after taxes...is some people's RENT...for like a 1 bdrm! I asked her what the income limits was...but she did not answer.

Ok, but how could she determine that if she was unable to determine what programs we would quaify for w/o the letter of termination? Contradiction?

She asked me 2 times if I worked or was employed. I know she heard me the first time.

I just kept thinking to myself...uuuhh..hello? I'm 35 years old, & I've never been here before, I obviously have NOT needed it. AND I totally wanted to say:uuuhh, no I do not work, I have not *needed* to work. duh! AND do you *see* that I am pg? Have you been watching the news? Know about the current economy? duh!!

But then I realized...NO. she prolly did not *see* that I was pg. I don't think she ever really looked @ me once. I know she was trying not to make eye contact.

I do not know how people really get services, it is a lot of hassle & trouble to go through. OR maybe it's seems like alot because we have children & I'm not a single mom w/ 1 kid. kwim?

But seriously, the documentation is ridiculous:
Birth Certificates for every member of the family.
Bank statements for every person w/ a bank account.
Social security cards for each member of the family.
Pay check stubs.
Rental agreement.
Utility bills.
Car registration & loan statement including balance due.
Documentation proving CS obligation.

Plus, they said they need DH letter of termination & a report/statement on if he can cash out his 401k. All $770 of it! Which after taxes would prolly amount to...oh...$300? ha!

Plus, one of the pieces of paperwork for some program said it was a *requirement* for a social worker to come to your home & have a walk-thru. What for? I have no idea, but if you do not agree to it, you can not receive assistance. Nice. They *really* want to be in your business don't they? IF it weren't such desperate times...well that'd be enough to deter ME for sure!!!

AND...if we don't qualify for 'cash aid'...I have *no* idea how we will pay our rent for Jan. I will think about it when Jan 1 rolls around I guess. For now, I'm a little more focused on dish soap, toothpaste & toilet paper. Seriously.

{sigh}

I know God has certainly given me a heart for the poor...maybe it's where I *came* from as a child, I don't know...which by the way, history most certainly *is* repeating itself here, isn't it?
I am expecting this to grow that part even more now. What better way to be able to understand & *relate*, then to actually be there & experience it yourself, right?

I left that place feeling quite crushed & hopeless...but only for a moment & only a few tears.
The day goes on...the world keeps spinning & there's always laundry to do. :-)

A Treasure

Here is one of the treasures I found in my parent's storage unit. A letter written to, I believe, my gr. gr. aunt Clara's father, requesting her hand in marriage. The weird thing is that I remember "Aunt Baba" (her nickname was Buddy but we called her Baba for some reason) being married to "Uncle Harvey"..although I never met him.

So I don't know who this 'George?' fellow is. lol

I'd like to scan it so you can see the lovely handwriting. It is written on a paper w/ company letter head:

FRISCO
St. Louis and San Francisco Railroad Company



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crocker, MO
Sept. 17, 1907

Mr. J.D. Payne,
Trinidad, Colo

Dear Sir and Friend,

You will perhaps be surprised to get this letter but I want you to give me a fair chance.

I love (illegible) with your daughter Clara and love her very much. She returns that love. It is our desire to be married at an early date and your consent is all that is lacking. Her mother has consented and I ask you to do so as quickly as you can.

As for my prospects I am you know day operator here with a prospect of holding it as long as I like.

It pays a little better than seven hundred per year, sufficient to support a wife in Crocker.

I do not think you will have any faults to find to me personally as I have tried to conduct myself in a gentlemanly way. (illegible) to do so.

Please don't refuse your consent--you do not know what it means to me.
I am waiting for an early and favorable answer.

Yours Humbly,
Geor (?) Johnson

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Catching up w/ Holiday traditions

Tonight we enjoyed *free* popcorn & a movie @ church. The Nativity. Very good btw.

On the way home we went Christmas Light looking. Our first of the season.

What was so cute was to hear my not-so-littles counting each house w/ lights. *Just like* my brother & I used to do when we were little.

All through out the season, any time we were driving @ night, we'd count how many lit/decorated homes we saw.

Except I never told them I used to do that, they thought of it themselves.
SO cute!

They got up to 95 homes....in between losing count. lol

Holiday Gifts

This site is pretty thought provoking & what better time to take a mental inventory & stock of priorities, then during this over commercialized time of year.

Christmas is beautiful. It's a lovely holiday in & of itself & for many people, their absolute favorite. (not me, my favorite is Valentine's! ;-) )

The idea of gifts, giving & receiving can be very overwhelming @ times. The pressure mounts as we go on our yearly quest in pursuit of the perfect gift. The prices, the bills, the hustle & bustle & inadvertently, the stress. Each year, I try to lay low & not give in. Avoid the mall while still trying to enjoy all the lights, sounds & even smells of the season.

Each year has felt better & better in my attempt to scale down. Now, I take no issue w/ the giving & receiving of gifts. The issue I have is being so caught up w/ these material gifts we over look the only true gift we have ever been given. More than just penciling in that Christmas Eve service @ church so that we can feel we didn't neglect God...kwim?

The thing is *nothing* will ever satisfy our soul like the Love & relationship we can have w/ Jesus Christ himself. NOTHING. But as human mortal beings, I believe we try anyway to fill the gaps within our psyche & soul w/ material objects. SHiny bright new things. They offer temporary fulfillment & add joy to our lives..for a time...then they begin to fade, rip, break, get stained or dusty & eventually, always, w/o a doubt, grow into a burden.

A relationship w/ Jesus Christ is never a burden. He came to give us something eternal & everlasting. Something, I don't believe we will even ever understand until that day we are standing w/ him, in glory, face to face. But we can get glimpses every so often.

This year, our family will be *forced* to dramatically scale down our Christmas, as many people will in our nation, during these precarious economic times. But is that really so bad? Is it worth feeling sorry for us over? Cause personally, it is something I have been praying for, for quite some time, maybe even years.

I did not pray for my DH to lose his job. I have, however been praying for God to make major changes in me & my life. To strip away, if necessary, all that would *bind* me to this earth & distract me from full reliance on Him & only Him. Last year it was the comfort of my beloved DH, torn from me, my other half. Only through that loss was I able to see God's merciful provision & strength when I had nothing to trust & no one to rely on but the Holy One.

The year before that, it was the death of my grandmother & mother. Challenging me to seek what was important in this life. Challenging me to trust God when I couldn't ask mom if she was *really* ok, over there.

This year, all financial security is gone. There is none. There is nothing. So what is left? What is truly important? Grief over what I have *not*? Victimization over harsh realities of frail economies?

Or could it be even more *freedom*?
Freedom from pressure to perform, or produce. I am what I am through Christ alone. I have what I have...which is more than enough, through Christ alone or working in others. What am *I* doing?

What is everlasting? What can I give that can be eternal? Being in Ethiopia gave me a glimpse of this as well. When a child's parents die from AIDS, what can I give? What solace is there, w/o Christ? When a village has no clean drinking water I can raise funds for a well, which is good. Of what value is that water w/o the *Living Water*?

Nothing & no one on this Earth will *ever* satisfy us. Nothing! That is Christ's job. Our security & stability is in Him & Him alone. Gifts are wonderful. I *love* them. Diamonds are beautiful & lovely & I'd enjoy having fingers adorned w/ them, truth be told.

But in the end, diamonds are simply rocks of coal. And they won't get me to my Savior. I may not have gifts for everyone on my gift wish list this year but I still have something to offer. Absolutely priceless, even.

He humbled himself as low as possible & came here for *ME*. He died for *ME*. Am I willing to give back to Him by sharing this gift?

Any season, any day of the year, that is the only gift that truly will matter...*now*, & in the end.

Does anyone else...

*totally* LOVE those FreeCreditReport.com commercials?

Such *brilliance*!
It helps that they are kinda musical.
But really...the most recent one, @ the Rennaissance Faire? can you say LOL bwahahaha FUNNY? "...green wool tights & pointy shoes..."

Or that one where the guy's working @ a seafood restaurant? ..."serving chowder & iced tea..."

I'm *so* easily amused. ;-)

Merry Christmas!

Dh lost his job!

We figured it was coming...pressure to excel @ sales this past month but it was impossible.

They officially asked him to resign today (not the only one, quite a few others). But he has a right to decline & get 'terminated' instead.
He chose termination. So instead he is 'suspended' for the week until they can get their paperwork together.

I kinda wish they would hurry only because *then* I'd be @ the public assistance office first thing tomorrow morning.

I guess maybe I *can* do that anyway? & start all the paperwork? I don't really know how all that works.

We do not have savings or anything like that. SO this is the alternative.

I am thinking, off the top of my head, that the rent will be paid, @ least for the month of December, from this next/last check on the 5th...but that will be IT!
I'm not exactly worried, like about starving or anything. Food stamps, they won't give you until 30 days..but maybe that's different if you have no job.
And they will automatically cover me health ins. wise simply due to the fact that i ma pregnant. I can prolly still have Kaiser even. Again, just not sure how long that will take. If so though, I'm getting as much dental work done as i possibly can handle. seriously!!! I haven't ever had a *real* visit to the dentist...but anyway that is beside the point, right.

DH is not freaking out, very calm. I am calm outside & trying not to let the anxiety take over.

But also, realistically....I know that finding a replacement job is going to take some time...that's just how things work.

Lousy timing, right before Christmas...but I knew in my heart it was coming anyway, right?
Which was why I started all these crochet projects.

So I *am* excited though to see what God has planned here.
I believe it will be something different & better....
SO we will see.

& @ least DH & I are together.

Does it show a lack of faith if I start crying?