Hope is never lost!

I'd been having a pretty tough few days. 

THEN---I believe it was a SIGN: the most amazing thing happened:
the middles had collected some caterpillars from the passion vine. They ALL died. One had started a cocoon but  it looked like it died half way through making it as part of it's body seemed to be sticking out & was all black. EEEWWEEE.

IDK why I didn't toss the jar earlier.

BUT THEN Sam came in & was so excited to inform us that he just found the NEW BUTTERFLY on it's cocoon. It had just worked it's way out!!!

It had NOT died after all. Sam is the most sensitive about these things so it was SO neat how gentle he was & excited about the butterfly.  He had it in his hand & it was gathering it's strength opening & closing it's wings but wasn't ready to fly away yet.

And I PERSONALLY felt like it was a sign from God. Hope is NOT all lost--even if it looks like everything (or hope) is DEAD!!!

It is interesting to note that even after the catepillar had undergone it's transformation, it still had to open and close it's wings, gathering strength for it's new life, it's new journey. He was able to hold onto it for quite awhile.  We finally placed it gently on the passion flower vine to begin it's new life. When we checked later it was gone...

13.1

If I ever get a tattoo, I think that will be it. lol

I did it. It was a challenge no doubt but I did it.

It was not easy but I did it.

I. did. IT!

Looking back I can say it was pretty FUN! All along the race course route were highschool cheerleaders, highschool bands, a mariachi band, polynesian dancers, 4H club members, girl scouts, employees and characters in the parks and regular spectators cheering for family and friends. The cheering and encouragement meant SO MUCH! It was amazing. My girl friends seemed to like running through Angel stadium the best because of the crowds cheering, but I liked running through Disneyland the best. That *is* why I signed up, right? ;-)

The last mile felt like 13 by itself! The spectators cheering meant so much, especially when they said MY name. (it's on my bib)

I stuck to my strategy of running between water stops & walking through them. Towards the end I walked more but didn't give up. My time was decent for an amateur: 2:53. Less than 3 hours.

Once I got out of the finish que & reunited with my family...I immediately needed to nurse baby K. I don't think Ive ever felt like a stronger woman than in that moment.

Run 13.1 miles and breastfeed baby! Can you get more female than that? haha.

I refused to take off my medal all day. I earned it, I'm wearing it! I'm proud of it.

Tami, me & Jen

Tomorrow is the BIG day!

Disneyland Half Marathon!

I should be asleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to a birthday party today...did not eat as i planned but tried to pay attention...Had steak, bean, rice burrito w/ sour cream, lots of grapes, some tortilla chips, too many peanut m&ms & slice of cake. Felt way too full when i left.

Forgot to hydrate like i wanted...Am forcing myself to eat 2 eggs cooked in coconut oil right now before bed...trying to go to bed early...but baby won't go to sleep. My alarm is set for 4:45 am--that scares me!! I can't find my camera!

I don't like to eat before i run--gives me a side ache--but will try to remember to eat a banana & peanut butter on bread tomorrow morning...or maybe just a spoon of peanut butter better!

My strategy is to walk through water stops & run between. Hope that will conserve energy enough for me to keep a decent pace for the long haul! Most stops are 1-1.5 miles apart w/ the exception between miles 7-9, 2 miles apart.

Gotta think positive...and get some SLEEP!!!!!!!!!

it was a long week

Later that day, of my previous post, my FIL was taken off life support. He was surrounded by his 3 daughters, his son, his wife, mother, son in law & myself as he took his last breath and his heart stopped beating. My chest felt physically painful through it. I'm not sure why but it hurt a lot, right in my heart.

It.was.absolutely.GUT.wrenching!

It took a few more hours after that, before they removed his body.

The next day was my husband's birthday. It was not an easy day. It was filled w/ an extreme range of emotions.

The next week was a whirlwind of activity, funeral home appointments and arrangements, beginning of school for my ktbunch, sewing funeral dresses for my daughter and niece, phone calls, random meals, skipped meals, incoming family, late nights barely filled with rest and sleep.

The funeral was this past Saturday. My Birdy sobbed, uncontrollably from the moment it started, until near the end when I finally took her outside. Sammyboy cried stoically, giant crocodile tears silently sliding down his face. We were in the middle of a triple digit heat wave.

We stayed with my mother in law until all the sod was replaced. It's fitting that the dirt replacement machine is so obnoxiously and disturbingly loud. It is not a peaceful job by any means. I think death is disturbing. Even when expected, it is shocking. It's not anything anyone really 'wants'. That machine is loud, it pounds the ground over and over to press the dirt over the vault that holds the coffin. Then they roll out the sod and it presses that too. Then they put a large piece of plywood over that and press again. It's not pressing as much as it really is pounding.

Like a heart, pounding so hard. Pounding to stay alive. You can't help but flinch with the idea that this is so opposite of 'resting in peace'....and somehow so appropriate.

My husband made a wonderful slide show that was shown at the funeral. I kick myself that I didn't take more pictures these last few weeks. I don't know why! I think there may be only ONE picture of baby K with his 'tata'. :( It is very sad to realize he will never know his tata or Grandma Gale or Grandma Curtis.

Lil E was a pall bearer. My family all looked so nice and handsome. The boys all wore suits. The Birdy and I wore dresses. I was told how well my children behaved through the viewing and the funeral. That was nice to hear.

Now, we search to find our 'new normal'....again.