Mid August, there was a meeting for the prayer team, or whoever was interested in the prayer team. I attended. @ the time, I felt emotionally or spiritually, that something was stirring inside of me. I wasn't sure what it was...but I felt something, that God was preparing me for something or something was going to happen, maybe an unresolved issue that that needed to be worked, or MAYBE just a hormone imbalance. I didn't know but I requested prayer for it.
Soon after, my mom was admitted to the hospital for extreme pain & eventually was diagnosed w/ her cancer. Less than 2 mos later, she was dead. She practically died in my arms, her heart probably stopped as I had turned her over to change & bathe her. I was holding her but didn't realize.
So last week @ church...a member from the prayer team was sitting in front of me, it reminded me of that prayer meeting we had had & my prayer request. After that night I prayed intently for God to reveal to me what He wanted, or needed from me or whatever needed changing in my life.
I realized it was that, everything w/ my mom was what He was stirring within my heart. What does that mean to me? I realized that it was just another confirmation in my life that God was w/ me, by my side, preparing me for something I had no idea about. Preparing my heart & soul for something I could never had predicted but HE knew. HE knew from the beginning of time that that all roads would lead to this moment. He knew before I knew & He let me know that He knew even though I didn't.
Knowing I would be able to look back @ that moment in time, that tiny moment & again, know, that He was w/ me & would always be w/ me....all along the way, when I needed Him, before I even knew that I needed Him.