Happy Birthday to Me

It was the day after the investigative interview. I was still reeling and felt pretty confused and depressed. Before I was even out of bed my daughter greeted me with a large gift bag containing a gift her dad, my estranged husband, had taken them to get for me. I immediately burst into tears.

Once again, I was only left with the same plaguing thought, How did we get here?

In less than 24 hours my husband had chosen to disown both our oldest son and myself on social media.

Any birthday plans I imagined I'd have, all went up in the air when the middles got a last minute call for an audition in Santa Monica. That was going to take a significant portion of our day just for the drive back. Oh well.

We had rehearsal that night and arrived late to a surprise shout of HAPPY BIRTHDAY from my cast mates. That filled my heart with warmth.

I fought not to get down. It's just a day, in the big scheme of things. Tears dry up quickly.

As I left to get oldest from work, a friend showed up at the same time bearing gifts! What a fabulous surprise. I was literally on my way out the door and there she was ready to knock. This isn't a friend I see very much, if at all, anymore but here she was. How special to know that God had laid it on her heart to remember me and bless me like this. We talked way too long, or I did at least, and she was kind enough to listen and understand.

Later, I sat on my couch, everyone finally in bed, reviewing the day when a message popped up on my social media account. Another friend wrote to tell me they left a gift on my porch for me. What!?! It was almost midnight too. How exciting is that? I jumped up, threw the door open to find a pot of fresh Easter Lillies, and a gift bag of goodness. This was another friend I don't see very often either. Again, God put me on her mind to bless.

Happy tears this time. Grateful tears. Tears of gratitude and love. My day had come full circle, starting and ending with tears, accompanied by opposing emotions.

In a dark time and space, God remembers us. He shows us His love for us. He created us in our mother's womb, hand crafted...how could He ever forget our birthday?

It Passed Over

The angel of death will pass over...

These words were on my heart this week with everything I was facing combined with the regular issues I have been dealing with and it being Passover Week.

I clung to them as a personal promise as I entered the welfare office for the interview with the fraud investigator.

I felt very afraid as I was told, by well meaning friends,  real stories of women being accused, charged and penalized by suspension of benefits, fines and even prison time. I had no idea how this would play out or what to expect.

My husband and I drove mostly in silence on the way there. Then we sat mostly in silence for the 45 minutes we waited for the investigator. I began to wonder if I was in the right place or I had possibly gone to the wrong offices.

We were finally called into one of the regular welfare interview booths. The investigator was wearing a sheriff's green polo shirt that had a large golden badge embroidered on her upper left hand shoulder, the around the neck ID and sparkly gold eye shadow. She introduced herself with the same firm demeanor she used when she had come to my door.  She directed her comments toward my husband, "I am not a case worker, I am a welfare fraud investigator, a police officer. I have been investigating you since February." She reiterated how she had come to my door, that I refused her entry to my home and that I was not required to allow her into my home.

I had dressed as professionally as I could with what I had, black pants, a fitted black shirt with a built in white collar, light, fitted grey jacket and closed toe grey shoes--that were much tighter than the last time I wore them. My husband was in his standard work clothes. I handed over my documents and sat up straight. I remained silent through most of the interview. I did feel a little defensive when she began to tell me how I could put my children in outside school, not home school, because that was a personal choice. "And my husband's..." I said. I felt a little more defensive when she told me I could get a job or get on cash aid to alleviate some of the tension between my husband and myself. I then pointed out the discrepancy between my husband's income last year vs his current income. 

She continued to address most of her comments and questions to my husband, including giving him unsolicited advice about filing for divorce for free, lowering his child support and relieving his financial stress and tension by suggesting that I apply for cash aid. She made a point to add that all of this could have been avoided and my husband would not have had to miss work, if I had only allowed her into my home in the first place. I refuse to look down and lower my head but kept my gaze focused on the clock on the wall behind her with my hands folded in a relaxed manner, on the counter top in front of me. I prayed silently to myself the entire time but there were moments that I could not hold it together and tears spilled out. Especially when she referred to my husband as my "husband"...at least a dozen times or more.

After she dictated to us what to write on an affidavit, and sign, it was over. She ended the interview with, "You can pick up an application for cash aid on your way out, since you're here, and make an appointment."

I could not get out of there fast enough. My heels made deep clicking sounds on the linoleum. I hadn't noticed it before the interview but it was very attention getting on my way out. I tried to hold it together at least until I was outside.

I tripped and lost my balance a bit as I crossed the cracked concrete of the parking lot drive-way, rushing to my car. There wasn't any sidewalk where I had parked. I took off my heels and walked barefoot on the thick green grass. I opened the back passenger door, throwing my heels and paperwork into the back seat. I walked barefoot on the asphalt to the driver side door, got in, leaned my head on the steering wheel, let out a confused deep breath along with my tears, and waited for my husband. He never showed up.

I went back to look for him in the office. I drove around looking for him. I went into the office a second time. Security looked in the restroom for me and also let me use the phone to call him. He did not answer. I felt worried. I went home, but I kept an eye out for him the entire way. Maybe he had a friend pick him up? When I got home, I called him again and left another message. 

Maybe he had his sister come and get him? I called his mom but they had not heard from him. His sister sent him a text and he finally called me. "I'm walking home."

"Why, what happened?"

"Because I don't want to be in a car with you," he angrily responded.

"Why?" I was shocked by his anger.

Click. He hung up on me with out an answer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The angel of death will pass over...

I felt a little confused, lost, defeated maybe...Mostly just confused--it was hard to tell if I could really claim victory or not...

I meditated more on this angel of death scenario...the angel of death DID pass over the Hebrews--and they woke up the next day STILL ENSLAVED! Think about that a little bit.

They were spared a plague BUT the thing they wanted most: their FREEDOM, had still not manifested. They were finally released and Pharaoh changed his mind and went after them...then they were cornered up against the Red Sea...we know what happens.

We're in this war and God is giving us promises and encouragement for each battle. These battles are NOT the big war!  The final victory IS coming--I believe. Praise God even in the small victories or in the midst of battle. 

...the plague will not...destroy you. 

Follow Up to the Investigator at My Door

After the 'traumatic incident' I called the office two times, but it's an automated number. I was on hold longer than I had time for and had to hang up. Then I called my husband--he called the number on the investigator's business card she left with me. He had to leave a message, offering to provide whatever proof they needed that he does not live here. He never received a call back.

The next day...I felt afraid to open my curtains. I ignored it and called the office three times. There was an automated message stating there was an unusually high volume of calls and all lines were busy, to hang up and try again later, then it automatically hung up on me. The following Monday, I called the automated service number again, was on hold for a little while until a general eligibility worker took my call. He really didn't have any answers for me and wrote up a message for the caseworker assigned to my case to call me back. She returned my call the very next day. She was vague and evasive.

"Is it proper procedure and protocol for someone to come to my home and demand to be let in, and then threaten me that my benefits will be stopped immediately and I will be sued if I don't let them in my home?"

"Well, if you don't comply, yes."

"So I don't have a right to privacy? She didn't have a warrant."

"But you didn't let her in."

"So are my benefits cut off right now?"

"If you don't comply they will be."

"But she threatened me and said they would be right then and there if I didn't let her in."

"But you didn't let her in."

"Are my benefits stopped then?"

"Well, if you don't show up to the interview and provide the requested documentation."

"But they aren't stopped right now?"

"Well, if you don't comply..."

"So she was lying? Is that how things are normally handled? Investigators come to the door, lie, threaten and try to intimidate people?"

We went around in circles as the case worker would never directly answer my questions. She let me know that I would receive an appointment notice in the mail, listing all the documentation I would need to bring with me to this 'interview'. She also told me I could speak to the investigator's supervisor if I wanted...and that she wasn't familiar with the fraud department's procedures. (funny, the general eligibility I spoke with initially said the same exact thing!)

I received the notice last Wednesday for my appointment this Wednesday, April 16 at 9:00 am--the day before my birthday. My heart dropped. This is real.

I AM BEING INVESTIGATED FOR WELFARE FRAUD.

The notice stated my husband must attend this appointment with me. I am sure his employer is going to love that. This is the list of documentation I am required to bring with me:

pay stubs for all employment
rent receipts
letter from Landlord (w/ Landlord's name & #)
school enrollment for ALL KIDS
statement from persons(s) who gave you loans or contributions
receipts from Child Support
utility bills
bank records from all accounts
automobile registration for all vehicles
Income tax statements
Income Tax from the past 2 years

This is serious. If I think about it too much I feel debilitated. It feels scary. I feel afraid at times. During the conversation with the case worker she implied that the investigator would not return to my home because it was 'unsafe' because I was "yelling" at her? That isn't true. Not at all. My kids were here--I wouldn't yell at someone on my porch with my kids here unless I or we were in serious physical danger!

That's the thing though. People can and will lie. That's what makes a situation like this feel so hopeless and helpless. It doesn't matter what the truth is, it only matters what they want to believe it is. Innocent people get charged and accused.

I want to run away. Or move away at least. Mexico is seriously sounding awesome right now...or the rapture--the rapture sounds even better. I can't run away though. This is something I must face on my own. No one can go through this FOR me. Like pregnancy and labor--there's no turning back and it's all going to happen--I can't stop it. Blaming anyone else won't help either. I refuse to even go down that path right now.

My heart is believing all will be well. My mind is recalling the stories I've heard of innocent people being jailed or penalized or sued.

I can't tell sometimes if I am under reacting or over reacting. I felt paralyzed and overwhelmed when I opened the appointment notice. I couldn't think straight. I don't know what I was supposed to do next. So I just sat there and cried and prayed and cried. I still had a life to live. Kids needed to be fed, school work needed to be done. I felt too afraid to leave my kids alone for any amount of time. I felt afraid to not have my home spotless and company ready. (which it never is!) I just wanted to go and stay in bed.

But no one is going to get all that documentation together FOR me. No one is going to feed my kids or get their {school} work-samples ready for the monthly meeting. I felt sick to my stomach and lost my appetite. My hands and feet, joints, have been hurting for weeks now and it got worse.

I fought and pushed through the feelings. My kids ate cold cereal, the sugary, sweetened, no nutritional value what-so-ever kind...and I let them. I got up out of bed and went to work out anyway. I did squats and lunges and jumps and planks and core holds, and it all felt harder and I sweated more than usual. Then I came home and sat on the couch, avoiding my bedroom to keep from crawling back into bed.  I smiled, posed for pictures, attended birthday parties and ate a lot of peanut M&M's. (don't hate!) I prayed, called others to pray, prayed more, cried and asked God to understand the prayers of my tears. It took a couple days but eventually I shook it off and was able to focus once again.

I need divine justice, as proven by the investigator's 'report', human justice is corrupt! I am trusting God in this. He is the only one who can help me-who will be reliable and faithful, who is ON my side! I know it will all work out.

I appreciate your prayers.

I Was Afraid to Write This Post

Oldest had just walked out to ride his bike to work. A woman approached him on the lawn. I thought she was a salesperson because she carried a clipboard and had one of those necklace style ID's. He usually knows better but he turned around and led her up the porch and opened the door to call me.

I walked out and closed the door behind me, like I always do. You can never be too careful these days. She was wearing faded jean capris, a purple shirt, and some sort of sandal.

I can no longer remember what my son told me. She waved her clear vinyl encased ID at me and indicated she was with the Department of Public and Social Services, was a welfare fraud investigator and demanded I let her in my home...

I don't know anyone who would willfully and cheerfully allow a perfect stranger into their home simply because they said you had to. She stated (in much less professional and much more bullying way) that I needed to let her into my home to prove that my husband does not live here. Ouch! Talk about adding insult to injury.

"I don't know who you are. I've never heard of this before. How is letting you into my home going to prove if my husband lives here or not?"
"I'm an investigator, I will know." {Does she have special powers? Is she going to look into my dresser to check if there are men's underwear in there? I mean, really.}

She spoke fast and with attitude. "Do you want to see my badge again? I am a peace officer and I work for the fraud department. If you don't let me in I am going to call your case worker and your cash aid, food stamps and benefits are going to be stopped immediately."
"That sounds threatening. I don't know what this is about. I never received a notice or heard about this before."
"This is a new thing."
"I don't know..."
"What benefits are you receiving?"
"Just food stamps."
"Who lives here?"
"Just me and my kids."
"How much is your income?"
"I personally, do not have any income."
"How much is your rent."
"Well, it just went up a few months ago, it's ____."
"Are the utilities included?"
"No."
"So how are you paying your rent if you don't have any income?"
"My husband pays the rent."
"Well, I need to see your living quarters."
"No, I am not going to do that. I already reported all of this. If you want proof why don't you go speak to my husband. I am sure he can give you proof of his address, utility bills with his name on it. He lives right up the street. Go talk to him."
"What is his address?"
"Let me see if I can remember it..." Under the circumstances, he's never officially given me his address. I've seen it on paycheck stubs and random paperwork occasionally. It was by the grace of God that it somehow came to mind and I relayed it to her.
"Well, you don't have to let me in but I'm going to call your case worker and your food stamps are going to stop immediately, today and it will go into affect retroactively and we will sue and you will have to pay back for all you have used in the past." She handed me her business card and walked away in a huff.

I started shaking and my eyes welled up with tears as I nearly hyper-ventilated.
"This is bull-shit! They can't do this. You don't have to do anything, she didn't have a warrant." Wow, I can't remember ever hearing my son use a curse word. I felt frantic and afraid. What just happened here?
I voiced my fearful thoughts, "I think they can do whatever they want. They have all the power and we have none because we are 'poor'."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was afraid to post this for fear of judgment, shame, embarrassment of myself...and others. This is uncomfortable. Someone may read this and think, If you have nothing to hide then what's the big deal? Or someone may think, You are on welfare after all, what do you expect? Or maybe someone will simply make it much more personal than that and think I am lazy and should just get a job.

Then there are those that know me personally. Maybe they think I am an exception to the rule...because they know me. I am not like those other people. My family and I really need it. We are not like those mooches, drug addicts, and welfare queens who purchase lobster with their EBT cars, load up their groceries in Escalades and Lexus' sedans. But what if I was?

Do I then not have any rights? Am I not entitled to privacy? Or boundaries within my own place of residence? Was it not enough to give them all my bank account numbers and statements? Social security numbers? Driver license numbers? Birth certificates, marriage license, pay check stubs, rental agreement, title for my car, utility bills, signed affidavits declaring all the information I am providing is true and correct.

The right to dignity and respect as a human being? Was it not enough humiliation to have to go, for numerous appointments, and apply and ask for assistance to feed my family. To explain that my husband no longer lives in the home...that I have primarily been a Stay-At-Home-Mom for all my adult life, with little to no "work experience" that I can put down on paper to convince someone to hire me...or to love me ...to fill out a stack of paperwork, at least an inch thick with every personal identifying number and piece of information known.

Now I have to allow a stranger to enter my home just because she says so. I have to endure being spoken to like I am a criminal? A liar? Dishonest? Because my household income is qualified by the government as being at the 'poverty level', it entitles another human being to try and bully and intimidate their way into my home? Into the privacy of my bedroom, my children's bedrooms?

Oh, but Katy you are different, I know a guy/woman/family that didn't even need help and were buying alcohol with my tax money!

NO! I am not different. I am quite the normal statistic. The majority demographic of those receiving food stamps are women and children. Why do you think that is? Oh but I knew a woman who was having more kids just to get more benefits. Yah, and I bet we can walk into any welfare office and find 45 more women who wish they weren't there. Who are scared, embarrassed and feel like complete failures but they have small stomachs to feed, so who cares how they feel! Right? Well, they just think they are entitled. Entitled? To what? Entitled to allow strangers to enter their home, mid-afternoon, while they are alone with their children? Are we, am I, not entitled or even allowed to feel safe and secure in my own home?

Do I not look poor enough to you? Everything I have, that appears to be a 'luxury', has been given to me. I have a really awesome life--because I choose to view it that way.

I don't have cable. I do have internet. I don't have a cell phone. I do have a home phone. My car is 10 years old and possibly on it's last leg...hanging on a wind and a prayer. It needs work right now. I ask around, we don't take it to the dealership or a mechanic. My brother sacrifices his day off to help my husband on his one day off, to remove the engine themselves to repair it, so that we only have to pay for parts. I don't have a gym membership. I go to free work outs in the park. I home-educate my school age kids. They are enrolled in a public charter school that allows them access to more than I could offer on my own, like fine art classes, music and voice lessons, and dance classes. I have a child with a learning disability. A very generous friend sacrifices her own time to tutor him privately free of charge. I don't buy books, I use the public library or score free books from amazon. I have an outdated Kindle, it's still black and white and is only used for books.

I make my own household cleaners from items that are considered food, like vinegar and baking soda. I make my own facial cleansers and make-up remover also from food items like brown sugar and coconut oil. I use coconut oil and sometimes baking soda to brush my teeth.

My family is very well dressed. How is that possible? Would you feel better if all their clothes looked like they were worn out or their shoes had holes in them? I sew many of my own dresses and skirts. I have clothes in my closet that are more years old than I'd care to admit. Friends bless my kids with awesome hand-me-downs. Yep, they are even name brands.

My family lives a rich life because I am resourceful. I take advantage of free events that expose them to Shakespeare and music and art. I take them out in nature to hike. If it appears we are doing something that would be considered a 'luxury', like visiting an amusement park or seeing a movie--it's because someone gifted admission to us.

Oh well, yah, my husband is around but has decided he no longer wants to be romantically involved with me. We have four kids together--he still pays some bills and helps with things like that. Is that suspicious? Does that make me fraudulent? I don't know how much money he makes as I no longer have access to that personal information. But I am going to be investigated?

THESE are the faces of the government's definition of poverty. 

Are we only entitled to rights, dignity and privacy, if we are paying for them?

The End of an Era

We are no longer living @ poverty level folks!

That's right...this will be the END of our 'Government Assistance' roller coaster ride. Hopefully FOREVER!

My husband received his FIRST residual check. It's nice. It's a blessing. It's exciting.  It's the beginning of everything wonderful. Breathe. Deep breathe, free and clear.

Dreams coming true.  Hard work paying off.  The beginning of it all being worth it?

I can't wait to get that QR7 form that we have to fill out every quarter to qualify for food stamps, and marking off that little box that says I no longer want to receive food stamps.  Seriously. 

Here's to the end of tedious paperwork and government intrustion to every financial aspect of our lives.

Whew!

I received a 'Benefits Termination' letter recently.  According to our 'fictional' income they were reporting--we no longer qualified for any benefits.  I had been honest (as usual) & reported that my husband received an actual paycheck + an unemployment check since it was a temporary job.  Their system reports full unemployment payments automatically so it was as if we had received 3 paychecks.

I called the case worker--of course she knew nothing about it & referred me to call a different worker who actually had my proof of incomes in front of her.  When I called her--she said she had entered the info in correctly but the system calculates the full unemployment incomes anyway--& referred me back to my case worker.

When I got a hold of her again--she did not seem to understand why I disagreed w/ the letter & told me to come in, in person to prove my limited income.

So I did.  She printed out a 'report' from the unemployment agency that was NOT matching the dates or amounts of any of our unemployment stubs.  She asked us why they did not match. I have NO idea. I;m thinking: YOU work for the government--YOU TELL ME! aarrrggg!

She even commented that from his ONE paycheck, w/ 3 people in our family, she already knew we did not qualify. uuuhhhh...we have SIX people in our family!!! She finally said we needed to go to the unemployment office and ask them to print out a new report that shows the proper information because she is obligated to go by the report the computer printed out. (eye roll)  Our income was reporting as $57 over the limit therefor we were losing almost $400 in benefits.

We left and I felt defeated.  I did not know what to think.  Was God trying to tell us we weren't going to need the FS anymore because He was going to provide the work necessary for my husband to provide for us? OR was this a way for satan to discourage us and block God providing for us through this system?  I did not know.

Later I was telling oldest about it and how I didn't know if I needed to keep fighting or what.  Oldest responded maybe I needed to let God fight it out for me. I said sure but *I* am the one that needs to give proof of income--NOT God.

As soon as we got home from having this conversation, I checked my messages and there was one from the case worker.  Turns out she was reading a report from Dec 2008-Jan 2009, THAT was why the dates and amounts weren't matching up.  She also said she spoke w/ her supervisor and everything would be fine....AND then I received a letter and we are getting even MORE benefits!!!

How great is God or what?  I really felt that God clearly answered my questions about how he was/is going to provide for us during this time.

He's my hero once again.

Tedious

We received a letter a couple weeks ago stating that we had failed to report some income...or something like that. We were assigned an appointment with another case manager. The top of the letter had our regular case manager's contact info.

I called her to find out what this was about. She informed me she was not the person to speak to but the person listed @ the bottom of the page. She also told me that it was the fraud department. ACK!

The letter also let us know that we were required to bring in all proof of income dated from Oct. 2008. Weird because we were not in the system until Dh lost his job in Dec. 08. Why the necessary extra info? It also stated that if an *over-issuance*{of food stamps} had been given then it would be corrected (lessening the amount you receive until it balances out) or if purposely fraudulent, suspension of food stamps would happen.

I'll admit I was scared. I wracked my brain trying to think of when I may have forgotten to report anything. The letter stated they had received employment information from our previous employer and they didn't match. I wonder, if they already received the information, why do *I* have to bring it in?

DH couldn't even find all his paycheck stubs from that far back.

The day came for the appointment, I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I prayed the appointment would be ok, they would believe us and we would be treated like human beings. I also prayed even more diligently that Dh would get an awesome paying gig that would eliminate completely, any and all need to be 'in the system'. period.

We arrived & surprisingly it wasn't long before our name was called. The name on the letter appeared to be a male name but there was a female waiting at the cubicle desk. She informed me that i Had received a letter giving me this appointment date & that there was income that had not been reported BUT that I did report it. Therefore, there was no need for the appointment today. She continued on to say that the computer automatically spits these letters out if your income is over a certain amount???? And that next time I should call first to verify if I really need to come in or not. Sorry.

W.H.E.W!!! I was so relieved and happy & thankful to God. I did not mind one bit going in for it to be *nothing*. I thanked God all the way out of that office. DH even said to me, as we were walking away, "I guess your prayers really worked."

Uhh..YAH!!! :D

AAaaannnddd...??

Ok, ds *finally* got to go to the doctor today.

The case worker *never* called me back. She said she didn't have my number...I explained that I had called HER but the person who had answered the phone did not want to take a message...but I had left my message anyway...who knows what they actually did w/ it though.

So it's all still very strange. Oldest is now IN the *system*, showing coverage & eligibility since Mar. 1st. But 2 youngers & DH are covered by medi-cal but will NOT be in the health ins system for about another month & a half...however long it takes.

Why? Who knows. None of it makes sense & there is no explanation.

So ok, fine. Try to make ds an appointment, he's not showing up in the system but after some time on hold, they call *someone* & realize he IS in there...but there are no available appointments for today w/ his ped. Urgent care? No appointments available yet, instructed to call back alter &t hat i t may take a few hours for him to show up on the computers but not to worry about it.

I call again, still no appointment schedules published yet by the docs. I have DH make the 3rd call---again, they mention ds is not in the system, we let them know he IS, we've already spoken to *eligibility* & he is covered since 3/1. They *still* feel the need to speak to someone else & verify. Fine.

Ok, but all appointments have been filled we can do a *walk-in* in Urgent Care between 5p & 8pm. Ok. DH takes him in, 2 hours later @ that time. Fine...after much waiting, they confirm he has Scarlet Fever. (yay MOM! lol) He is given a prescription for antibiotics.

Down @ the pharmacy, he is NOT shown to be in the system. They insist DH must pay for the RX. DH refuses. duh. HOW would he have even been SEEN by a doc if he was NOT in the system? kwim? Someone else come over & actually tries to help them. They compromise by giving ds just enough RX until tomorrow. Then we must make *another* phone call, straighten it out & Then go back into the pharmacy to get the rest of the RX.

~*~*~*~*~*
~*~*~*~*~*

I feel SO bad for ds. The rash is now covering his entire body, face to ankle. His face has the rash & it's starting to *clear*...which means it's starting to dry & peel, starting w/ his face. It's tight as if his face is *chapped* & very uncomfortable for him. Poor guy. And being a *boy* he does not want to apply vaseline or anything to his lips to moisturize them. kwim?

And due to the idea of being *contagious* we're all starting to feel like *outcasts*. It's simply just as contagious as basic strep throat would be. The *rash* is not the contagious part, it's not from touching or anything. It would be if he coughed all over you, which he does not have a cough. kwim?

He has an extracurricular academic event/tournament on Saturday & he's has to miss his final meetings all this week. We kinda feel like they don't want him to attend because of the idea of contagiousness. It's not like chicken pox or anything & I completely understand...it's just a bummer *feeling*. kwim?

It's frustrating because that is why we/I was working so hard to get this ins. madness all cleared up so that he could start the AB right away...so here we are. I guess the doc said as long as he started them...he should be ok by Saturday. I know he is disappointed though w/ missing the final preparations after working so hard all these months. Plus he likes his friends & getting together w/ them each week.

{sigh}

Shoot me!

Freak out Over.

Ok, finally got a call back from a *nice* case-worker.

She admitted she had NO idea WHY the rest of the family kept getting *kicked out* of the system. She could see it all on her screen, the entire *trail* of applications, coverage & then getting kicked out each month.

She said she would follow it through today & to please be patient & she expected the coverage to be official tomorrow/within 24 hours. She said she would call me by the end of today or tomorrow morning to confirm.

She said she had been out *training* for the past 3 weeks & she could see that people were *not* doing their jobs. Yah, ya think? @ least she admitted it! kwim?

I also got clarification on what to do NOW if necessary, as far as medical issues are concerned.

I am *sure* this was a spiritually motivated issue, on all accounts. There is NO logical explanation as to why the rest of the family is NOT in the system. As well as, it looking like it's getting resolved. I know the prayers have helped break through the obstacle.

Oldest seems *better*. Still is bright red w/ the rash, still swollen sore throat but the energy level picked up a bit, fever has lessened. Not fully %100 but definitive, short term improvement for now.

My not-so-littles seem fine...although their throats are still very swollen, they've been outside all day insisting they are fine. Of course they are *motivated* to be well since I forced them to drink some garlic-steeped-water! Yes--GAG! Plus a tea made from a lemon w/ magnesium. *Concentrated* vitamin C!!!

And...Again!

It doesn't end.

My chillers are sick. Strep-throat I believe & oldest has developed a rash over his entire body that indicates Scarlet Fever. Yes, it still exists.

Want to take him to the doctor after google research indicates w/ antibiotics there is no more risk of contagion after 24 hours. W/o antibiotics, contagion lasts longer.

Well, turns out the ktbunch has absolutely NO medical coverage what so ever because they have been terminated from the *system*. No one really knows why although they *try* to tell me various *reasons*. aka total BS! Each person in the chain of command I speak to, refers me to someone else.

Kaiser member services says to call the Department of Public Health & that it's SO SIMPLE to get the situation fixed. Department of Public Health says I need to call my case worker & that it only requires a simple call from *her* to fix this.

SO I call the case worker supervisor because last time I spoke to them I was told that the case worker I had was ONLY for my food stamps, not the medi-cal portion. *That* case worker simply referred me to a supervisor. Of course calling a supervisor gets you no where.

The phone clerk simply wants to take a message & have the supervisor call me back...within 24 hours. I reiterate that the supervisor herself instructed me to call her back, last month when I was trying to straighten out my own coverage---having NO idea my children's coverage was in jeopardy or questionable.

I am put on hold after being quite assertive & refusing to hang up to wait for a return call within 24 hours! The supervisor finally gets on the phone & insists she NEVER spoke to me personally. @ the same time she is telling me that she *told* me blah blah blah, last month????

So the *story* is that the food stamp & medi-cal case was separated---yes I already know that. & that she *told* me they would only be covered for ONE month. BS! They have NOT been covered YET! SO I have NO idea what she is talking about & let her know that.

I let her know that member services told me all she has to do is CALL them & let them know they ARE covered. I let her know my son is very sick. He needs to go to the doctor NOW. She is telling me i need to speak w/ my case-worker--who of course is VERY busy! & that it's NOT that simple.

And WHY would they only have coverage for 1 month? She says cause I was on/in the CalWorks program. I correct her that I have NEVER been in/on the CalWorks program. She says yes but you applied for it & were denied???? WTheck? That was in DECEMBER & they tell you that INSTANTLY! DUH! & they told me I HAD to apply for it, automatically!!!!

I have NO idea what that has to do w/ anything. Seriously. My dh is UNempolyed, medical coverage for children is AUTOMATIC! I KNOW we qualify based on income alone so I really don't see what the issue, paperwork or otherwise, is! kwim?

She asks if I have turned in my proof of pregnancy. AGAIN, this has NOTHING to do w/ the current situation. I assure her I have turned in EVERY stitch of paperwork & proof I have EVER been asked for!!!! But I avoid asking stupid questions & getting off track about how ridiculous this all is because I simply want to take my chillers to the doctor!!!! kwim?

FINALLY, she says I need to speak to my case worker (I still have NO idea WHO that is!) & that my case worker will call me in a few minutes. I say: ARE YOU SURE? She responds yes & if not I can call her back! yah right! {eye roll}

I wait about 10 minutes or so & call the case worker myself...only to be told that she is extremely busy & will call me in 2 hours...why? Because it is *phone hours* right now & she is speaking to other people who are calling. Aren't *I* calling? So why can't *I* speak to her RIGHT NOW? Because she is very busy w/ other people.

Yah we'll see.

I couldn't help but cry....& pray some more.
It *really* sucks being POOR.
The truth is NO ONE cares about you or your children or your situation.
No one *wants* to help you.
It's ALL BS.
It's ALL paperwork & excuses.

And people have to LIVE like this.
In America!

While *other people* gripe & complain how they are getting *robbed* by the gov't. by being forced to pay taxes to support a bunch of mooches on welfare! Yah. Because the taxes YOU (AND I) pay are *really* supporting your neighbor's next door extravagant lifestyle of welfare! {EYE ROLL}

I simply want to be able to take my kids to the doctor when I feel it's necessary & not be freaked out & not know where to go. I don't want to be forced to go to an ER & be billed hundreds of dollars that I can't pay, *because* I have no choice but to go the ER because my family is lost in the system due to *some one's* error & I can't go to a regular doctor appointment. kwim?

Trust me I am NOT living extravagantly....unless you count the fact that I live in a home w/ *cheap* rent that I can *barely* afford to pay @ the moment w/ the unemployment my DH is receiving. (Thank God for that) While the rest of my bills go UNpaid! Yes, bills *I* created & take full responsibility for. Bills, @ the time that I used to be able to afford. NO excuse. I have no credit to my name. My phone rings OFF the hook w/ collectors.

NO, a job @ JackNtheBox is not gonna cut it. Think what you want.

Being pg does NOT help, now does it? Just what every woman on welfare wants to look like....
I am beyond frustrated.
I am beyond tired.
I am beyond overwhelmed.
I have a swollen throat myself.
Each of my children throats are so swollen they can barely breathe @ night while they sleep...you can hear it in all of our voices it's so bad.

Yes, I believe in supernatural healing AND natural/homeopathic/herbal remedies as well.
I'd prefer to have a *choice* in the matter & be free from worry & my children having to suffer unnecessarily. kwim?

I'd *prefer* to be able to be treated like a HUMAN BEING!

I take comfort in the FACT that this is *temporary*. How long this will all last I have NO idea...but it can only BE *temporary* right?

May I NEVER look down upon or judge another human being for the life I assume they may be living, especially if it is related to financial status!!!!

By the grace of God go I.....

Again Please?

The more I'm *in* it...the more I *see*.

There is some weird, unexplainable issues going on w/ my health care coverage & it's enough to make any slightly tired or simply unmotivated person GIVE UP! All letters & paperwork stated I & my family were covered since Jan 1, 2009.

Then you request what *plan* you want to use. Ok, did that, numerous times, on numerous occasions, went to member services offices, following all directions & instructions given...each to NO avail!

Then received the appropriate paperwork assuring me that I & my family were covered, in the plan we wanted, staring Feb 1, 2009. OOokkkk. I had to cancel my Jan prenatal appointment as it was...but figured it would be ok for Feb.

I was told to call back in Feb to *be sure* I was covered....ok? I did that...NOPE!
Found out my *case worker*, 3rd one in 6 weeks btw, ONLY handles the *food stamp* portion of my case now & my medi-cal (health coverage) has been *separated* from the food stamp portion of the *case*....Whatever *that* means. What does that mean? & WHY is it happening?

I was told to call another number & ask for ________ a supervisor. I called was not given access to the supervisor & given the run around & transferred numerous times. Finally, after about 3 different phone numbers & transfers, I was transfered to a *supervisor* who was the initial person I was instructed to ask for & speak to!!!!

She informed me my case had been *separated* & that my medi-cal case worker was in *training* & she (the supervisor) would be turning in my paperwork on the 20th...this was the beginning of the month, mind you. WHY it had to wait until the 20th, I have NO idea.

I then asked her: so I won't be able to see my provider until I am 8 MONTHS pregnant? I have NOT had a prenatal appointment since Dec 1st!!! OH! You're pg? YES!!!! Oh well, you should be able to make it to your next appointment on the Feb 25th! Oh ok! {eyeroll}.

Well I forgot to ask her what to do in case of an emergency...do I go to my health plan provider or do I go to the nearest hospital? Cause the health plan is a member plan so I wasn't sure if I would have access to them if I was not in the system. kwim?

So I started to have some suspicious issues earlier this week so I finally called the health department to ask this simple question. It was about 11:30 am. I have NO idea who my medi-cal case worker is...so I call the general number, cause I have a general question, right? The woman who answers informs me I can call back w/ questions between 8:30am & 10:30 am.

Are you kidding me? She was serious. She would NOT answer my simple question. I told her I was pg & I wanted to know what to do in case of an emergency. She asked: IS it an EMERGENCY? whaaaa??? Is this a life or death emergency? Ok, well not @ the moment. Ok then you can call back between 8:30 am & 10:30 am.

Apparently you are NOT allowed to have emergencies except for between those hours, Monday through Friday. Are you kidding me? WHY did she even answer the phone then? Am I NOT a human being?

I felt *so* frustrated I just burst into tears! I began to feel just so awful. Thank goodness I was able to combat these lies of the enemy about my personal value & worth w/ God's truth...but imagine all those who are in this system & do not have that *truth*?

It was such an awful & frustrating feeling. People NOT wanting to help you.
DH was able to call the health plan directly & get some answers that were quite reassuring but jeez!

This is real life people! This is what people go through & deal w/ *every single day*. They get beaten & worn down, mistreated & eventually it becomes *who* they are....They can't get out of it, they think they deserve this treatment & so they stay in this system forever.

I am an educated, intelligent, grown woman...& yet *I* feel overwhelmed & confused w/ the mounds of paperwork, case worker changes, forms, questions & appointments myself. SO imagine someone who's english isn't that good? Or perhaps they don't feel too smart & worse, have absolutely NO help or support to navigate through each question....Giving up & avoiding it all together looks very tempting.

Then you have these families falling through the cracks w/ no hope.

It's NOT about people *wanting* to be poor! It's *not* about people *wanting* to take advantage. It's about a lack of compassion & hope & a mentality that sees no other way out.

I don't know exactly why God has me here, in this position, @ this time...but I have an idea.
I don't fit the *stereo-type*, I know that. I stand out like a sore thumb @ the offices when I have to go there. I look like the *exception* right?

But I am a person, just like every other human being who does NOT look like an *exception* in this *system*. All of US, cause it's NOT a *them*, each of us are children of God!!! Deserving to be treated w/ dignity & compassion.

Maybe that is the point...it's NOT a *them* vs US. I am NO different from the next. I think people want to comfort themselves & tell themselves my family are the *exception*, we are not *taking advantage* of the system...uh NO! Look @ ME! I can be a representative of this SYSTEM! The problems w/ it & the reason so many can get sucked in & never move out of it...

I do have an advantage in that I have a *support System*, which many do not...so how can we help those w/o that support &hope? That is the question. What are we DOING to HELP?

Btw: food stamps covers candy, soda, gum, kool-aid, cupcake sprinkles but NOT energy drinks!
Just thought you should know. ;-)

Adventures in Welfare pt 2

Whew! 5 hours later.....

No qualifying for any cash aid or the "Calworks' program...so that AVOIDS any social worker coming into our home. YAY!

Right before we left we got in the mail DH unemployment 'award letter'. SO it's not really enough except for a sub-existance BUT it's definitely enough to pay the rent every month and choose between utilities & car payment. lol BUT PTL!!!! Cause although I was/am willing to go wherever the Lord would want me, I was really hoping He didn't want me (us) to all move in w/ my dad! lol

So PTL on that. & that is why we do not qualify for any cash aid or whatever. Which is fine.

We got Food Stamps...more than what I thought AND they gave them to us TODAY!!! PTL!

Didn't have to wait 30 days. Between the food stamp allotment & WIC we are going to prolly be eating BETTER than we have...I kept thinking to myself...Now i'll be able to continue to afford BUTTER & not margarine. lol

And we should qualify for Medi-cal health insurance but I think there was a mistake somewhere...the case worker said we would have a HIGH 'share of cost' like $2000 this month, which is more than our income this month, so that didn't make sense....& then $500 a month after that. But then the health care worker said that can't be true because if our SoC was so high we wouldn't qualify for medi-cal period.

But we'd already been there for 4.5 hours & didn't really want to wait to speak to the social worker again to fix it...so I'll just call later. I'm covered w/ DH work insurance until the end of the month, so that is good.

AND after waiting 2 hours to get the EBT (food stamp card, it's like an ATM card)...I spoke to the a customer service person @ the front & she laughed & said we didn't have to WAIT for them to call us (like the social worker said) we just go to the 'cashier' & see if our card is ready. DUH!

It was. So it all worked out for now.

I'm SO glad this part is OVER!
Whew!!!

& the social worker had a completely different attitude today, greeted me w/ good morning....& partially thru it all, she did say they were extra busy lately w/ the way things have been going w/ the economy. But when I'd ask her questions...then she'd be vague, but I'd persist as much as I could.

Later, we were @ the grocery store & we saw a couple we had seen in the welfare office. We thought that was funny.

Adventures in Welfare...

After spending @ least an hour getting all the required documentation together, then about another hour or so going down to the registrar recorder to obtain another piece of documentation, (purchasing a copy of dd birth certificate, which we had never gotten & a copy of our marriage license, which has disappeared, of course, but will arrive in the mail within 2 weeks), we headed over to the "Welfare office".

Joy.

The small parking lot was filled to capacity. DH thinks they purposely chose a small parking lot as a deterrent. All the street parking in the immediate vicinity is red curbed--no parking. So we had to park about a block away.

The place was kinda packed but there were still plenty of seats available. There were quite a few small children, babies & toddlers, many crying. & conversation fluent in cuss words. {sigh} I knew enough to bring a book & some crochet to work on. I finished a scarf.

So about 1.5 hours after that, & numerous pre-interview pieces of paperwork, we are called to the interview booth. Here we go....

"What are you currently doing for income?" Well, my dh just lost his job. "Do you have your letter of termination?" No. "Oh, well I need to see it, there is nothing I can do unless we have that letter."

The *ONE* piece of paper we did NOT bring!!! What a waste of time! I swear! Well can you @ least start the process w/ all the other things we have? "no."

SO we have an appointment on Friday...it really makes no sense. She looked @ DH final paycheck stubs & said we do not qualify for cash aid because we've already received too much income this month. WoW! What year were the poverty limits set @? 1952? I mean the income DH has received this month, (for a fmaily of 5) after taxes...is some people's RENT...for like a 1 bdrm! I asked her what the income limits was...but she did not answer.

Ok, but how could she determine that if she was unable to determine what programs we would quaify for w/o the letter of termination? Contradiction?

She asked me 2 times if I worked or was employed. I know she heard me the first time.

I just kept thinking to myself...uuuhh..hello? I'm 35 years old, & I've never been here before, I obviously have NOT needed it. AND I totally wanted to say:uuuhh, no I do not work, I have not *needed* to work. duh! AND do you *see* that I am pg? Have you been watching the news? Know about the current economy? duh!!

But then I realized...NO. she prolly did not *see* that I was pg. I don't think she ever really looked @ me once. I know she was trying not to make eye contact.

I do not know how people really get services, it is a lot of hassle & trouble to go through. OR maybe it's seems like alot because we have children & I'm not a single mom w/ 1 kid. kwim?

But seriously, the documentation is ridiculous:
Birth Certificates for every member of the family.
Bank statements for every person w/ a bank account.
Social security cards for each member of the family.
Pay check stubs.
Rental agreement.
Utility bills.
Car registration & loan statement including balance due.
Documentation proving CS obligation.

Plus, they said they need DH letter of termination & a report/statement on if he can cash out his 401k. All $770 of it! Which after taxes would prolly amount to...oh...$300? ha!

Plus, one of the pieces of paperwork for some program said it was a *requirement* for a social worker to come to your home & have a walk-thru. What for? I have no idea, but if you do not agree to it, you can not receive assistance. Nice. They *really* want to be in your business don't they? IF it weren't such desperate times...well that'd be enough to deter ME for sure!!!

AND...if we don't qualify for 'cash aid'...I have *no* idea how we will pay our rent for Jan. I will think about it when Jan 1 rolls around I guess. For now, I'm a little more focused on dish soap, toothpaste & toilet paper. Seriously.

{sigh}

I know God has certainly given me a heart for the poor...maybe it's where I *came* from as a child, I don't know...which by the way, history most certainly *is* repeating itself here, isn't it?
I am expecting this to grow that part even more now. What better way to be able to understand & *relate*, then to actually be there & experience it yourself, right?

I left that place feeling quite crushed & hopeless...but only for a moment & only a few tears.
The day goes on...the world keeps spinning & there's always laundry to do. :-)