Maybe...

I sat there, fascinated, watching him watch the water and all the potential it held. He pulled out a branch covered in soggy brown leaves. Then he pulled out a large chunk of wood he had previously thrown in. Who doesn't enjoy throwing things into water, watching a once in a life time splash that will never be repeated!?!

Maybe he will fall in the water...and be wet? Maybe he will slip and hit his head on a rock...and bleed? Maybe.

Maybe he will realize he has good balance, is smart, loves to explore, can get back up every time he falls, cuts heal, and that it's ok to get your shoes wet. Maybe.

Maybe he will remember when he was little and allowed to be a child.

Developing Patience While Giving Up Control

Patience, yah, yah, yah. It's easy to become impatient most days. All is well until something isn't going your way. When it involves parenting, I am learning more and more, it's less about controlling your children and more about being patient with them.

When I was a younger parent, my understanding (and teaching I received) was that the point was to get your children to obey you. If you did X, enough times or forcefully enough, they would eventually know to obey. Of course, they would love and respect you all the more.

As I have grown as a person and a parent, I realize we control no one. My children are not robots, they are free thinkers and they are free to choose how they respond to me and anyone else. I have made it clear, there are consequences to every choice, good and bad.

Some days they make better choices and others...they don't. Just as I do and don't. What is a parent to do when a child is having an uncooperative day? It's funny that we call them uncooperative, they could very easily call us uncooperative. It's the truth, isn't? We are not doing what our child wants us to do, whatever that may be in their mind at the time. Who is really being uncooperative here?

We are the adults, we naturally have more life experience. Yes, my six year old must learn to read and that learning requires he read aloud to me for a minimum amount of time. When he does not want to follow my instructions, nothing I do can force him to. Sure, I can give a swat, reason with him, try to cajole or bribe him, raise my voice or any other number of methods to convince him that my way is the right way.

Maybe one of those attempts will work. Maybe they won't. Until they do though, it is still my responsibility to remain patient. See how that works?  He is another human being with his own will, thoughts, ideas and preferences. I can have perfectly logical and good reasons for him to do what I want. To himself, he may have his own set of reasons that make perfect sense to him, why he should have things his way.

We say, Lord, give me patience. Another responds: don't pray for patience, or you will be tested on it. Okay, that is just nonsense! One fruit of the Holy Spirit IS patience. Either you have it or you don't...or...

If we believe we have the Holy Spirit living within us we will produce proof, in the form of good fruit. Here's the thing though, fruit doesn't magically appear. It takes time to blossom, and grow. You may have fruit that is not in season or ripe yet. We can develop the fruit of the spirit over time!

It's a constant pruning and nurturing to develop good fruit. The more opportunities we have to exhibit patience, the more that virtue will grow within us. How freeing! Every time another person isn't doing what I want (if we're honest, that is what it always comes down to) I have the opportunity to practice patience. In that time of practicing, perhaps, I will change instead. Perhaps I will come to see a new or different perspective I did not see before. However, if I continue to demand MY way, whether this is in parenting, marriage, friendship, at work or ministry, I have quenched potential fruit, and possibly bruised a relationship or a relationship in the making.

As a parent (or any human being really) I must be willing to give up the attempt to control others. I must allow others the freedom to make mistakes, even big ones, and allow them to handle the consequences of those choices. If the choice made produces negative consequences, we then have the opportunity to extend grace and help those we care about navigate through the consequences. It's a wonderful beauty to be part of this process.

God never leaves us alone and I don't believe He expects us to instantly get everything right, every time. His love does not change for us because we have made the wrong choice. He gives us options and encourages us to make good choices but He never forces us. He reasons with us, through His Word, gives warnings and shows us through the many examples of those who have gone before us, possible outcomes of our choices. We are though, always free to make our own choice.

He shows the ultimate patience and grace with us, sometimes waiting our entire lives, for us to call out to Him for help. I can do the same with my child in any given moment or with others I love and care about. He has given us all we need, it is up to us to reach out and access it. It's up to nurture the good fruit within to produce right when it is needed.

A child or anyone else, who is not cooperating, doesn't need more force coming against them, what they need, is more patience, grace and love. To be honest, it's probably what I need in that very same moment as well. 

Four Ways to Ease the Tension When Your Child Is Having a *Moment*

I am sure I have mentioned our *shake it off* routine --works TREMENDOUSLY well for *transitional* periods, like from ncp to cp!

SHAKE it off/out
HUG it out
BREATH it out
TICKLE it out

I did this with my 6yo when he came back from being with dad and *immediately* started whining!!! I actually did ALL of them! lol

Instead of barking at him, becoming frustrated (for the millionth time) I gave him a big hug and  said: Your whining is indicating to me you are not feeling %100 right now. {I said this while hugging him.} Do you need to hug it out? Or breath it out--then we did hands to heart center & took a few deep breathes--I smiled and said OR do you need to TICKLE it out!?! And began tickling him. He laughed it out. 

Whew! Crisis averted. He proceeded to the back yard, happily doing who knows what--as he often goes & does--he loves the outdoors. 

Peace restored!!! 

SHAKE it off/out: go the porch and vigorously shake the entire body, all the limbs, say a few words about leaving whatever happened previously *behind* and *outside* declare your home a place of peace and love.

HUG it out: embrace in a FULL body hug. Squeeze tight. Stay physically connected for at least a a couple breathes.

BREATHE it out: {hands to heart center} Slowly raise hands above head while taking a deep breath until they meet. Keeping the palms touching bring them down in front of chest/heart. Hold. Repeat at least 3 times, taking your time.

TICKLE it out: {self explanatory, right?} Smile big & tickle your child. Enjoy a moment to relax & laugh boisterously.

YOU know your child. YOU know what they need and what will work. An angry child may not respond positively to tickling. A sick child may not be capable of shaking it out. A whiny child may just need a hug and to be reminded how smart they are. Of course, the articulate child may be fine just *talking it out* but even my older children often need a *physical trigger* to disconnect and switch gears in their attitude (or as we like to call it: BADitude!).

These also work well for MOMMAS and other adults. 

Time-Out

Somehow, I get the impression 'Time Out' 

against the wall w/ the map,

wasn't the best idea...

"Do you want to know which flag is my favorite? 

Which one's our country? 

Where do we live?"

Exercises in Forgiveness

Soul Work is hard work. It requires going deep inside and bringing the wounds to the outside. As I work more on myself, I become more capable of leading my children along this path of healing with me.

After an unexpected incident, which led to more opportunities for healing and growth, I knew we needed to seal our hearts a little tighter. The wounds needed mending. It was also a good way to release the wounds of and say goodbye to, August and hello to September, a new month, a fresh start.

One exercise I have developed and found helpful in aiding the work of forgiveness involves actual fire.

I had my children join me in an exercise I have done myself. We make a list, two actually. One side is all the offenses, hurts, and wounds we can think of, remember, or the Lord reveals, that have been perpetrated against us. It doesn't matter if they are real or only perceived. Whatever it is, it gets written down.

The other side is creating a list of offenses, hurts, wounds, we have perpetrated against others. We take these lists and bring them before the fire. We say a pray confessing these wounds and declaring FORGIVENESS of every offense. We physically tear the paper to bits and pieces and we throw it into the fire. We set our hearts free from resentment, bitterness and or unforgiveness.

We do the same for ourselves, we repent and receive forgiveness as our 'sins' are torn to shreds and burned in the fire. We verbally speak aloud, forgiveness, release from repayment or obligation, repentance and freedom.

At the end, we make declaration of life and blessings on our offenders and over ourselves as we watch the evidence of our wounds disintegrate into ash. It is a raw reminder of God's promises of restoration to us:

Isaiah 61:3 To appoint them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. 

Beauty comes from the ashes. God created man from the dust, the dirt, perhaps even the ashes of the earth. He created something remarkable and breathed His life and image into him...into us.

My children will walk in freedom. They are free to love, to forgive, to laugh and be themselves. They are free to know their value and worth in Christ...enough that they will not harbor bitterness nor tolerate the weakness of another mistreating them.

It's a symbolic gesture. A gesture of our commitment to healing and freedom.
Always moving forward.

Why I set the table every day.

I always wanted to have sit down meals around the table but we got into the habit of eating while sitting on the couch, on the go or wherever.  My husband worked non-traditional hours, I was in school, kids had various schedules which contributed to different meal times for all of us. Not to mention, when my husband worked during meal time hours and wasn't home, it felt like it was 'time off' for me. I'd make simple, snacks more than meals for myself and family.

Not having my husband/dad in the home anymore, we obviously feel the loss. I experienced a new freedom too. I could make decisions for my family, alone. I didn't have to cater to my husband's schedule or preferences.

If I wanted us to start eating around the table, then we were going to start eating around the table. I made this change just this year. My goal is at least 5 meals together, around the table, a week. Which is usually not more than one meal a day.

I started out clearing the table completely. My oldest had been using it as his computer desk. The table was covered with a fresh table cloth. This inspired me to bring out my nice serving pieces that were always hidden away in the cupboard, brought out only for special occasions.

My children are special. Special enough to use the good dishes...everyday. I have one of a kind, vintage dishes that can not be replaced. I unofficially inherited them when my grandma and mother died. They are gorgeous. But what good are they, what appreciation is shown for their beauty if they are hidden away forever?

Accidents happen. Dishes might get broken. That is part of the learning process. learning to be gentle, use manners and not stand ON the table.

The other part to this is the healing of the trauma of not having a husband and father in the home any more. There is no better word, or a softer way of putting it than trauma. Especially if you are raising your children in a Faith based home.

There are scriptures, a standard of living we subscribe to. Dads moving out and no longer wanting to be married to moms, is not one of them. For my children, it really felt like the end of the world. I guess, to them, it truly was.

I want to reassure my children that their life is going to be beautiful, regardless. A beautiful life is not determined by or dependent on anyone else. As long as they continue to follow Christ, their life will continue to be amazing and lovely.

Yes, we all want 'dad' in our lives, but if not, and it's his choice, we can {and will} still live a beautiful life with out him.

We can still have lovely meals, great conversation, and all while using the good dishes.

Even if we are only eating pizza, YES, I still set it out on a glass cake plate. I use what I have. Yep, I've already lost a couple of glass serving pieces. They were lovely. They were vintage.

They weren't humans. They can be replaced. So what? My children can't be replaced. They are *worth* more than the good dishes. I'd rather a beautiful dish break because it had been used and enjoyed, than it fell out of the cupboard, having never been enjoyed.


It was definitely awkward at first. We'd eat the meal and then feel antsy and ready to leave. A few months in, it's become normal. If I had gotten discouraged and given up, we'd never be able to enjoy it like we do now.

It looks a lot more elaborate than it is really. Which is why we sometimes eat pizza, or good old fashioned spaghetti. I light candles at night and sometimes in the afternoon. I believe life is romantic. We aren't disqualified from a romantic, beautiful life because daddy doesn't live here any more.

My children have needed me more than ever before, during this season. They needed a stable adult to give them hope and reassure them of their prosperous future. This is one way I can do that for them. I show my love for them by setting a lovely table. I affirm their individual value by taking the time, putting in the effort to prepare a meal and set a table as beautiful and creatively as I can.

Life is going to be painful at times. It's unavoidable. As parents, I don't think we need to shield our kids from every heartache, but why not soften the blow a bit? Childhood is preciously short. My kids have been forced to grow up  in some ways, prematurely. I don't want them to remember only trauma. I want them to remember at least one small space in their home that was lovely. It's peaceful. In the coldness of the harsh realities that can strike us unexpectedly, there is a beautiful space and time they can look forward too. No matter how busy we are, we can come together, at least once a day and reconnect. It's the least I can do.

If you are interested in creating a beautiful space to enjoy your meals, here are a few tips that make it simpler:

• I leave the table set, every day. After a meal, dishes are washed {usually!} and then set right back out, ready for the next meal. Yes, this DOES make the table pretty much useless for anything else. I don't mind.


• Stack the dishes on the table. Since the table does become useless always being set, I started stacking the dishes on the table sometimes if we might need the space. This is only for the plates and bowls. Cups, wine glasses and silverware are put away since they are easy to get out again.


• I involve my kids in the process. I ask them for suggestions on table settings, meal preferences, creative input on what to include or exclude from the table. We *are* intentionally trying to make it *look* good.


• Ignore the awkwardness if you aren't used to it. It gets better. It gets easier. My kids are now so used to it, if it's not a *family* meal time, they still sit at the table to eat. Sometimes I will use the time to share a scripture verse or prayer for the day from a book. It helps break the ice and set the tone for peace and faith focus.


• Use what you have. I took down serving pieces from the top shelves of my cupboards. I pulled out China pieces that were being neatly displayed on shelves. I have real silverware that doesn't match. I found a whole bag of it, on sale at the thrift store.


• Keep the menu simple. Even hot dogs look fancy when stacked on a cake plate! Water is froo-froo when you toss in lemon slices. 


• Don't limit the meal to dinner. Choose a meal time that works for your family and your schedule. My goal is at least one meal a day and it isn't always dinner.


• Enjoy yourself and relax.

St. Patrick's Day

It's not a major holiday but it's another day to make it count...like every day. In the past I would have enjoyed any excuse to bake platters full of sweet treats and goodies to deliver to my husband's job. Considering the circumstances, combined with the fact that I am practicing being gluten free during the Lenten season...no treats were baked or delivered.

I did set the table, like I always do, but added a few drops of green food coloring to our daily lemon-water and called it Leprechaun Lemonade.

I also scored a few bouquets of fresh flowers on the way home from working out, in clearance buckets, from the grocery store. A dozen red roses for $2? YES, please!

I didn't forget how 'Jennifer' had invited us back to the convalescent center for St. Patrick's Day, after our visit on Valentine's day. I planned to make cards with my kiddos again and deliver them to residents during their party.

Like last time, it didn't take much effort or time. I picked up a pad of St. Patrick's Day themes stickers from Joann's on my way home from the grocery run that was on the way home from our work-out...Great thing about procrastinating--all the holiday items were on clearance! The book of stickers was only $.50. I also got us festive foam head bands in the shape of leprechaun hats, tiaras and a sparkly green beard! Birdy helped the most with the cards.

Here's the deal...I feel so alone, so much of the time. It's a different type of loneliness, than being surrounded by your kids all day. Many things have changed, beyond just my marital status being in a current state of 'limbo'. There isn't anything I can do about what it is either. During this season, I have intentionally chosen to look outward instead of so much focus inward and on what is missing from my life or what I desire that I don't have. Part of this healing, and coping, is to look for opportunities to serve others, and give in a way that I am not given. I think there is a principle here about giving--and being blessed in return.





My family feels needy and sometimes helpless, because a very important component of being a family is not here and we can't do anything about it. I am taking back part of that control and power we have been robbed of, by these small acts of love and kindness. Giving to others, what we desire to receive ourselves. I am leading my children, through this process by getting their eyes off of their own lack and onto trying to meet the lack and needs in and for others.



My oldest was working like he usually is during these hours so he had to miss all the elderly fun we had. haha. It didn't take us long at all to pass out the cards. There wasn't any singing this time, so there wasn't any opportunity to dance either. Maybe next time. I did see another big X in the sky (chem trails, probably) again but I forgot to take a picture.

Loving Others This Valentine's Day

No one and nothing is going to ruin my FAVORITE holiday! I am not wasting my time in no pity partay! lol

I was very intentional. I planned ahead...led and helped the children at church (including my own of course) create Valentine cards. Connected with the local convalescent center and they invited us to their Valentine party. We passed out the Valentines to those at the party, residents in their rooms and employees. Everyone was quite thankful and happy to receive a card.

There was a woman singing at the party...when we walked back in she says: 'Oh there are my back up dancers!' Haha! Well, OF COURSE, I took my cue! SOoooo....my ktbunch and I, along with my other-mom friend and her two daughters, walked to the middle and started dancing! WootWoot!

Yes, it was a little awkward and out of our comfort zones (NOT the dancing part! haha). But there is ENOUGH love to go around. We know love is a VERB, an action...to be GIVEN away not just to receive. There are enough hurting people in the world...I don't need to suck up any more energy BEING one of them.

We are Christians for goodness sakes. Its in our DNA to serve OTHERS! THIS is the direction I am taking my family. I AM their pack leader and will continue to lead them like this. Parents, moms and dads...we are SO powerful and influential in our children's lives...even MORE so in crisis or times of challenge and disappointment. (Oh & trust me, I do not boast in my own strength--if you met my ktbunch IRL--they are too kind but if pressed, they can list off my failures!  )

The supervisor was so friendly. She thanked us for coming and invited us back for St. Patrick's Day! There were a few 'visitors' there with their family members, but really...very little.

Am I a hero? Pshaw! Not by any means...It took very little energy or prep from my end. But a few smiling faces can go A LONG way!!! LIVE your Christian life by EXAMPLE! Be JOYFUL in affliction. SHOW others HOW to handle CRISIS! The JOY of the Lord will be your STRENGTH!

You want to BE LOVED...well then start giving it AWAY! LOVE until you are bankrupt! But we know, in Christ...we NEVER can be! HE replenishes. He restores. His love is never ending, never failing...His love NEVER fails! We can love BECAUSE He first loved us! GO get your LOVE ON!

Advent for the Disorganized and Unprepared Momma

I know many families have lovely advent wreaths and celebrate Advent with lighting the appropriate colored candle each night that indicates which virtue is being focused on. I have heard adults share how some of their favorite Christmas memories were of lighting the candles, as children, of their Advent wreaths.

Yah, so that isn't happening in our family. I don't have a lovely wreath. I always forget to purchase the candles ahead of time and can't keep track of which virtue is supposed to be covered when. I've been known to use gold, striped candles, in my heavy-can-be-used-as-a-weapon-during-a-game-of-clue-wedding-gift-glass candle sticks, in a pinch.

That doesn't mean we still can't celebrate advent and focus on Christ during this season. We normally have candles lit during our evening prayer time anyway.

I have the book pictured above (you can get it for a steal from Amazon since it's so old). I let one of my children volunteer to read the passage of the day, after we sing along with a Christmas hymn via youtube.

We also read from this little book that I found and bought from the grocery store last year. It contains a short scripture passage or verse and then a coordinating prayer. It is divided into categories such as: Advent, blessings, busyness, children etc. We're just reading straight through, one page/prayer a day.

This is added to our normal prayer time together. I might also read from a Christmas novel or story book if I remember and we have time.

I go out of my way to make the ordinary moments special. They are special because I choose to call them special. We might have hot cocoa with a giant marshmallow and snuggle together on the love seat. Who am I kidding--that only happens if I remember and am extra aware. Normally, we are spread across the floor, gathered around the laptop while the 4yo is bullying the dog into snuggling with him. Sometimes we sing our Christmas carol and then watch an extra youtube video of a silly and fun Christmas song together.

For me, the point is to be together, taking the time to read extra scripture that focuses on the coming and birth of Christ. So there aren't much thrills and frills. Our bed *time* is ruined as none of us get to sleep 'on time' according to what I imagine is a 'decent' bed time, but I believe it is time well spent.

It doesn't have to look or feel perfect. It doesn't have to be fancy. All the hullabaloo is lovely and nice--it just doesn't seem to happen in our house. {the theme of our home seems to be: see, this is why we can't have nice things...} Whether it's picture perfect or you forget the camera to begin with--it's all grace. It still counts and it makes God happy when we enjoy our children and family, the way He enjoys us. Take the time. Slow down. Smile and enjoy each other. That is what matters most. Merry Christmas-time and Happy Advent!

Speak life For Your Children

Listen up moms and dads, this is serious.  I KNOW this is hard on our kids. BUT do NOT allow yourself to even THINK of curses over them because of your marital situation. REBUKE all those statistics about how children of divorce (or separation) end up as drug addicts, in jail, teen moms–whatever! Speak LIFE for your children!

You have power here. Being a single parent is hard, no doubt. In America, that job primarily STILL falls on moms. Either way…TAKE CARE OF YOU because your children will be watching you to know how to navigate through this.

Read more...Sharing over at Intentionally Yours today.

Parenting Children through Prayer

Prayer is a huge focus in our home. We pray together regularly. We make decisions after praying. What if everyone prays and disagrees?

In our family, I recognize that my children have their own relationship with God. I trust that God speaks to them individually and respect their personal relationship with Christ.

Recently, we have been praying over big decisions that would affect all of us. We disagree over how to proceed or not, through this decision. My children believe they are hearing God say one thing to them and I believe God is telling me something different. They are bold in their faith and trust in God and His speaking to them.

I could play my 'parent card' and make the decision the way I think we should and ignore their input. I could but I chose not to handle it that way. My faith is in God and so I continue to trust Him. The way I have come to know God has changed too. I don't believe He is out to punish me, waiting for me to fail. If He is telling me something, in this case, and I choose to wait, I don't believe I will 'get in trouble'.

With this trust in God, I am able to wait and respect my children's faith in God. I play my 'parent card' by using this as an opportunity to further instruct them on how we should pray. I understand that we all have our own filters that we are hearing God through. We have our own desires and wants, needs and emotional attachments and investments weighing on this decision. With all things considered, I choose to teach my children to wait. Pray and wait.

I instruct them that we will go again to God, in prayer for this month, over this specific decision. We will petition God for clarity. Also, if we believe God is telling us what we think we hear, then we will behave like it. We will declare, in faith, that our prayers are already answered. We will show thanks in advance by being good stewards of what we have. This is how we fight for what we want. We will not be afraid to ask for what we want and we will not be afraid to believe we have already attained it. We will also not be afraid to wait, to not move, until we are sure, that God says move.

I am not trying to train my children to only listen and/or obey me, but to listen and obey God, first and foremost. I have a wide range of ages here too. My oldest is already twenty, my middles will be thirteen and eleven next month. The four year old, well, he just follows along. I teach them according to their age and level of maturity. I strive to respect them not only as individual human beings, but as fellow followers of Christ. 

Training Children to Hear God Prophetically

In our church and in our home, we believe God is speaking to us all the time. When we read his Word, we gain understanding and insight about God's character, standard of living and his views on all matter of living. When we pray, we have a conversation with God, although most praying is us speaking to God.

It's when we stop speaking and meditate or choose to listen, that we begin to hear. Some people 'hear' a still small voice, some people 'hear' through a picture or vision in their head, and many people 'hear' God speaking insights and truth to them in the form of dreams.

I recently realized an easy way to encourage my children even more, to listen for God. Through out the day, at random times, I will ask them various questions to get them into the habit of listening for God. It has become almost like a game, not to be irreverent but because they are children and God is fun!

I'll ask:
What is God saying to you right now?
What is God saying to you for me?
What is God saying to you for any/everyone?

These may seem like hard questions to answer initially. Once you get in the habit of recognizing God's voice and discerning His Spirit, it becomes easier. One of my children usually has an answer for me immediately. Another one needs a few minutes but is getting faster. Sometimes the 'word' they get is partial and then I have the rest of it--like when I ask what the word is for 'anyone'.

Then I also give them a word for themselves. I was even surprised how it was so unique to each of them and how easily it rolled off my tongue when I committed to speak it out.

I believe God wants to encourage us, so often we will call it an encouraging word. Right now, they are in the habit of listening for something encouraging. It is also often called a prophetic word because of the prophetic nature it ministers to it's recipient. Often, the words might hit right to the hearers heart, relating to a current struggle or time in their life.

At the church we attend on Sunday mornings, it's pretty relaxed. The children are allowed and encouraged to draw pictures during worship. They are also encouraged to worship by singing, dancing or waving colorful flags. But the pictures are prayed over and maybe a few words or a scripture are added to them. Then they are given out to people in attendance. It appears random but it is not. Each picture is prayed over to be given to exactly who God intends it for. Many times the recipients are overwhelmed by how the pictures minister to the current state of their heart.

I think we often over look God's heart toward children. We may believe in His spiritual gifts but it seems we encourage these gifts in adults and over look the access that a child would also have to them. There are so many verses in the Bible where God is proclaiming his love for children, why wouldn't He also then, impart his spirit upon them?

There have been times in my own life where I have been experiencing a rough moment and I have asked my children to give me an encouraging word, to tell me what God wants me to know because I was feeling extremely down and discouraged. Without giving them details, they have been able to speak into my spirit and confirm without a doubt that God was in the situation.

These are gifts, spiritual gifts. The sooner we start teaching our children to recognize and utilize them...how much more powerful will they be in adulthood? Because why should we wait until adulthood to connect with God's Holy Spirit? If we believe there is power in His spirit, then I think we should be doing more to train up our children now to access that power.

Parenting (and praying) through the tender moments...

Sometimes a point gets across best through the perceived disobedience of a child...

Prayer plays a big, no HUGE role in my life and I encourage this in my children as well through example and participation with them. Most recently, we've adopted a new-to-us, almost-every-night-ritual. It involves gathering together on my bed (which everyone seems to believe is 'community property'!), looking for a couple favorite worship songs on youtube to sing along with and then praying.

Although I do encourage my children not to hold back and to be honest in their prayers and conversation with God--I also aim to teach them how to pray as well. I've intentionally been leading them through a process of what to do and how to pray when you don't feel like it and when your faith is low or you feel discouraged.

Initially, I acknowledged their disappointment, discouragement and resistance. I offered them a 'pass' option. I know they are working out great big questions in their tender little hearts. However, as a mature Christian and their mother, I don't want to just leave them there.

After a day or two, I encouraged them to simply offer prayers of thanksgiving. No petitions (their little hearts were knotted with discouragement, feeling like their petitions were pointless and not being answered), simply thanks, as much or as little as they wanted and could think of. This offered them a 'safe' opportunity to renew their fellowship and conversation with Christ, with out expectation.

Another night, after one attempted 'pass' which redirected to prayers of thanks, one child continued to *pester* me for something. This incessant requesting had been going on for a few hours. I continuously denied the request and thought the matter was settled. After we had finished praying, it began again.

Initially, I felt annoyed, then it was one of those light bulb moments of wisdom and clarity that you just know God is giving you.
"You know how you keep asking me for this..." I ventured.
Yah...never mind, I'm sorry," the child put their head down sheepishly, expecting rebuke.
"Well, you're hoping I'll change my mind, right?"
"Yah..."
"Why is it you will keep pestering me for something I've already told you NO for, but you'll give up on God and quit asking Him just because He's not answering in your time frame or how you want, right now?"
The child was caught-and they knew it.
Deer in the head lights look as the point registered in their brain...then a big, comfortable grin.

It made sense. I didn't have to read a parable to get the point across. This was a child-size version of the same thing.

Luke 18 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. ² He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. ³ And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’⁴ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, ⁵ yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

We do that don't we? Sometimes we begin to feel discouraged, doubt God hears or is even listening. Maybe we even become angry--if we're being honest--so we choose to give God the 'silent treatment'. It's not the best way to handle our disappointment is it? It's usually based on UNtruth anyway, again if we're being honest. Because truth tells us that God hears all of our prayers and he desires what is best and most beneficial for us--whether that is what we are asking for or not.

Mothers, and fathers, don't forget or neglect the influence you have on your children. Be gentle with their hurting hearts, but don't leave them there. Guide and direct them on how to push through the hurts and disappointments. Remind them how God always hears and is always there and always available. They need that reassurance that they are loved and not forsaken when they are hurting. Why do you think God repeats it so many times in the Bible, Himself?

There are no wasted moments, even the ones that seem insignificant. 

A Few Simple ways to Teach your Children to have a Heart of Prayer

Most Christians will admit the importance of prayer in their lives, whether they practice the discipline or not. Christian parents will agree they want their children to pray regularly as well. The most common prayer times would be around shared meals in the form of saying grace, at least. I wonder how often that really happens these days as even in our own home, we don't eat around a common table very often anymore. For one reason, we don't all fit around the table! Also, we are often eating meals at various times.

Another common time to pray with children is before bed, am I right? I used to do this too and then the Mr. took over the bedtime ritual. Nighttime prayers, said together, hardly ever happen these days. However, if you don't pray at these traditional times you can still utilize other times of the day.

What I have found works is emphasizing to my kiddos that prayer can be anytime. I believe God meant it when he wrote and instructed us to, "Pray without ceasing." 1 Thess 5:17KJV. Therefore what I am nurturing in my own children is an attitude of prayer that is not restricted to specific times. For example, we spend a lot of time praying in the car. Nearly an hour when I am driving oldest to work. We pray all the way there and all the way back.

Another thing we do is pray for specific people using reminders. Such as, when we see a specific car of someone we know, we say a simple prayer for that person, every.time.we.see.that.car! This is our prayer: "Dear Lord, bless _______ & may he/she be the man/woman of God you have created them to be." Often we've been on a drive and seen a specific car, one right after another. That person is having prayers for blessings prayed for them sometimes 10 times in a drive!!!

I also encourage them to pray for *everything* they think of. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.   Eph 6:18 NIV. I believe and want to encourage within them, an attitude of prayer that goes to God for everything and in every situation. I want praying to be second nature for them. A habit they think of to do *first*, not as a last resort when they are desperate. I want them to be comfortable approaching their Holy Father with every concern of their heart.

It's never too early (or late!)  and they are never too young, to begin teaching your children to pray. Even my 3yo has simple 2 sentence prayers he prays.

Another thing we do is to pray scripture. We recite God's promises to us in our prayers and pray they will come to pass in our lives. We quote scripture to reinforce God's word within our hearts and souls. We often repeat actual scriptures of God's promises and instructions to us.

I encourage them to pray with thanksgiving when they are happy and also when they are sad...even if they are angry or upset. I want my children to view God as approachable--in whatever state they may be in. I want them to know that He will *never* reject them when they come to him.  Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matt 19:14

When my children are emotionally upset or disturbed, I pray over them. If they are being ornery, I pray over them. Even the 3yo, if he is being extra mischievous or out of sorts, I will get down to his level, ask him to look at me and say a one sentence prayer to calm his spirit and while still making eye contact-tell him he is loved. It is *amazing* how this affects him positively. His entire demeanor and attitude changes.

Yes, being an example is also important. However, most of my deep prayer times are alone in my room, mornings before I even get out of bed & at night before I go to sleep. My children wouldn't really know that I do that. BUT praying WITH them, is much more effective, I think.

Prayers don't need to be elaborate to be effective. Talking aloud with God, in front of your children will suffice. Ask them to agree with you within their hearts. Their hearts and souls will be affected, whether they realize it or not. 

Blurry Focus

This Christmas has been somewhat different. In some ways it is very similar to Christmases past....

My children, like many, can be self-focused. heck *I* can be very self-focused. It's easy really. However, as a parent, I attempt to get them focused on the real, the meaningful and eternal qualities of life.

At our church this past month we have been having a Random Acts of Kindness Campaign. Encouraging the congregation to outwardly bless others, in unexpected and random ways. I struggled with this at first because, as a family, I try to lean toward a spirit of outward generosity already. So this campaign felt a little forced because it was actions we tend to already practice. It is almost second nature that as we were instructed to recall and share our acts of kindness, I often couldn't remember what they were. I had to make a concerted effort to try and keep track.

I also try to encourage my children toward opportunities to serve as a family. This is not always the case or possible but for the most part, I include all of them in service projects as much as possible.

One thing we did this season was "Adopt-A-Family" through a local hospital. These families have sick children suffering from cancers or blood diseases. We made and purchased gifts for the family we were assigned. Oldest made most of the 'purchases' while I did most of the 'making' and I included my other children through out the process.

I told them they were not going to be getting gifts this year because we were going to GIVE instead. They are very blessed, they will get at least a few gifts from extended family members, I know this. Although, I know they desire in their hearts for specific toys and other items, they are not in need. That's the other funny thing about Christmas gift giving...it's so unnecessary. I LOVE to have nice, new shiny things....but when I or my kids have a need--I usually acquire it for them, regardless of the time of year. And if I can spare it and find it beneficial, I may give them a treat or reward too.

Here's the thing....walking through the stores, even *I* could feel the desire rise up in my heart. Oh, such wonderful items, fresh sheets, pretty blankets, sweaters, shoes, stickers, glitter, dolls, books, magazines, the list could go on and on. It's amazing how quickly the desire ebbed when I left the stores. I certainly don't have the Spirit of Giving and giving generously, mastered. In no way...but it's something I strive for within the hearts of my family.

We dropped our "adopt-a-family" gifts off late. They were due on Thursday and we were dropping them off Friday morning. At the same time, recipient families were picking up their gifts. When we entered the office, two different families were represented, by a mother and another mother with her child. The mother that was alone had A LOT of bags filled with gifts to carry down to her car. It was second nature to offer to help her carry them down.

She was very grateful and I could tell also a little embarrassed maybe that she was receiving these *donated* gifts...because she began to explain how she hadn't even had a chance to go shopping. I did not care because I already understood. She also had trouble holding back tears of gratefulness...to the givers of the gifts, to us for helping her. Her son and husband were waiting in the car. They could not come up because the son's immune system was extra low and great care needed to be taken to keep him safe and healthy as possible. His eyes appeared extra large in contrast to his hairless head.

He waved and smiled at us as we wished the family Merry Christmas after my kids helped them load up their trunk. I wished I could just grab him and give HIM a big kiss and hug....and his mom & his dad. The tears formed in my eyes.

The shiny things, the gifts--suddenly all meaningless. I know without a doubt, that mother and father would give up every material possession they have if it meant their child would no longer be sick. They'd forfeit ever having Christmas again just to have a healthy, 'normal' day--free from sickness and fear of the worst case scenario.

It's all meaningless. Yes, I know that as a Christian. I know Christ came to save me in my worthless state of being. I've always known it in my mind. Seeing that family, reminded my heart. NONE of this matters, the lights, the trees, the wrapping paper, the tinsel, the glitter.

What matters is what is in the heart. Out of that love, there is no gift that can compare.


O Holy night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth
Long lay the world, in sin and error pining
Till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth.

Sitting my dented mini-van, leaving that parking lot, I knew I could have given more to the family we were assigned. I could have made more, I could have provided more gifts. I know they will be grateful but nothing I have was so important that it could not be done with out. I can't heal their child, but I could give, with a generous heart. I have nothing to with hold because I have been so blessed.

My soul has felt it's worth, only because He has appeared.
What else can compare?

I am still slightly tempted to get my children gifts, and I still might. But part of me thinks if I do...I will only cheapen our holiday in some way. As if a gift can really satisfy or capture the Spirit we are seeking to live, breathe, walk and convey. I refuse to listen to the lies of misplaced guilt and lust. Giving materially is easy. Truly giving of myself, that is the challenge.

Maybe that is my challenge for this new year....to truly give unconditionally, until I really no longer can. No more holding back, being selfish or greedy with my time, my love, my resources. I wonder what will happen if I do.....

My thoughts are a mix of words and emotions within me....I'm off to sleep on it.

Figured something out!

First: K will be 2 years old in just about a week! Can you believe it? That's not what I figured out though...

He is, by far, the MOST active child of the four.  S is a close second and really threw me for a loop when he was born but K is way beyond him.  He literally runs in circles just because he has the energy.

Ok well this is a challenge for me at church.  Everyone else thinks he's adorable-and he is-but *I* want him to learn how to behave properly and not disrupt people.  On Sunday mornings, we meet in an elementary school cafeteria/auditorium.  It's very casual and laid back atmosphere.  K has been arriving at church and, literally, running around during the worship time, before they take the children outside. Many of us are standing for worship so it's not out of place for him to not actually be sitting. But he will run around the perimeter of all the seats, and one time, right down the middle as the pastor started speaking. He really does not disrupt anyone because he does not stop, you simply see a flash of toddler running past.  Pastor does not mind at all--but *I* do.

Well, yesterday, he happened to be ready awhile before we let for church.  So Birdy took him outside to ride his bike. That was a first because usually we are scrambling out the door.  Well, we arrived at church and he was fairly calm.  He didn't run all around.  He enjoyed some snacks and even sat down for a little while to eat them. Then I realized what we had done differenlty.

I am not exaggerating when I say that he rarely, if ever, SITS down.  He doesn't even stop moving in his sleep--he rolls back and forth in my his bed, all through the night. I saw this happen for the first time the other day but I filed it to the back of my mind.

He seemed a bit antsy and it was almost evening.  I realized he had not been outside all day. I took him out and forced him to RUN.  Had him chase me and I chased him and we were having a total blast...until he decided to run into the street! That quickly ended and I took him inside. He was sorely disappointed BUT after he calmed down, he SAT on the couch.  calmly and nicely, on the couch. I was stunned but moved on to other responsibilities.

So if you have a super squirmer, before getting frustrated or disciplining for misbehavior--perhaps some preemptive activity might be the solution.  I have seen this help tremendously for my 10 year old's focus and attention but I've never had to worry about one so young. 

So from here on out--I'm working in some major, large-muscle-group play time BEFORE church...and any other event that will require sitting.

Fearless Parenting

This idea of parenting with out fear has been ruminating (I think that's my second use of the word 'ruminate' this week...) in my mind for awhile now. Probably more so since my oldest is nearing his 18th birthday and graduating high school this semester.

My mother was a teen age mom.  She would have been the first graduate of the teen mother program at the high school she attended but I was born in April and  dramatically slowed down her progress. She did graduate eventually. I can look back now and realize many of the things she said to me (on a regular basis) were provoked by fear. The way she parented me, was not a style of encouragement and freedom, although I am sure that is what she wanted for me.  It was oppressive and smothering.

I can clearly see now that one, if not thee, greatest fear she had, was of me ending up pregnant like her. Many times she would angrily tell me how I would end up pregnant! So many times my inner reaction was one of knowing, no matter what I did, it would not be good enough, because I wasn't doing anything wrong to begin with but here she was so angry and so sure I was!  How could I ever 'win'?  It didn't take long before my new inner attitude was one of preparing to get out of there as fast as I could.....IF I ever could.  After years of this, her words became somewhat of a self fulfilling prophecy.  I wasn't a teen mom but I did fall fast and hard for one of the first guys to show some committed interest in me and we were soon engaged, pregnant then married.....at 19 years old.

And now here I sit with one on the brink of adulthood.  Of course, there are choices I've made in my life that I don't want him to make. But I don't feel that fear is a good method for parenting.  I knew there were certain aspects of my own childhood I did not want to repeat for my own children.  Certain aspects of my own mother's parenting I did not want to copy.

So how to communicate the things I wanted for my son (& other children) with out letting my words be ruled by *fear*? It is more than simply NOT making accusatory judgments like my own mother. I had to completely turn around my way of thinking and that resulted in turning around my words.  For some parents, I realize, this was a no brainer, but not having an example to work from I was on my own here....somewhat.

First tool was TONS of prayer.  Since my children were born, I've prayed over them and their future. Last few years I've also asked specifically for wisdom, guidance and insight on how to most effectively communicate with them, not just AT them.  I'm pretty good at communicating AT them all by myself. ;-)

Instead of speaking out all the negative things or bad choices he may or may not make in his life, I realized a better way.  To speak out all the positive things I wanted for him.  Highlight the positive characteristics he possessed, encourage talents God had given him.  Remind him, God gave him these talents to use, to glorify Him. 

Really, it's been about reminding him who he is *meant* to be.  Reminding him of his identity in Christ.  Responsibility  comes with this, naturally.  He is an example, I remind him.  Others are watching him.  God has a plan for his life. He is destined for greatness.  He is to be a man who protects.  

more thoughts on this later...

A small glimpse on child training

I don't think I've ever really blogged about how I train my children.  I think many people assume I have naturally easy going kids. That is far from the truth and maybe someday I will go into more detail about that. ;-)

I have many areas I lack in as a parent but I do sincerely love & enjoy my children and I make a concerted effort to make sure that they *know* this. I would like to start with a list of a few things I have done as a mother and that have proven to work for our family.

1. I apologize when I am wrong and ask for their forgiveness.

2. I respect their individual personalities and do not expect to make clones of myself.

3. When I recognize a character flaw in them, I check myself to see if I am exhibiting it first & make changes as necessary.

4. For my oldest, I acknowledge that parenting him, as the first born, is new territory and a learning experience for all of us, mistakes are bound to happen on all sides.

5. I allow & encourage my children in their own personal relationship with Christ and expression of it.

6. I pray diligently and sincerely for each of my children & their future spouses, and wisdom for myself as their parent.

7. We support each other, primarily, as a *family*.  This usually means attending individual functions (like sports events, musical recitals, art shows) as a family, not just the parents.

8. I do not treat them all the same.  I treat them according to what their age and maturity necessitates.

9.  I am not afraid to acknowledge to them that sometimes I really do NOT know what I am doing.

10. I speak positively to them of their dad & do not allow negative comments to be made about him.

11. I listen to their opinions even if they are wrong and I fully disagree and I thoroughly explain my reasons why.

12. Supervision is my number 1 parenting tool, for any age.

13. We laugh together A LOT.

Wow! I guess I could keep going on and on, the more I think about it.  And let me admit that I have probably FAILED at each one of these things @ some point, I am sure....thus the NEED for number 1!!! 

I glean from those who have gone before me and respect their wisdom.  I have read many parenting books and have probably instituted various insights I've gained from each one.  I don't believe any *one* method of training children is the absolute *right way* & I don't believe any one method can claim to be God's *only* way of training children.

I believe some child training 'methods' can be as destructive to parenting, as 'religion' is to a personal relationship with Christ.  Children, from the same 2 parents, are created so unique and individual, how could they ever possibly respond the exact same way to the same parenting & discipline techniques?  They have their own physical dna, how could we deny that they have their very own heart dna too?

I try to parent each child according to what works best, based on their individual temperaments, love languages, passions, weaknesses & personalities.  I am in constant prayer for wisdom and knowledge on how to best & most appropriately love and care for each one of them, so that they can flourish & thrive into the individual being God has created them to be.

How's that for a small glimpse? ;-)