Surrender

THIS was the THEME of my week, ALL week: SURRENDER! That verse about how WE make our plans BUT God directs our steps kept coming to mind. *I* have somewhat of a weekly summer routine. Everyday this week, my plans were thrown off. I usually consider myself very *flexible* but wow was it a challenge. 

I started to get it by Wednesday, for Bird's birthday...I was about to get upset, literally stopped and said a prayer aloud: God I surrender to YOUR plans. It's NOT my day, this is YOUR day so YOUR will be done! But it didn't quit...Even today I had plans and they did NOT work out. sigh. 

I drove all the way out to the labor dept that offers immediate/walk-in/same-day entertainment work permits. I considered waiting until MONDAY but thought, NO, I am going to BEAT this procrastination and just get it done! 

Maps has it as 45min drive...mid-day, it took about an hour! Ok whatever. The traffic was on OUR side, so figured it would be easier getting home.

Turns out you can not renew a work permit earlier than 30 days in advance....so ONE kid got his and the other 2? I was 2 days too early! So MONDAY would have been PERFECT! Again whatever. So we head home, it's 1:50pm, oldest has to be at work by 3pm. NO worries.

The freeway was PACKED all the the way back. Seriously the traffic was ONLY on OUR side and OUR lanes. haha. He was totally LATE to work.  I felt so bad. He was like an hour late by the time we stopped at the house so he could call and he finally arrived.  We were ALL so drained. It took 1.5 hours to get home.
Later we went to the park to watch an outdoor movie. To top it off in the most ridiculous fashion...we got lost in the local neighborhood, trying to find our car! (there's a lesson worth blogging about later in that, for sure)

Even today...I had to surrender to God's plan, regardless of my own. Surrender is an act of faith for sure. We give up control. When we do, though, we experience peace and freedom. The strife and struggle to make things happen and control a situation, disappears. Surrendering to Christ says; I continue to trust God in all matters. It's a good place to be.

Happy Birthday to Me

It was the day after the investigative interview. I was still reeling and felt pretty confused and depressed. Before I was even out of bed my daughter greeted me with a large gift bag containing a gift her dad, my estranged husband, had taken them to get for me. I immediately burst into tears.

Once again, I was only left with the same plaguing thought, How did we get here?

In less than 24 hours my husband had chosen to disown both our oldest son and myself on social media.

Any birthday plans I imagined I'd have, all went up in the air when the middles got a last minute call for an audition in Santa Monica. That was going to take a significant portion of our day just for the drive back. Oh well.

We had rehearsal that night and arrived late to a surprise shout of HAPPY BIRTHDAY from my cast mates. That filled my heart with warmth.

I fought not to get down. It's just a day, in the big scheme of things. Tears dry up quickly.

As I left to get oldest from work, a friend showed up at the same time bearing gifts! What a fabulous surprise. I was literally on my way out the door and there she was ready to knock. This isn't a friend I see very much, if at all, anymore but here she was. How special to know that God had laid it on her heart to remember me and bless me like this. We talked way too long, or I did at least, and she was kind enough to listen and understand.

Later, I sat on my couch, everyone finally in bed, reviewing the day when a message popped up on my social media account. Another friend wrote to tell me they left a gift on my porch for me. What!?! It was almost midnight too. How exciting is that? I jumped up, threw the door open to find a pot of fresh Easter Lillies, and a gift bag of goodness. This was another friend I don't see very often either. Again, God put me on her mind to bless.

Happy tears this time. Grateful tears. Tears of gratitude and love. My day had come full circle, starting and ending with tears, accompanied by opposing emotions.

In a dark time and space, God remembers us. He shows us His love for us. He created us in our mother's womb, hand crafted...how could He ever forget our birthday?

It was a feverish, vomiting, couch cover washing, car dying, audition rescheduling, neck aching, grace needing, low key kind of day.

My day was planned. I had a plan. It was a full but good plan. Take oldest to work, earlier than usual, take middle to an audition later in the day, and everything in between. Those two spots were the required tasks, all the rest were every day filler.

Instead, the youngest woke in the middle of the night, fearful and with a high fever. It continued into the day but now accompanied by whining and fatigue.

The middle son woke up still feeling residual fatigue, achiness and an over all not-feeling-good, from the day before. That led to a little debate and then the decision to call in, and unfortunately, opt out of the audition.

Not long after, youngest woke up from a morning nap, started crying again and promptly vomited all over the couch.  I strip the couch covers off. Only one cushion was the lucky recipient but you can't just wash ONE cover, right? Youngest goes in the bath, crying the entire time.

At some point a desperate phone call was made to a friend for spiritual support--I knew we were headed for one of those days. Youngest fell back to sleep. It would not bode well to try and get him dressed and in the car to take oldest to work...yah, it wasn't even noon yet.

Left middles home with youngest and proceeded to take oldest to work. Which required a trip to the gas station first and then swing by the bank. Between the gas station and the bank, my car died. It just stopped. In the street. I restarted it. Detour to Pep Boys to get oil because that is all I really know how to check and do. Oldest had to let his boss know, he would be late coming in early.  Car was a little shaky but drove. This deserves a Starbucks run by now. I had a gift card. Unexpected, extra long line. Swing by the bank and finally headed to oldest's job, late coming in early.

Back home, every one's awake again, watching cartoons.
"Mommy, I cried for you," says my youngest as he starts crying again.
Agent calls and audition has been rescheduled to next week. Yay! More vomiting, of an orange, on the blanket that was covering the bare couch cushions.

More crying. Middle son makes a miraculous recovery after the audition is rescheduled and a shower. The youngest seems best to sleep in nothing but a towel.

The Mr. is not going to be able to take the kids out after all, since there is vomiting involved. They hang out here. Watching a movie sounds good...along with laundry. Oldest calls, his ride misunderstood. I'm back out to get him, later than usual, due to the mix up. Drop him off at his Bible study.  I fall asleep long before he ever gets home.

We make plans. We have plans. Plans are good...usually. I keep thinking of this verse, for my life right now, as hope for other people. God will direct other peoples steps...according to MY plans...which of course, line up with God's plans...I'm sure of it.

Then there is this day. What plans? I trust the day to His plans. Knowing He has a plan. I'm living it. It's now.   Even when it includes vomit and head aches and requires grace. Lots of it. In the midst of laundry, these are His plans. I don't know why. He will and is directing my steps in the way I should go. I can surrender the change of plans, my steps to Him...because I choose to trust.

Tuesday on Set

Yesterday was crazy on set...today was more low key though there were more people here...that I know personally too. Yesterday there were homeless people--I mean actual homeless people to play homeless people in a church/mission scene.

One was a transvestite and he exposed his breast to me and threw off his wig in a fit...it was interesting to me that I could immediately tell he was reacting to an incident, internalizing and taking the situation completely personal when it was completely NOT personal--not about him at all.

I could see that he had been hurt in life...before he confirmed it I knew; prostitution, drug use...a very abused and hurt individual...a life led by addictions, alcohol, lack of identity, exploitation and self abuse...very sad. So what to do?

I believe a few years ago..or maybe just any other day I would have just stayed there to myself with my friend, conversing and ignored him completely. But for some reason, I did not feel socially afraid of him in any way and did not feel like I wanted or needed to ignore him.

So since he was still getting upset...I turned to him and simply acknowledged his pain. Then I bent down a bit to look in his eyes and put my hand on his big gnarly man hand with the long red painted fingernails and began to speak to him.

"It sounds like you have been very hurt. You are right, you are here for a purpose and God does love you." I continued, "Whatever happened inside there, is between those people and God. They are going to answer for that.  But we, are going to just let it go and forgive...and be free," I took a deep breathe, indicating and encouraging that he do the same.

I spoke softly, encouraging him to quiet down and knowing he was hungry continued, "You're going to get some food, let's just quiet down and everything is going to be ok. We are going to be free and forgive. Just take a deep breath and simply let go, release and forgive."

He did calm down...he was pretty teary eyed by then. "Thank You," he said.

I feel like the instinct is to think I did something great for this man--went out of my comfortable bubble and 'oh look at me a member of the great white hope, reaching out!' But really--*I* certainly don't think that at all. I don't feel special and I don't even think *I* did anything special at all. My eyes were opened to recognize a hurting individual, a human being...who carries his baggage right there with him at all times...mainly in the form of artificial feminine breasts that are permanently attached to his chest. 

He had two bullet wound scars on his right arm...beside a long scar running the length of the inside of his forearm...I think 'track mark' scars on the inside of both elbows, a bypass surgery scar over his heart, long scars along his neck and across his left forearm...and he was missing some teeth.

He also wore a hospital identification bracelet but it didn't look new.

I think it all seemed so obvious to me because...because...I don't know exactly...because of my own life and the need for forgiveness? Being able to recognize when another person over reacts--compassion is stirred if you are aware. If you understand the need for forgiveness and the freedom it carries when you do. His name was Ericka but I think his birth name was Tony.

He finally left after being told to be quiet for the last time.

"I am leaving! I AM a star and what you people are doing in there is WRONG! I am going to make my own tape and then you will see!" He said to the assistant that told him to be quiet.

He came back later when he realized he forgot his blanket. Then he walked around to the back of the building to ask for one of the producers, to get him and his friends some food. He had left before lunch.

Later we realized someone stole my four year old's ice cream $$$ from my bag...but we all had our lap tops and Iphones out in the dressing room so I figured that was a small price to pay for nothing else of higher value, being stolen. A costumer's atm card and the make-up girl's credit card were stolen...but not cash from their wallets or other cards...interesting.

I thought it was a good day over all.

Good Bye Summer

It's time to wind down for us. The freedom of lazy days with out care for time and obligation are gone. Technically it is still the season of summer but we've stepped into the 'no-cartoons-or-tv-until-all-work-is-finished season--that means SCHOOL!

I love to look back over our summer and all the wonderful times we shared, especially the moments I never got around to writing about. We had lots of relaxing days filled with peace and joy.

We enjoyed our city's annual firework show. This year we tailgated with my brother's family, my dad and my other brother and his wife.
























One afternoon my Birdy-girl and I played with a henna kit and decorated ourselves. We had a lot of fun creating designs and writing words on our hands and feet.

We had so much fun, even Sammy decided he needed to get in on the action. He ended up with designs on his hands too. One of his hands had a compass on it. It was almost prophetic because I know he was really needing direction in his life, from the Lord, at that time.

I wrote words on my hands. I felt like they would be absorbed into my soul. They were symbolic representations of the virtues I needed and wanted to carry in my spirit.

That was a pleasant afternoon. I can't wait to get another kit and practice making more designs on our hands and feet. Birdy ended up with a design that went all the way up her arm!

I had set a goal to run one mile every day for a year. Well....I made it 28 days straight before I broke my streak. It was what I needed at the time and it helped me maintain my emotional and mental stability. Someday...I really will reach my full year goal.

Sam had a few auditions and one of them was at Universal Studios. On our way back through the lot to our car...we snuck and took this quick shot with Mr. Potato Head!

Another summer day, my nephews went with us when Sammy had two auditions in the same general area. In between, we decided to hang around Hollywood and check out the Walk of Fame.

I don't think my nephews had ever been to the Walk of Fame before. Sammy really wanted to get a pic next to Michael Jackson's star but his was too crowded.




Then there were days we stayed home and did exactly what summer is for: nothing. We laid around the house, kids got wet in the back yard or jumped on the trampoline.

In the evening times we'd gather on my bed (you know, community property) and choose a favorite worship song or two and sing along. Then we would pray. This has now become an almost-nightly tradition.





One afternoon, a friend from church invited the ktbunch over to ride her horse. They absolutely LOVED it. This was one of the first times they'd ever *really* ridden a horse.

They had so much fun and really enjoyed it. Even Kurtis got in on the action. The horse really seemed to like them too. My kids were so great, they volunteered to help clean up the stable and feed the horse afterward. Who knew shoveling manure would be so 'thrilling'? lol

They got the hang of leading the horse around real quick, and took turns with each other.

Over all, I'd say we had a pretty fab summer.

We did some new things and stuck with some annual traditions. We spent lots of days at the beach and parks.

One night we even got to watch an outdoor, evening performance of Romeo and Juliet. It was lovely.


Happy Summer.

Sunday Morning

We went to the beach this morning instead of church. The Mr. was working on a project with a friend that included the toddler as well. It was quite a drive, to Malibu, past the Getty Villa--which I'd still like to visit. I've been to the Getty but not the villa.

We parked at an awesome spot that included a cliff and trail & tons of stairs down to the beach. I've totally forgotten the name and it's something obvious too. haha. We thought we were in the right place but we weren't. Trying to find the Mr's friend was kind of funny;

"Where are you?"
"At the cliff."
"Ok." traipse along the cliff.
"We can't find you."
"We're at the beach now."
"Ok, we'll head down. We're on the beach, don't see you?"
"We're under the cliff."


 They were at another beach location. Hello, we live on a coastal state--that means the entire 'edge' is a BEACH! haha.

It wasn't too far. The Mr. and the toddler worked their magic and got it done. The middles were happy to spend some time in the sand, building sand castles & {pretending} trying not to get wet at the waters edge. Of course, since I was barely in the sand, I was the ONLY one to get a large blog of tar stuck to the bottom of my foot.

At least the drive is mainly along the coast and that is a very nice view.

I  love living in California, totally LOVE it.

I never want to move.....I don't think.

A day...in the life: the "talent" side.

I don't normally post about "the business" or the Mr.'s involvement...but, well, I've changed my mind.

Tuesday morning the Mr. woke to do his daily work out and then he was off to an audition. Right before he left for his audition we were excited to get a call from their agent that Sam booked another commercial and it shoots the next day!

After the Mr's audition, he had a commercial shoot. It's highly confidential so I can't share the fine details...but this particular one was extra special because it ended up involving my brother, his wife and a friend, unbeknownst to them. That's truly all I can say about that for now.

Sam had a voice over audition but we had to decline because I had my nephews for my brother and his wife and was responsible for picking them up from school. There was no way we were going to get to LA in time, after picking up the nephews.

After the commercial the Mr. went to get some eats with his friend for a little down time, then was back on the road for rehearsal with his regular improv group. Nope, still not headed home...he then headed to the theater to fill in with some friends in their improv show. He arrived home after midnight.

Wednesday morning the Mr. went to work out and would later head back into Hollywood for his regularly scheduled improv show. I headed to LA to take Sam in to the voice over audition we missed on Tuesday. We needed to be there before 11am. I took a wrong turn, couldn't find parking--all the side streets were permit only. I didn't have quarters for the meters and parallel parking is a weakness. I dropped him off and finally found a very wide space and was able to use my ATM card in the meter. Whew! He was late but they let him read anyway. The lobby was filled with adults, loud, obnoxious ones. We've been there before with other children who were quiet and much more well behaved than these adults. I'm not exaggerating.

I don't usually do this but since we had been rushing and felt frazzled, we stopped for a snack at Starbucks. I got a tea latte and coffee cake, he ordered chocolate milk and oatmeal. I should have had the oatmeal too.

Back home for about an hour and half then we were on our way to Azuza for Sam's commercial shoot. Traffic was good and we arrived about a half hour earlier than necessary. However...I could NOT find the place we were supposed to meet at. After circling for what felt like days I finally figured it out. It was horribly located and no where you'd expect that particular address to be. I called the contact and they were on their way. I noticed the other parents with their kids (aka: "talent") were also there.

Finally someone arrived to take us to the shoot location but for some reason it was determined we would all just follow in our own cars. The other two parents cut out ahead of me and blocked me from pulling out so I was last in the caravan and was also held up at the light. I was pretty irritated by it, honestly. Oh! Did I mention this is a city/town full of large, main ONE WAY streets! So confusing to find your way around. I kept feeling like I was on the wrong side of the road because I was next to the curb on my left hand side.

I made my way back into the caravan and took many deep breathes. We were actually headed up the mountain! The boys were going to do a scene in a tent but I honestly thought it was going to be in someone's back yard! I prayed my way up the mountain, for grace so I could extend more of it and not have a bad attitude toward the other parents, and for protection from those winding mountain roads.

It was actually a lovely location--never mind the graffiti! I made myself friendly to the other parents and they actually seemed nice. Sammy had worked with one of the boys on his Sharkies commercial shoot. I'm sure being in nature helped to calm all our nerves. It would be a great place to hike. There were non-industry people there watching the set up...one woman appeared to be bathing when we arrived.

 The boys hung out along the water's edge before it was time for costumes.

I was surprised to find out I should have had a copy of Sammy's birth certificate and social security card along with his work permit and Coogan Account information. I was not asked for the identifying information on his last shoot. So now I know but it was awkward. I have to make a phone call  today and/or send an email to get that information to the right people ASAP! The other parent from the Sharkies commercial didn't have that information either so I didn't feel too bad about it. 

They were supposed to be in Spain and/or from Spain....and in a tent.

(I don't know why blogger distorts some pictures that are longer rather than wider? arg!)

Sammy looks older in this pic than he actually did---I don't know why he didn't want to SMILE!

Here he is waiting at his mark with the costumer making a few minor adjustments.

Let's just pretend I purposely blurred these shots to preserve the anonymity of strangers I don't have permission to post pix of. :-)

Still a little bit of daylight....

No more daylight....

That is the tiny pup tent they were in. The light on the right hand side is the monitor--it shows the action the camera is shooting. It's a pretty cool piece of equipment. The shoot didn't take but a few hours...then it was back down the mountain, along a winding road with out any street lights. I grabbed us another bite to eat on the way home, since it was almost 7pm by then. Then oh, let's just say another 20 minutes of circling before I realized the street I was looking for had turned into another street name and when I did finally realize I couldn't take it anyway because it was a ONE WAY street headed in the opposite direction!!!!

Finally made it home to take oldest to youth group, late. Come home for about an hour and head back to pick him up....then it was time for the middles and little to go to bed.

Thursday morning I have a personal meeting, then the middles have a teacher's meeting. Sammy will have to miss dance class because of it and then they each have late auditions scheduled for 5:45pm and 7:00pm.

Want to join the business? :)

My Shark-boy

Sammy booked his first commercial and shot it today. He was one of about 11 or so kids w/ shark fins on their backs, swarming in frenzied shark-like circles, stalking a 'mom' bringing home some Sharkies fruit snacks!

It was quite an eye opener for him. I tried to prepare him for all the time he would have on his hands & told him to bring his science book to work on. He didn't believe me. By the end of the afternoon....he was convinced that *next time* he was definitely bringing his science book! lol

We sat around most of the day, eating. They have a table spread that can't be beat. They were short one fin so he wasn't in most of the scenes they shot. Which made the day even more boring & disappointing. Once they released most of the talent, they put a fin on him and he was able to shoot a close up scene. Of course I hope they use it. He was in the group shot, of them huddled in a fruit-snack-feeding-frenzy but I don't think you'll see him cause he doesn't have a fin on. A few of the bigger kids were obnoxious and rowdy and created some not very fun moments. But over all, I think it was a good experience for him. After they shot his individual scene, we were released and he was on cloud nine. I'm sure the endorphin boost from the running they made him do & the sweet Sharkies snacks they had them eat had something to do w/ it too. :-)