Propel Womens Conference

Filled to capacity...3000 women.

I was blessed to be invited to this conference, last minute by my sweet friend, Jen. I had no idea what it would be like...and I was giving up a Friday Hike Day for it! I went with expectation...to hear a personal Word from the Lord. He did not disappoint. 

So grateful for this thoughtful friend.

It's a little scary, to tell the truth, being at an event with 2998 other women I don't know. I figured there were women in attendance that I actually did know and I was right...confirmed thanks to my instagram feed. haha.
Seriously though. SO easy to get caught up in all the female insecurities when I begin to focus on the falsity of comparison. All these other women, stylish, beautiful, fashionable, taller, thinner, trendier, happier...the list goes on. It's overwhelming. Easy to give into it and shrink back into myself-which is exactly the opposite of what was being shared from the stage. Thank goodness!

It's amazing how one bad report can keep an entire generation from their destiny. ~ Christine Caine

 Instead, there were life giving and affirming messages of hope and leadership. Christine Caine started it out and whoa--I was full and ready to go home after hearing her. She is funny and honest and inspniring, to put it mildly.
What I got most from her, the theme of the entire conference, was that we are ALL called to leadership. This sounds controversial, within the church when it comes to females--but the truth each speaker conveyed, was if you are e believer in Jesus Christ, you are called to lead people to Christ...from wherever you are!
I think we can all agree with that.
She was so humble about it though, actually being the one ON the stage, speaking to us. She admitted the only difference between her and us, was that she may have gotten more support. True. 

Her advice for that was to PRAY! Pray for favor. Pray for change within churches so that all women will be empowered to operate in her individual giftings and talents. 

When we learn how to feast, we will stop faking... ~ Beth Moore

 The messages were all so validating. It's not that one type of leadership is better than another. A woman on the stage or behind the pulpit is not more important or more of a leader than the traditional stay at home mom or a woman in the market place. We are all called to live like Christ and share our faith, wherever Christ has called us to serve. one is not above or below, better or worse than the other.

I believe THAT is the message of empowerment for women within the church and in community. The answer to women having sincere relationships is support not competition and condemnation. Instead, supporting each other where we are. No need to feel condemned or ashamed or put down because we are on different paths or in different places in life, ministry and marketplace.
WoW!

If older people stop dreaming, they will never inspire vision in younger people. ~Brian Houston 

 Brian Houston is Christine Caine's pastor. It is refreshing to see a male leader be so supportive of females. I will admit I tend to be biased and skeptical given my background and experience with male dominated leadership. I felt extremely frustrated and even hopeless for real change at times. 

THis conference though, was positive. I want to remember to focus on that. We can all continue to pursue Christ and pray for those who may block our pursuits of God's will for our lives. 

We must remember we can not change anyone or anything on our own, only God can.

...women being in leadership is not a right but a DUTY. ~ Dr. Haylee Gray Scott

We have a duty to those that come after us, to continue to pursue God's will for our lives, regardless of challenges or obstacles we face. The messages were validating for where I am right.now. It's ok to be who you are, right where you are. It's also time to move forward and let of the negative and hurtful events, situations, lies and oppression of the past. It no longer has a hold on us. Great reminder not to go back there. Embrace who GOD says you are and keep pursuing that!

I left feeling amazing. I felt so affirmed. There was a personal prophetic word given as well. I knew it was coming. I knew what it would be and be about as soon as Christine Caine began to share that she had a word. I closed my eyes and raised my hand as instructed, as uncontrollable tears ran down my cheeks. Again, God speaking to and IN to my heart, in the deepest places and deepest desires to remind me that HE is in control. I am not forgotten and neither are the desires of my heart. He knows all. He is here, always.
Hallelujah!

If there is a Propel Women's Conference coming to your area--PLEASE ATTEND!!! 

True Grit Faith

The faith that is pressed down, abandoned but not crushed. When you're down to your last and all you've got is a faith that's shaking and you're hoping against hope that your foundation is built upon a rock that's solid cause you've got no more strength to fight your way out of sinking sand.

You're praying that all those words from the Word are true and you've got nothing to lose in believing they are but everything to gain. You're trudging through the miry clay, the compost of life, hoping to reap some black gold that will nourish the seeds you've planted.

You're on your own in a way you've never imagined and your pressing in, persevering, making the best out of nothing and calling it freedom. Choosing to smile. It's like living under a freeway and telling yourself it's camping. You've imagined the very worst case scenario and you praise that you aren't there yet.

There's no ego, humility is your uniform now. You've rolled up your shirt sleeves, grabbed your shovel and your in it to win it. One way or another.

Because when nothing looks like you thought it was, you've GOT to take God at His Word. Is He really for you when the world is against you? Is He on your side when you don't even have a side left? Is there really a life worth living, somewhere in your future...or right now? Is that man, dying on that cross, really going to live again?

You're a pioneer. You're holding on to dreams because you've chosen the hard road. You're the one that will not fold under the pressure. The one that doesn't sell out. The one that says I'll crawl to the finish line if I have to...but I will finish...and finish well. You believe, you know, there IS something more than this.

When you're fighting apathy, indifference, searching and fighting FOR passion, life, love...you go to sleep in surrender and awake with fresh determination. You won't give up. You can't. You will get through this. There is always grace--it's all grace. You will be strong because you know dependency on God in this life!

That's where you'll find your true grit faith.

A Call to Passion

This is what I'm looking for in my life. People, friends, lovers (of me, not my body) who are willing to rise to a higher standard, not slink down in lazy mediocrity.

I don't want to 'settle' anymore. I'm tired of settling. I'm tired of this feeling and attitude of just having to *accept* second best. I want to be a person who doesn't shrink back from challenge. Doesn't shy away from challenging people, places or situations. Are you stronger than me? Good!

I want to be surrounded by people who can challenge me to be stronger, strive harder, pray for the impossible. Where are those souls? The ones who aren't trying to suppress or oppress voices? The ones who aren't threatened or insecure. The ones who don't feel like a stronger voice is competition for their own agenda and self-promotion.

I want to be a person who isn't afraid to take God at His word. To believe He truly IS the God of the impossible. To challenge God to BE all that He claims he is. I'm not looking for the comfortable life.

I'm seeking the passionate life. The one that says: yes, I do have a voice and I want to hear yours. Yes, I am strong but only because I have friends and lovers strong enough to allow me to be me. A life that admits when I AM weak and trusts God's strength to help me continue on in passion for Him. Passion to change a life. Passion to change my life. Passion to admit God is changing my life.

A passion that declares the goodness of God while we're in the middle of shoveling manure. Where are those people? I know a few of them...

I want a life that says there is more than just life...there is a promise of abundant life. 

A life that declares joy. A life that grieves as passionately as it strives to celebrate. A life that refuses to believe in the impossible. A life willing to face challenge, embrace it, believing there is more than this. There is beauty around us. A life that refuses to walk away from love. A life that refuses to believe it can be nothing more than mediocre.

I refuse to believe life is meant to be so hard or depressing or sad and joyless. NO! I refuse. I refuse to admit defeat except when I'm acknowledging that I've been doing it in my own strength, power & limited knowledge void of divine intervention. A life that admits it can feel hard sometimes but embraces it anyway. A life that is not afraid of doing the hard things when it is the right thing to do.

I embrace the future because God says the future He has for me is one of hope, of prosperity. I am surrounded by prosperity. I not only have what I need but what I want. My cup runs over. I sit at a banqueting table, before my enemies and His banner over me is LOVE!

I am surrounded by love. I am surrounded by grace. I have so much that I can extend it beyond myself. I want a life that exemplifies grace and lets go of anger.

I want a life that holds tighter to the promises than to material things. A life that says, whatever I have is yours. Do you need something? Do I have what you need or want? If so, you are welcome to it. Every *thing* is replaceable and temporary.

A life that values people and time. I want to walk in God's time and realize that every moment is precious. Every moment is an opportunity to feel passionate. I don't want a life that is self-seeking. I want a life that serves, passionately. I want to be a lover, a passionate lover.

I want to tell you that God IS real. He loves You. He with holds no good thing from You. I want to admit I am nothing with out the power of Christ within me. I want you to know that I can only stand, write, speak, pray and love because of the grace of Christ running through my veins and beating within my heart.

I want you to know, like I know, that LOVE wins!  I want the faith that moves a mountain. I want a life that is free. I am free to forgive, regardless.

I want a partner that isn't trying to change me or remake me into their ideal. A partner that says I want you to be who Christ has created you to be. An equal partner in this life that isn't ruled by insecurity and fear. One that refuses to stay in a place of failure but walk in grace and is willing to passionately strive for excellence. I desire a friend that's willing to fight through it, fight through doubt to find the love. Fight through disappointment, fear and failure. A lover IS a fighter! Where is THAT strength? The strength that fights mediocrity!

I want to BE that partner. The one that admits I have failed horribly and I refuse to stay there! I don't want to lower my standards, I want friends who are willing to raise theirs.  I want a life that is willing to stop and stare at the sky and bask in His presence and awesome creation. One that charges forward and slows down to bring others along side.

I want to live a life that feels sorrow and still desperately clings to hope and LIFE. A life that LIVES.

I'm tired of fear filled, scared, half-lived living. Let's create a life that holds the scriptures as truth...not just the easy parts that we are confident in. Even the scriptures that we doubt...we hold tightly. I want friends willing to wrestle with God until we receive the blessings He's promised.

I want a community that isn't afraid to wrestle with God. I want friends, neighbors and family that consider Christ a friend and lover, not just this far away, distant God that lives beyond the stars, in judgment.

Can we be friends like that? Friends that make time? Embrace time. Friends that have the hard conversations that always lead back to truth. Friends who don't fear truth. Friends who desire truth more than soft words.

Am I that friend? Probably not. But I want to be. Friends who want to PRAY through tears and fears and sorrow and disappointment. I want friends who've been through the valley and aren't afraid to admit it. Friends who are IN the valley and feeling afraid but are moving forward anyway. I'm looking for friends who can be lovers...lovers of my soul, lovers willing to get dirty, lovers who desire to see grace work. Lovers willing to stay and help shovel the manure. I want friends who will pray for the impossible, beyond their own doubts.

I want to be the friend that admits: I'm sick of the manure but if YOU'RE in, I'M IN and grabs the shovel!

I'm tired of pretense. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of playing church, playing house, playing friends.
I'm tired of playing at life, coasting through, just hoping to make it out alive.

News Flash: we're NOT going to make it out alive!

The time for living is NOW. Life is not a lay over to eternity. Life is what makes eternity worth it. Life IS dirty. Let's stop pretending it isn't. Stop pretending like we have it together. I'm ready to lay my cards out on the table and admit I've really EFFED it up!

And guess what? I have NO idea how to clean it up. I can't. I'm not cool, not trendy, not hip. I don't have it all together. I'm often one breath away from throwing a brick through someone's window. I'm witty when I'm angry. I've hurt people. I've lost it. I'm standing here, covered in manure, with a torn heart on my sleeve. I'm needy and often pathetic.

My nose has run down my face and I've used my shirt to wipe it.

And here I am.

You'll fail me. I'll love you. I'll forgive you. I'll want to hold  a grudge and be angry and hate you and gossip about you. I want to prove my point. I want to be right...all.the.time. I want to win. I am competitive. I really want to have the last word.

Jesus loves me anyway. And His grace fills my heart to over-flowing when I think of you. It's Him, not me. And the failure--it's me, not Him. His divine love over powers me because I surrender. I admit total, utter and complete failure.

He died. Passionately.

For me. For you. For the friends and lovers and neighbors and family I have.
For the friends and lovers and neighbors and family I want to have.
For the friends and lovers and neighbors and family that I have yet to meet.

I am a passionate failure.

I am ready to embrace other passionate failures...that are ready and willing to join me in fighting our way OUT of this manure. Let's keep digging until we uncover the grace that is sufficient.

Hey! Maybe I just met you...and this is passionately crazy...
But, let's be friends. Call me! Maybe?