Belated Thoughts on Father's Day: Leave it to the Fathers

Helping the ktbunch create a gift for the Mr.

It came and went. I spent the day alone (aka: extrovert torture btw) while all the ktbunch went with their dad for the first time in I don't know how long. Well, let me not exaggerate, it wasn't a full day alone, only a few afternoon hours.

It's common to wish the opposite gender parent Happy Whatever day, when they are parenting alone. No offense intended, but statistics tell us, single parents are mostly women, mothers who are covering the majority, if not all, the child-rearing bases. We (yah, that includes me) are often told we are both mother and father.

It feels flattering at first. Except I'm not a father and I never will be. I no longer want to feel guilty for my kids not having the type of father they either used to, wish they had and deserve, not having a father who is around full-time, living in their home, honoring his wife, their mother. Then feeling guilty, over-indulging to try to make-up for what they are lacking.

The finished product.

No. I'm not going to play make-up-daddy anymore. I prefer to be the damn good mother I am and let my children's father answer for himself, or not. I refuse to try to be anything more than I am...

There it is. Maybe it's time for us to STOP being what we are not. Stop trying to fill in the gaps. There are always gaps. In the best of homes. Life is meant to have gaps. We can't shield our children from pain and suffering, ever. We can teach them how to handle it though. How to react to lack in their lives. Teach them the best way to respond to disappointments.

The only way I know how to do that is to point them to Christ. Recognize and acknowledge their pain instead of trying to discount or hide it. I want them to remember it, so they won't repeat it. We all know we often repeat the mistakes of our parents UNLESS we live an intentional life. I will teach them to live intentionally and take responsibility for their own choices.

I will remind my sons that they get a second chance at childhood when they have their own children. While their dad is not in their home, raising them, they CAN choose to be the dad that IS. I will remind my daughter...that there are no guarantees but she can live fearlessly when her hope is in Christ alone and love whole-heartedly.

I will relieve myself of that burden once and for all. I will not take credit for something I am not. I will take credit for all that I am doing well. If there is no one to give credit TO, then so be it.

I am a mother. I intend to continue to be a good one. I don't need the extra credit or thanks. I am doing what I am supposed to do.

So let the fathers have their day, good or bad. We all know who's who and what's what. I don't need to be what is lacking in my children's lives. I am going to play my role and quit picking up the slack for anyone else.

Baby Daddy Day

This is to all of those who don't have rave reviews for a dad to celebrate today. For those who have father gaps in their hearts. Maybe you feel your childhood could never be complete because of that significant but missing piece.

Maybe your the momma and your baby daddy didn't turn out to be what you expected for the father of your children.

This isn't about making trite excuses like: no one is perfect. Or saying something spiritual like; the only perfect father is God, though true-the *idea* of that truth, isn't what fills the gaps.

There's something else quite remarkable about childhoods and parenting. See, we actually get two chances at childhood, even if you dont become a parent. Love works this way.

Everything you feel your childhood missed and lacked, can be fulfilled by being there for and giving it to another child. You weren't shown affection? Lavish it on your own children. Your childhood lacked joy? Bring, create & share joy with your children.

Don't have children? Be the mentor you never had, to another youth. Was your childhood unkind? Be gracious to the kid having a melt down at the market.

Mommas, you don't have to be daddy. Just be the good enough mommy that exemplifies love and forgiveness. Let the baby daddies answer for themselves. Be the parent that practices gratitude and grace under pressure. Take care of yourself, so you can be there to care for your people.

When you give from your own lack...its an amazing miracle the way your giving comes back to you. That's how love works. Don't waste another moment lamenting what your childhood missed or what your children are missing. Embrace your second chance and be the one there!

ER Visit

This sweet lil' fella of mine had a very rough night last night. He woke up every hour between 1:00 am and 3:00 am shaking and somewhat incoherent and possibly hallucinating. He had a fever too. He would wake up and look at me and smile and then sort of gasp and jump and look in another direction and have a complete look of fear on his face.

Each time got worse and worse and he would cry out for his daddy. At one point he even told me there were 'monsters' and another time I asked: "Kurtis, can you see me?" He was looking right at me but he responded: "No, turn on the light." I had to try and sleep the rest of the night with the light on. It was scary for me to witness. The last time he woke up it was 3:33am and he vomited a little.

By morning I knew we would not be going to church--we were all exhausted. He was sleeping more soundly but the fever was getting worse. Eventually I woke him up and took him to the ER and upon arrival his temperature was 103!!! We didn't have to wait very long. This was the first time I've ever taken one of my children to the ER by myself--guess I'm an official grown-up now? lol

They examined him manually and didn't see any issues with ears or throat, no swollen glands. They gave him half of a very small pill for the vomiting--which I don't think was ever really an issue-and something for the fever.

He was very excited to drink a box of apple juice. When the nurse removed the trash he said, "I think she is going to get me more. I want more." He was so sweet--the nurse did bring a juice box 'to go' before we left. He certainly wasn't happy to be there. He cried when I put him on the bed and when they wanted to examine him and give him the tylenol. He kept asking me to hold him.

Look at those sweet eyelashes! It certainly wasn't how anyone expected Father's Day to go. The Mr. was at the beach w/ the middles. When I brought Kurtis home, he immediately went back to sleep for the rest of the day.

Later, when they beach-goers returned to change, he joined them and went to Nana's house. Later in the evening, I could tell his fever was returning.

We had to force him to take acetaminophen again. His fever had  climbed back up to 101.7.

Hopefully whatever this is clears up soon and/or resolves itself. I'm so tired. I also slept most of the afternoon.