What Do You Expect?

🕊 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 🕊 

What if you fail? What if you get fired? You have no idea what you are doing! Don't get your hopes up in case you mess this up. Imagine how it will feel to tell everyone you were fired after telling them you finally found a job!?! Don't even tell anyone you got a job...just in case!

Those were the desperately frantic and fearful thoughts running through my head immediately after I was offered and accepted a position at a school, for exactly the type of job I was looking for.

The anxiety began to reach a fevered pitch. As I have many times before, I wondered if I had been called to a life of suffering or struggle, therefore, told myself not to get to excited when good things happened. We know there were followers and lovers of Christ that suffered greatly. The disciples faced immense hardship and persecution. Perhaps that is my calling, my gift? When the struggle lingers, long suffering becomes an intimately familiar way of life.

STOP!!! I thought-yelled at myself.

The infamous Jeremiah 29:11 came to my mind as I attempted to talk myself down, speaking truth to my heart and soul (don't act like you never think-talk to yourself!). 

I have trained for this. I AM trained for this. This is exactly what I have been working toward and wanted. THIS has been the plan all along. Why wouldn't they want me? I AM qualified. God has not brought me this far to fail...or get fired.

What are your expectations? Are you living in the expectation of failure, or a life of suffering? God tells us He has good plans for us. Some versions use the word ‘thoughts’ - He has good thoughts toward us.

God gave me a very clear plan to follow. So why would He not bring it to fruition? He also promises in His Word that he will complete the works He starts in us. Does this not also include the paths He implores us to follow?

We can confidently trust that He keeps His Word. He has not set us up to fail or fall short. Learn and grow? Yes. He is not a game player or promise breaker. He declares His plans and thoughts for us are for good. Knowing this, choosing to believe it, means we can walk and act as people of value and worth, because our God sees us valuable enough that when He looks at us, He declares, 'That's MY girl!' and 'That's MY guy!'

I don't have to expect suffering. I can expect a good end for my effort. I can expect good things to come my way. Rewards for hard work. Why expect anything less from a good and loving God?

He has prepared you.
Go and succeed!

Courage, Dear Heart: Letters to a weary world: Book Review

I regret waiting so long to start reading it. Rebecca K. Reynolds honesty and grace is refreshing and affirming.

Life, even as a Christian, can be way harder than we could ever imagine, at times. Rebecca doesn't shy away from validating these hard truths.

This book really  ministered to my heart and I think it will minister to yours too.

The pictures say it all. Facing disappointment and heart break, can be faith altering. The reassurance in this book, of God's love, even through our own brokenness, is a balm for every hurting soul.

I Watched 13 Reasons Why with My teens and I think You Should Too

I know, I know, some of you may be cringing or judging me as a mother right now. First, yes, the series contains mature content and subject matter. It also contains foul language, acts of bullying, graphic depictions of violence, assault, and rape, sexual situations and partial nudity. This may be upsetting or trigger inducing to some viewers.

It also contains a VERY realistic story-line about a highschool student who commits suicide. Via cassette tape, she outlines a series of events that led her to that point in her life.

So why would I recommend this? Because these horrific situations happen everyday and they are not isolated events. It's very eye-opening, especially in a digital age, how a seemingly minor incident can be twisted, blown out of proportion and shared, in a matter of seconds. This is serious and life altering for a teenager.

I especially implore you to watch the interview at the end, even skip the series and go straight to the interview if you want. We need to talk about these topics with each other, with our children. Sure, maybe you think you can talk about it without watching it (we fast-fwd through objectionable scenes, truth be told). However, even the parents depicted in this series are clueless. Not by choice. Everyone is trying but at the same time, they are trapped within the same 'system'. Looking out for themselves, hoping they don't become targets.

It clearly and accurately depicts the depth of pain that can occur over something that appears so trivial on the surface. The nature of relationships, hierarchy of survival and dynamics within teen (and even young adult) culture.

What is the redeeming factor of watching a series like this? Awareness. Having the hard conversations with your kids. Changing our own patterns of behavior toward each other. Pursuing real relationship with others and potentially the teens within our community or sphere of influence.

I think I have a good relationship with my kids but there are still things I don't know. I don't spend the 4 hours at the skate park with my son. I don't sit in their writing class with them. I am not at the dance studio. And I am considered a very involved parent. There is autonomy so it is impossible to know everything in one's heart, even those closest to us. But we can try.

I pursue relationship with my kids. But we have to be honest. We have to be safe and approachable. We HAVE to look beyond the surface of our children's lives and watch for the nuances of communication and BE there. We have to listen, even if we're tired. There aren't always signs of trauma but we need to pay attention when our children are trying.

We need to teach them that we can be trusted. Even with the hard stuff. Even with their dumb, or worse, choices.

Yes, we need Jesus. Guess what? Depression, despair, bullying, assault, violence and rape...all exists even with Jesus. They exist within our churches. In our youth groups. In our sanctuaries.

Lets start talking about it!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

24 Hour – Local Referrals

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

1-888-628-9454 (En Espanol)

1-800-799-4TTY (4889)

VETERANS PRESS “1"

Teen Line

www.teenlineonline.org

800-TLC-TEEN (852-8336)

California Youth Crisis Line

www.youthcrisisline.org

1-800-843-5200

24 Hours Bilingual

If I Don't Reach the Promised Land, Beyond the Curse of the Desert Wilderness

We've all been there in the midst of a trial-that moment when we look back and long for the past. Just as the Israelites, in the middle of their own wandering, began to view their past of slavery and bondage, through the filter of rose colored lenses.

Maybe it wasn't so bad? At least it was familiar, predictable...safe.

We can read their story with the privilege of it's entirety. We know how it's going to end.

In our own lives though, we don't know the ending. And that scares us! We get uncomfortable. We do not like change. We want what WE want, how we want and when we want it. Of course.

We know how that ended with the Israelites--the generation of Moses never entered the Promised Land. What a punishment and what they are forever known for.

God is never that cruel though.  Perhaps, there was solace and even a redemptive quality to their lives that has been over looked?

The Israelites that didn't reach the Promised Land, are also the generation that led their families OUT of slavery! Into FREEDOM!

After generations of bondage, they were finally free. Their children were free, no longer subject to the whims of a master or genocidal pharaoh. Their grandchildren would grow up free.   This is significant.

Many of us face and endure the wilderness journey at times. The heat and barrenness of the desert, where refreshment and reprieve are only a mirage. Admittedly, I have been in that place for more than a few years now. I have been guilty of looking back at times, longing for the comfort of my own slavery and bondage.

Until God reminded me of what is ahead AND the importance of the present. Not only for me, but for generations to come. I have done this. I have led my children out of slavery. They will step into the Promise Land. They will have the strength to knock down walls and take back what is theirs.

They could not move into their own promise if we had not walked into the freedom of the desert. There is no going back. Regardless of the environment, our freedom can not be taken from us. Freedom from negative patterns of behavior that were being practiced and taught by example.

The Israelites stood in the gap between slavery and freedom. Someone had to. Someone had to take the first step and cross over. Someone had to make the choice and be brave, venturing out into the unknown, without a map! Their wilderness journey served a purpose whether they ever entered the Promise Land or not. 

Someone has to stand in the gap. I made that choice. If I never step into the Promise...It will have all been worth it to watch my children walk in the truth of freedom.

Be Brave.

The Valley of Death

Its spring break, turn around trip to Death Valley National Park on Monday-4+ hour drive one way. We had never been there, it's a drive through the desert. A local said the winds were blowing 70mph! We went to see the "super bloom" of wild flowers that only happens every 10 years. Abundant, blooming life in the wasteland!

A few times, on a long stretch of empty road, the blowing sand would bring visibility to ZERO!!! I'd never driven through conditions like that and felt scared as I decelerated to 3mph!

The Lord reminded me of Psalm 23. ...as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...He gave me this literal, physical experience and picture, as I prayed our way thru.

We were IN DEATH VALLEY! Going *through* it! We may not see what is ahead, we have to trust Him and walk in FAITH!!! He tells us to not be afraid...actually, if you read and repeat it, it's a declaration: I will not be afraid! Because He is with me!

Be strong and courageous. Do not give in to the fear of the unknown! Keep moving forward. The dry, barren valley of death doesn't go on forever.

Our actual view, zero visibility, along our drive. 

Spiritual Paralysis

How many times, as Christians, do we sit around and do NOTHING in the name of "wanting God's perfect will?" You get an idea or you have a calling, you wait for it, but when the opportunity finally presents itself, you decide to backup...and say, 'I'll pray about it.'

You weren't praying about it already? I call BS! It's fear, plain and simple. Based on whatever your perception of God is. If you view Him as a condemning God waiting to punish you, you are afraid to 'get in trouble.' If you view Him as loving and quick to forgive, you most likely aren't afraid to take risks and make mistakes.

There is no fear in love.

But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Fear has to do with punishment...You are NOT going to 'get in trouble' if you make a mistake. God will tell you which way to go, it's called correction. If you are going the wrong way & lost, don't you want someone to give you the correct directions?

Are you a perfectionist, afraid of doing it wrong? Why? You don't have to *earn* God's love! Let it go! His love is free not earned.

As Christians, we've got to get off our @$$es and DO something already. Whatever that is that you've been called to do.

The wilderness of the Israelites wasn't a 40 year punishment, it was preparation. Not being allowed to enter the promise land? That was a consequence of fear and doubt-not trusting God, turning to idols for salvation. The wilderness experience was all about learning to trust God in freedom as much as trusting God in captivity.

We are given promptings from the Lord, then we turn around and say, "I just want to do God's will." Or "I don't want to do the wrong thing." Well, doing NOTHING is the WRONG thing!

Apply for the job! Start the business! Write the book!! It's not that complicated people. If it's not His will, guess what? You WON'T get struck by lightning for it. He'll simply tell you, go the other way. The verse in Isaiah assures us, He will tell us which way to, AS we're walking. He can't very well tell you to turn right or left if your still sitting on the couch! 

What are you waiting for?

More to Life

This verse is often referred to as an exhortation against worry *because* of God's providential nature. It's true one aspect of His divine identity is of being a provider.

This verse hit me differently this morn, the second part, which is often over looked. At the end of the day, or more importantly, life, what you eat and what you wear, will not matter! Nothing you have or own will matter. My grandma and mother's lives, have been reduced to a small box of sentimental items. No one cares or remembers how fashionable or stylish they were or weren't. No one cares what they cooked. 

Having just gone through a major life move-being present here-looking at all I owned...very little of my belongings mattered enough to want to pack and take with me. Very little was important enough to be worth the effort. 

There is ‪freedom when we embrace what we know matters and let go of all else. We hold on to the ‪love a person had or didn't have, for us. What we really hoard are the feelings, good or bad, produced within us when we remember someone. We must ask ourselves every moment, with every interaction, what we truly want to leave behind, and act accordingly. 

That is the *more* to life, I see in this verse.

We Need The Son

This lovely succulent arrangement was accidentally left covered. The plants are strong and drought tolerant, meaning they don't need much water. However, you see what happened when they didn't have sun. 

You may be strong, sturdy, not easily worn down...but if you don't have the SON, shining down on you, it won't matter. No one can live in darkness...and survive. 

What *Just* a Mom Can Do...

Big box filling with socks for children, women and men fleeing from Syria.

I read about the reports of the toddler arriving on a Grecian shore, drowned at sea, fleeing his country. I am aware of the skepticism about his refugee status. Regardless, there ARE refugees fleeing their war torn countries. I was also heart broken and moved by the world-wide refugee crisis.

There are times God calls us to pray. There are times we are moved to add a physical means of manifestation to our prayers.

This was one of those times.

I am one person. Just a mom, as I have often been referenced. How can I possibly affect the world in any way? One of 7 billion people on this planet.

Maybe I can't but I certainly won't stop trying.

I knew I couldn't do it alone. I called on help from my community. Maybe others would want to help but didn't know how or maybe, no one had asked.

How I got this box holding 609 pairs of socks and 40 mylar thermal emergency blankets, to close.

A list of needs was publicized. I couldn't provide or meet every need...but maybe one?

So I asked. I asked for sock donations. I offered to mail all donations to a reputable address that would get the socks to the refugees landing on their shores. However little or lot we collected would be mailed out.

Six days later I sat on the largest box I had, trying to get it to close.

I employed my family's help. I think community service type of projects and volunteerism is a vital part of life as a Christian. I intentionally find ways for my children to serve, mostly together as a family. I honestly think they are so used to it, that they don't even see it as volunteerism or community service anyway. It's just what we do.

Off to the post office.
Teen boys are great at heavy lifting!
42+ lbs box of socks.

I don't believe anyone is too young to serve. The ktbunch helped shop and collect donations, count socks, pack, wrap and mail out the box...Kurtis helped move the box along the long line at the post office.

I've never organized anything like this before. I suppose this is called a grass roots effort? I don't know. What I do know is that 609 pairs of socks, 40 mylar emergency blankets and $150+ for shipping, was collected and donated from my local community in one week.

Maybe it doesn't seem like much. Nobody knows our names, We're not famous or rich. We're not on the billionaire list of charity givers.
I am one person with a few kids.

One mom.
One Christian.

One woman.

Filling one need.

Kurtis helps at the post office by sliding the box along, while we are in line.

I had an idea and I asked others if they wanted to help.

Now, 609 people on a shore I will probably never set foot on in my lifetime, who left a horrendous situation, risking everything seeking asylum and peace, will have a new pair of socks...at least.

A bunch of moms, youth leaders, students, kids, came together and provided for six hundred and nine other human beings they will never meet.

It's socks. I know.

Just socks.

I'm just a mom.

My son is just another teen lifting a heavy box.

It's amazing what you can just do, if you just try.

Imagine how much can be accomplished if another person, one single person, chose to ask others to fill a different need, from their community.

Imagine if one community got together to fill another need.

It starts with one.

One for all.

What About Our Young Women?

Look...there's lots of talk about the breakdown of youth being brought up in and remaining within 'the church', talk and stats of fatherless young men growing up in our communities, the flight risk of teens...

All this talk...are we over looking what the world vs the church is showing and offering or not offering our *young women*? The world fights for equality, empowerment and a strong female voice. Are we modeling that for our young women, within and from the church?

We can TALK all we want but if we're not WALKING it-we've lost already. How many camps, conferences or youth events can I allow  my daughter, one of my most prized gifts, to attend, where all she sees and hears are men speaking AT her!?! 

And NO, I am not satisfied with the ONE token young woman being thrown 'up there' to share a 'brief testimony' so we can tell ourselves we 'support female leadership'. Our girls and young women need SUBSTANCE and mature female voices being recognized, empowered and heard from within!

As a Jesus loving & following mother, I most certainly can {and will} continue to influence *from home*... But don't act surprised when young women {and/or their mothers} decide there's no place, purpose, or need for them *at church*.

Propel Womens Conference

Filled to capacity...3000 women.

I was blessed to be invited to this conference, last minute by my sweet friend, Jen. I had no idea what it would be like...and I was giving up a Friday Hike Day for it! I went with expectation...to hear a personal Word from the Lord. He did not disappoint. 

So grateful for this thoughtful friend.

It's a little scary, to tell the truth, being at an event with 2998 other women I don't know. I figured there were women in attendance that I actually did know and I was right...confirmed thanks to my instagram feed. haha.
Seriously though. SO easy to get caught up in all the female insecurities when I begin to focus on the falsity of comparison. All these other women, stylish, beautiful, fashionable, taller, thinner, trendier, happier...the list goes on. It's overwhelming. Easy to give into it and shrink back into myself-which is exactly the opposite of what was being shared from the stage. Thank goodness!

It's amazing how one bad report can keep an entire generation from their destiny. ~ Christine Caine

 Instead, there were life giving and affirming messages of hope and leadership. Christine Caine started it out and whoa--I was full and ready to go home after hearing her. She is funny and honest and inspniring, to put it mildly.
What I got most from her, the theme of the entire conference, was that we are ALL called to leadership. This sounds controversial, within the church when it comes to females--but the truth each speaker conveyed, was if you are e believer in Jesus Christ, you are called to lead people to Christ...from wherever you are!
I think we can all agree with that.
She was so humble about it though, actually being the one ON the stage, speaking to us. She admitted the only difference between her and us, was that she may have gotten more support. True. 

Her advice for that was to PRAY! Pray for favor. Pray for change within churches so that all women will be empowered to operate in her individual giftings and talents. 

When we learn how to feast, we will stop faking... ~ Beth Moore

 The messages were all so validating. It's not that one type of leadership is better than another. A woman on the stage or behind the pulpit is not more important or more of a leader than the traditional stay at home mom or a woman in the market place. We are all called to live like Christ and share our faith, wherever Christ has called us to serve. one is not above or below, better or worse than the other.

I believe THAT is the message of empowerment for women within the church and in community. The answer to women having sincere relationships is support not competition and condemnation. Instead, supporting each other where we are. No need to feel condemned or ashamed or put down because we are on different paths or in different places in life, ministry and marketplace.
WoW!

If older people stop dreaming, they will never inspire vision in younger people. ~Brian Houston 

 Brian Houston is Christine Caine's pastor. It is refreshing to see a male leader be so supportive of females. I will admit I tend to be biased and skeptical given my background and experience with male dominated leadership. I felt extremely frustrated and even hopeless for real change at times. 

THis conference though, was positive. I want to remember to focus on that. We can all continue to pursue Christ and pray for those who may block our pursuits of God's will for our lives. 

We must remember we can not change anyone or anything on our own, only God can.

...women being in leadership is not a right but a DUTY. ~ Dr. Haylee Gray Scott

We have a duty to those that come after us, to continue to pursue God's will for our lives, regardless of challenges or obstacles we face. The messages were validating for where I am right.now. It's ok to be who you are, right where you are. It's also time to move forward and let of the negative and hurtful events, situations, lies and oppression of the past. It no longer has a hold on us. Great reminder not to go back there. Embrace who GOD says you are and keep pursuing that!

I left feeling amazing. I felt so affirmed. There was a personal prophetic word given as well. I knew it was coming. I knew what it would be and be about as soon as Christine Caine began to share that she had a word. I closed my eyes and raised my hand as instructed, as uncontrollable tears ran down my cheeks. Again, God speaking to and IN to my heart, in the deepest places and deepest desires to remind me that HE is in control. I am not forgotten and neither are the desires of my heart. He knows all. He is here, always.
Hallelujah!

If there is a Propel Women's Conference coming to your area--PLEASE ATTEND!!! 

What if Proverbs 31 Wasn't Written for Women?

Proverbs 31 has come to be known as a standard for Christian women to live by...or up to. Books, devotions, and blogs have been written about it, with just as many agendas.

Its upheld as the one chapter of the Bible, as thee chapter, on instructing women how to be Godly women.

Funny, considering the book is written as a representation of verbal instruction a mother is giving her son. 

What if we started reading Prov 31 as if males were the intended audience?


With that thought, Prov 31 reads as a book with instructions for every member of the family...not just women...and it reminds others of the *value* & *equality* of women...

The opening credits have most commentators speculating in agreement that it is a written representation of an oral instruction to King Solomon, from his mother, Bathsheba. WHY are we then using it to instruct women? Why did Bathsheba give her son these instructions, that seem to highlight all the capabilities of a female of their time?

During Old Testament times, women were regarded as nothing more than a piece of property to be bought, sometimes sold and with out many, if any, rights of individual personhood. Yet, here is Bathsheba, extolling the virtues of a cunning, intelligent woman who has many gifts, talents and abilities, a shrewd business woman, whom she describes as honorable and noble (vs 10). The woman described in Proverbs 31, actually sounds like a very independent female. She can handle her business, provide for her family and afford servants (vs 15), she produces a profit (vs 18) from her work. Her children and husband call HER blessed (vs 28). She is compassionate and shares what she has with the poor (vs 20). She is a realtor and property owner (vs 16), seamstress (vs 22, 24), teacher (vs 26), and more. Does this sound like a chapter describing a piece of property? 

Perhaps, Bathsheba was giving her son a call to action. Challenging him to recognize the true Godly value of females, as God created them to be...not as objects to be demeaned, bought, sold, used and abused, but as intelligent, capable, independent human beings who should be held in as much high esteem as the males around them.

Maybe Bathsheba was going against the current belief system of female inferiority and bringing to her son, a profound thought process to counter act the false beliefs that had been created by men, not God. A voice of reason, alone and still to this day, often over looked.

Many will say, Proverbs 31 was written as a guide on what to look for in a woman, potential bride and mother of a man's future children. Ok, then why is the woman described, already running a household, with children and a husband (vs.11, 23, 28)?

The woman in Proverbs 31 is NOT known by what her husband does. She is never addressed as *so and so's wife*...her husband is addressed as HER husband (vs 11, 23, 28). 

The last verse calls the reader to honor her for what she has done. It does not state to respect her for the achievements of her father or husband. It is a call to praise her for her own achievements and accomplishments. Which means she is perfectly capable of accomplishing them (vs 31) and worth being recognized for them. She does not live in the shadow of anyone.

I challenge, that Proverbs 31 was NOT written as instructions for women to strive to achieve or look like...but as a reminder to MEN, of how God created women. Not as inferior pieces of property. This is the inspired Holy Word of God, isn't it? The reader (men of the day, right?) is reminded how fleeting the outward appearance of a female is...That is definitely advice every young man needs, in order to not make life long relational choices based on looks (vs 30).

I want to know WHY then, are we teaching (brow beating?) Proverbs 31 to women as a standard of femininity? Why aren't we using Proverbs 31 to instruct MEN, how women should be viewed, and not only viewed, but what females ARE capable of? Why aren't we using Proverbs 31 as a warning and admonishment against the oppression of women everywhere? Why don't we quit using it to guide women and start reframing it as an example to men (and women) of how women SHOULD BE viewed, treated, respected, honored and praised.

I'd like to see a Proverbs 31 sermon and theme used for the next men's event.

Proverbs 31 is leveling the playing field and everyone has been ignoring the game!

I Think My Angel Has Tattoos?

I was already 2 hours behind schedule, I thought I had gotten lost twice, I passed the visitor station so my sister-in-love had to go back down a ways to get an Adventure Pass (parking)...to top it off...before she returned and before we even began our Friday Hike Day--I LOCKED MY KEYS IN MY CAR!!!

I could not believe it. Well, isn't that everyone's response when that happens? There they sat, taunting me from the front passenger seat. Ugh. No cell service, nearly two hours from home...Every door locked and window shut.

I lay my forehead against the dirty window and prayed. With all faith, knowing there was no other solution--I KNEW God would make a way. I KNEW He would help me. Somehow, someway...because there was NO other way.

A few rangers pulled into the parking lot and parked, but none approached us. We were obviously distressed. Other cars rolled in, stared but no offers of help or check ins to see if we were ok.

My sister-in-love took apart her car sun shade and pulled out the springy wire. Middle son pulled a strip of twine out from being caught in the door and a bobbi pin. We were ready to MacGyver this!

We got the wire in the window but it was too springy to grasp the lock. I kept praying, knowing the solution would come.

Another car pulled in and a woman got out and hollered over at us, "Need some help?"

"Yah, do you have a Slim Jim?" I asked.

A guy pops his head out from the back seat, "No, but we have better tools than you."

He was right.

He spent the next hour twisting and bending a dip stick he had in his car, to make it possible to grasp the car door lock and pull it up to unlock.

Each time that wire touched the lock, I said another prayer, knowing it would grasp it. When it finally did, a huge, "THANK YOU!" escaped my lips.

I gave this shady looking guy, with the dollar sign tattoo on his hand, who I am sure I never would have spoken to in real life, the biggest hug!

"YOU were the answer to the my prayers today!" I told him.

He was so nice and not once did he even display any impatience at the situation. He was only there because his friend had forgotten his sunglasses the day before...they returned to see if they could find them.

You bet it was a divine appointment!

I was most amazed at the faith and peace I felt within me the entire time. No fear, just peace, in knowing for sure God was going to rescue me and work this situation out.

I have to ask myself WHY I don't have such faith in other areas of my life?

Especially the situations, like this one, that have NO foreseeable solution.

I don't know the answer to that myself.

I feel challenged.

Lord, increase my faith.

Hello July

A month of tipping the scales...in your favor. 

Breakthrough and restoration continue. 

Look for it. 

Do not fear.

Hello February

The growth of winter you can't see, is happening under the surface.
Not all is dead. Spring is coming.
You can count on it.
Keep loving.
Love all but love *most*---> those in need.

heart emoticon

Another New Normal

Trusting in this, in Him, tonight. I feel disheveled. Wanting to regain my balance. My mind feels...flighty.

Realized more was stolen (in the break-in) ...but most of all, my peace. Giving myself grace to accept feeling off-kilter for awhile-accepting this vulnerability & lack of comfort that follows-as 'perfectly normal'. Surrendering *to* instead of striving *against*. There are too many what-ifs that I can not control, to waste any more energy pondering...or fearing.
Tomorrow will be better.

Unsettled

Day two of a very restless night of tossing & turning...break-in related? Maybe. I hoped the hike yesterday would have been more mentally & emotionally healing. I *feel* ok but...wake up exhausted.

Idk how one is supposed to feel, knowing an anonymous stranger was in your bedroom, rifling through your dresser drawers, touching your most intimate articles of clothing.
I plan to get rid of & replace every piece...but haven't been able to even go near the dresser yet. Maybe I will feel better once I do? Maybe it will restore balance to the force? ;-) Call me a wimp or over dramatic...but I think anyone who's been through something like this understands the feeling of vulnerability & violation.

Looking fwd to getting out of here for my regular Tues walk this afternoon.

We Were Robbed

Spent the last hour 'putting the pieces together' & realizing my home was broken into today. It looks like only the laptops were stolen, along with a backpack to carry them in.

PTL it wasn't worse...it could have been much worse. Its just inconvenient.

The Burdens We Carry

What if the baggage, burdens & concerns of life we carried around, were as obvious as this man's? 

Some of us are good at hiding but what if we couldn't? What if our burdens were in plain sight for all to see, and judge and examine closely?

For some, it is obvious. Our brokenness, our failure, our blatant sin. Does it make us any less or more righteous depending on how obvious we are about it?

 Psalm 68:19 NIV Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. 

Exercises in Forgiveness

Soul Work is hard work. It requires going deep inside and bringing the wounds to the outside. As I work more on myself, I become more capable of leading my children along this path of healing with me.

After an unexpected incident, which led to more opportunities for healing and growth, I knew we needed to seal our hearts a little tighter. The wounds needed mending. It was also a good way to release the wounds of and say goodbye to, August and hello to September, a new month, a fresh start.

One exercise I have developed and found helpful in aiding the work of forgiveness involves actual fire.

I had my children join me in an exercise I have done myself. We make a list, two actually. One side is all the offenses, hurts, and wounds we can think of, remember, or the Lord reveals, that have been perpetrated against us. It doesn't matter if they are real or only perceived. Whatever it is, it gets written down.

The other side is creating a list of offenses, hurts, wounds, we have perpetrated against others. We take these lists and bring them before the fire. We say a pray confessing these wounds and declaring FORGIVENESS of every offense. We physically tear the paper to bits and pieces and we throw it into the fire. We set our hearts free from resentment, bitterness and or unforgiveness.

We do the same for ourselves, we repent and receive forgiveness as our 'sins' are torn to shreds and burned in the fire. We verbally speak aloud, forgiveness, release from repayment or obligation, repentance and freedom.

At the end, we make declaration of life and blessings on our offenders and over ourselves as we watch the evidence of our wounds disintegrate into ash. It is a raw reminder of God's promises of restoration to us:

Isaiah 61:3 To appoint them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. 

Beauty comes from the ashes. God created man from the dust, the dirt, perhaps even the ashes of the earth. He created something remarkable and breathed His life and image into him...into us.

My children will walk in freedom. They are free to love, to forgive, to laugh and be themselves. They are free to know their value and worth in Christ...enough that they will not harbor bitterness nor tolerate the weakness of another mistreating them.

It's a symbolic gesture. A gesture of our commitment to healing and freedom.
Always moving forward.