Sunday, December 21, 2008

When kids RUIN something valuable.

Doing well to hold back the tears right now but I feel a bit enraged inside.
It was an accident.

I should not have left it on the counter, so close to the edge even.
I had cleared my tea set off of the hutch so they could set up our winter village as part of the Christmas decor.

I washed everything fresh & set it all away in the cupboard.
Except that.

She spilled her orange juice all over the floor & about had a melt down.
I told her calmly it was ok, stop crying, just clean it up.
NBD, right?

I expected her to get a towel.
Instead she went to the kitchen to get a *paper* towel.
I think paper towels are a waste of $$$$ & never buy them but someone had given us a roll.
They've come in handy...until today.

I hear a crash, something breaks, OH! NO! & she's sobbing.

I expected to see a glass salad bowl or something.
If she's not crying from being hurt---ok, then stop crying.
But it wasn't a plain glass salad bowl.

It was my teapot.
My favorite.
The most cutest teapot.
My Mary Englebreit teapot...that has a matching teacup & saucer.
The one from my birthday (29th?) I was pg w/ Sam I think....My mom had arranged for *everyone* in the family to chip in & they each got me a ME teacup & saucer set.
I think actually she had DH purchase the teapot....but I always felt the *set* was really from her.

My mind is telling me it's *just* ceramic.
My mind tells me it is no one's fault...unless it's mine for leaving it there.
There was no more room in the cupboard for it.

I pick up the large pieces & toss them in the trash.
Hoping the sound of the crashing pieces will compliment the mixed emotions I'm holding in.
I tell oldest to sweep up all the rest.

Where can I go?
What can I do?

DH is in the bedroom watching football.
I suddenly feel very annoyed that he does not even come out to check on what is going on.
He must've heard the crash.
The loud sobbing?

Want to blame someone.
Want to be mad.

I go to the restroom to cry it out.
Except the restroom STINKS!
I'm certainly not going to hide out in here then!
I can't even have a comforting cry?
I can't hold back the tears streaming down my face.

I want to rinse my face w/ cool fresh water, but I wore make-up today.
I don't want to mess up what's left of it.

What's a mom to do?
Once again...suck it up.

Write it out.

So the process continues....let it go...letting it *all* go..........

I refuse to believe that teapot is some how metaphorically symbolic of my life.

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