Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I feel SO blessed.

When things are going *well*.

But what about if things are not? Am I not blessed when they are not?

I was visiting w/ a friend recently & sharing how I feel *so* special, like *extra* special because I feel *so* blessed...then I wake up today to realize some things that I thought are really not.

$$$ is still an issue & reality when your DH is unemployed. It's bad enough we cannot fulfill our debts & financial obligations @ this time, but then to realize that some things I thought we could pay, we are unable. It's disappointing.

Did God let me down?
Was I wrong in saying He was providing for my needs?
Did *I* do something wrong?
Was I frivolous or did I mismanage?


The reality is I'm still in the storm, the eye of it. But God has not left my side, nor does it mean I am no longer blessed.

I merely need to look around me & see the abundance within my life, even during time of need.
Stick to the truth, ignore the lies of the enemy.

I have plenty of food & a nice roof over my head. I don't mean that as : @ least I have those things, I mean it sincerely.

We live in a pretty nice house considering the economy & the rent is ridiculously cheap for what we have & our area.

My DH is unemployed & yet most would *never* know it if I did not tell them. I don't have to walk around looking sorrowful & sad. I can walk w/ my head held high, a spring in my step & joy in my heart. How can I rejoice in my humility?

Isn't that what we are supposed to do? Rejoice through all times? Count it all joy when you encounter trials & tribulations?
Am I supposed to *look poor*?
Am I to feel bad or guilty cause I know I am blessed?
Not any more than those w/ well paying jobs & secure incomes who are also striving to follow the Lord's leading in their lives & are also blessed.

I am humbled. Who am I that the Lord would see to bless *me*?
Do I deserve to be blessed any more or less then the next?

I think the *real* question is: What do I do w/ this?
What *can* I do w/ this?

For example, I do not really have to worry about my food budget right now.
I don't have any extra cash but I do have cupboards over-flowing w/ food. So I find ways to minister & contribute food items. It's what I have...I could prolly do more.

I sometimes think because my DH is unemployed my family & I must *appear* down & out. Do I really need to have my children wear shoes w/ holes? Or clothes w/ holes?

Is that the God I serve?
There may be times when he calls a person or family to specifically do just that...but when I look to His word, I see the verses about how He clothes the lilies of the fields, & commands to specifically NOT worry about what we will eat & what we will wear, because He cares & He will provide.

Also, because when we realize what is truly important, our relationship w/ Him, those things do not matter. I am learning each & every day, to pray for each & every thing I consider a need.

It is amazing what has been happening within my life in that regard.

Even something as simple as my challenging maternity wardrobe. I could make due w/ what I have...a couple pairs of maternity pants & shirts. It might get boring after awhile but it's comfortable & good enough. I did not whine, I did not complain (ok I might have whined once to DH but he was teasing me about wearing a 'good year' shirt! lol). Then what happens? A friend, w/o knowing my frustration, brings me a BOX of maternity wear. I'm talking NICE stuff. I have more pairs of maternity pants then I even know what to do w/.

My youngest son was feeling like he needed new shoes. Offering to save his *own* money for them, even. I told him he didn't need to do that...but to pray & ask God first. Next thing I know, his nana is commenting that he needs shoes & gave him $$$$ specifically for that, & for his siblings as well.

One of our cars just broke down, quite unexpectedly. I'm learning though. I didn't have that familiar sinking feeling of despair. I just thought, bummer, I'll pray about that & petition God about it & we'll see what happens. PTL we still have another car that God just provided much needed new brakes for & handled the registration for us too.

Sometimes God uses others to provide for these needs. A few times it has literally been a check in the mail, NOT from private donors either. Totally unexpected windfalls.

Like the Manna I wrote about before....God provides just enough for our immediate need. I keep thinking I need to *save*, jic. Just in case what? My desire to *save* is really, for me, a lack of trust. Like the Israelites....but God has not told me to save & there has been NO opportunity. No doubt there is a time & place for that & to be financially prudent.

But for this time in my life, it's been about trusting God fully and literally day to day.

And *that* has made all the difference.

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