Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Just SPIN!

I've been losing my mojo. I do have a tendency toward depression & it's been taking all the energy & self-will I have NOT to give into it, lately. I hardly recognize the person, woman I am lately. Disconnected, emotional, a sissy? Maybe. lol I'm making up for lost time--all those years I spent as a 'robot' I guess.

Anyway. Monday we needed to be out & about early--to take oldest to a meeting at work. It was only supposed to be an hour, not worth coming home for the 20 minute drive it takes to get there. I knew there was a little park nearby that I wanted to check out.

No time to make a 'good-mommy-breakfast'--see the pressure we put on ourselves? Thank God they're fed at this point! ;-) So I spent a few extra bucks & paid someone else to make them a breakfast burrito. Hey, eggs are healthy-and I'm supporting the economy. It's a great little burger joint that makes 'real food'. Hash browns, bacon, and eggs wrapped in a tortilla is pretty delish.

It's one of those great parks that's separated into 3 age appropriate groupings of play equipment; has climbing walls, ropes, balance and spinning 'things'. You know, urban, with recycled rubber tires under the swings.

The park is tiny but gated, attracting lots of mommies and nannies. A few too many in such a small space. Must be popular. Many of the mommies, either dressed in work-out wear or casual clothing and jewelry, knew each other. The nannies paid very close attention to their charges.

Kurtis loved it. he could climb, swing, hang, and balance to his heart's content. The park in our neighborhood is very similar, but more spacious. It has many of the same type of play equipment.

However, there is one piece of equipment that is really my favorite. It's this *thing* that spins. You stand on it, in it? Somehow, your body makes it spin. At the park by our house, I can never get it to work. Which is strange. It will spin, if I'm lucky, a couple turns and then stop and it always makes me feel nauseous!

Normally, when we are at our own neighborhood park, I'm visiting (& praying) with another mom friend. This time though, since I was alone, I dutifully followed the ktbunch around and tried to be a little more involved. My daughter told me I just *had* to try the spinning thing, assuring me it worked good.

Kurtis decided he wanted to try it with me. He FLEW off a minute after this picture was taken, with only one turn.

He said he didn't like it and didn't want to get back on after that. It sure was funny though.

Birdy was right--this spinning thing can FLY! You get on and you can't get off cause it won't stop spinning.

Sam is pretty cool but not too cool to spin.

Think I won't?

I am SO NOT that cool!

I don't think I'm even wearing make-up! Gasp!!

This thing is OUT.of.CONTROL!

AND it didn't even make me feel queasy at all. I think I almost flew off at one point.

You can stand around and watch life go by. You can be sad. Life can fall apart around you. But hey--if it's gonna fall apart anyway...why not laugh it all to pieces?

For a moment, a blissful, happy moment, I was myself again. I was Katy. I was a free little girl-that I don't think I ever was. I was *that mom* that I recognized. The one that laughs and still likes to go on the swings and jump off. The one that isn't holed up in her room, hiding so her kids don't see her crying, again.

And I think, maybe...that's what you, I, just gotta do sometimes. Just SPIN. The tears will be waiting, if you want to face them again, later. So will the laundry and the dishes and the eggs. Buy the burritos. Go to the park. Pretend if you must. Pretend everything is OK. While you're pretending, you just might realize, that everything really IS ok. Or at least it's going to be. You are going to be ok.

SPIN. The next time someone asks you how you are, you can answer sincerely, with a big smile, that you're "great!" Cause you are. If you're not sure, go to the park, swing as high as you can and jump off.

Or just go on that spinning *thing*, hold on for dear life, lean your head back and let yourself get dizzy as the clouds swirl above you. 

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