It is totally ok to feel like giving up, it is ok to admit and feel the pain--the truth is nothing can stop it. Only GOD can heal it. Running away won't heal it, a lover won't make it go away, drugs, alcohol, debasing or degrading yourself won't make it better. It will only mask it, like a temporary band-aid. No matter how you feel--the pain IS REAL! Yes it is. We all know it. But the moment passes.
Be honest...have you felt the pain you feel for 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week with out a break? I bet you haven't. I bet it hits mainly when you are alone, random moments in your car, when you hear a certain song & especially at night when you are finally alone w/ your thoughts, right? God tells us to take every thought captive. (...and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)
You can be honest w/ God--he's a big guy he can handle anything you throw at him. Jesus sat in the garden, pleading w/ God for another way out (
His friends deserted him, denied him, betrayed him...He DIED, a horrible, painful death. And God's will was accomplished--in 3 days he rose again. He arose to new life so that we all could arise to new life.
He makes beauty from ashes. (and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:3 NIV) You have a choice...you can give up because you have free will. Christ could have walked away too. But He didn't. God is not calling you to death. He is calling you to TRUST. Choose that trust and HE will make it possible for you. He will heal you. He will fill your heart w/ forgiveness, with love, with endurance.
The pain is temporary...life is a momentary vapor (whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. James 4:14 NKJV)....make it count.