Friday, January 6, 2006

Dear God....

We need to have a little chat.

Ok, you know how stressed out I get about finances. I know you know. And the fact that YOU know...well it make me wonder WHY I keep getting stressed, or rather why there are continuous situations that cause me stress.

For example, my H pay plan. I know I married a (as Debi Pearl would call him) 'Mr. Visionary' a 'T'. And I love that man. But I never realized how important regularly scheduled income would be. I had NO idea.

It doesn't seem to stop regular bills though. I know that you promised to meet all of our needs & I KNOW you have heard me cry out to you many a time. But is it too much to ask/request that you fill me in on your plans once in awhile?

For example, YESTERDAY. It was payday....again.

I was EXTREMELY stressed out for some MYSTERIOUS reason. (hint, hint) And I was SURE that H pay check would just NOT be enough for the regualr bills. I was just so sure & worried & had visions of us NOT being able to pay the rent this month.

I tried not to let it get to me. I did not get upset...but I was trying to put on a calm outside although my insides were literally full of knots. Seriously, I couldn't even eat...but I made up for that later. ;)

As I was thinking about one of my New Years "Resolutions", if you want to call it that, of truly giving our budget over to YOU....I was also trying to 'make a plan', a 'financial plan', to avoid these VERY uncomfortable feelings in the future. IS that wrong?

I mean is it wrong for me to 'make the plan' if I already gave it to you? See...that's where *I* think it would be an EXCELLENT idea for you to fill me in on YOUR plan.....kwim?

So I was really quite surprised when I actually SAW H paycheck when we finally got it. It appears to be MORE than enough. ( I mean than regularly scheduled) I was truly SHOCKED. I certainly don't deserve such grace. I know that. & I know that YOU know that & you know that I know that.

And me knowing ahead of time, I guess really couldn't make much of a difference now would it? BUT it could possibly relieve some of my anxiety you know.

I don't you & H have a conspiracy going or something? Because HE never seems to be worried about the bills much less much of anything else for that matter. Are you gaining up on me?

I do have to add that I was quite BLESSED to see that ALL of H hard work last month REALLY paid off. It would have been so disappointing if he would have put in all those late & long hours for a 'lower than enough' check.

I know, I know, your timing is perfect & your provision sufficient...but I'm only asking for a clue, you know, a hint maybe.

Well, yes, you have ALWAYS provided in the past & I have NO reason to worry, since we've never been homeless in the past--but we've been close-but your right, 'close' is NOT homeless. And I know that I am the first to acknowledge that YOU have ALWAYS been faithful & generous. No I can't argue w/ that. I know you love me & I appreciate your sense of humor about all of this, really. Oh sure, it's very funny I bet, to see me squirm, when really I should know by now that I have no reason too.

Yes, & I do understnad what a waste of time it is to fret when I have so much proof that there is NO need too.

Ok, Ok, I get the point. Please don't take this to mean that I am not greatful, because I am. You know that right? Yah, of course you do.

Well, in case I didn't tell you already, thank you. I really mean that. :o)

1 comment:

  1. Gosh can I relate to this entire post. I have been there - shoot, I am there. But God really does have it all under control, doesn't He? I mean - if we'd just chill out and let Him, He'd bring us thru it - probably a lot sooner if we'd just stop trying to help Him!


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