Sunday, August 27, 2006

I can't think straight

My mom is 50 yo. I am 33.

Today the doctor said he believes she has pancreatic cancer & has 6-12 mos to live.
My dad is a wreck...they've been together since highschool---she IS everything to him.
I can't think straight.
Everyday they do ONE test! She's been in the hospital since 2:30 am Thursday morning w/ severe abdominal pain.
Scope down her throat today....revealed a 'blockage' from the pancreas to the liver?
Surgeon, tonight saw her & is concerned about a fever she has that has gotten worse, if it does not improve, wants to remove her gall bladder.
My whole family is in SHOCK. My grandma just died in June, she was 91.
Mom is still in continuous pain but they give her morphine shots....
I can't think straight. I want to vomit.
I just can't believe this---but it is what it is.
I just want her to come home so we can just LIVE whatever time is left....
Tomorrow is a liver biopsy & a week from Thursday is a pancreas biopsy. If they do the gall bladder surgery---then they will know everything instantly....@ least that is what the doctor said a few days ago....
It is what it is.
She acts like nothing when we are around...but thank goodness a friend was able to visit w/ her tonight & my mom shared more heartfelt, she is confused, say the least.

I want to go to disneyland. We have passes. I want to go everyday.

My entire body hurts. Everything.

I can't think straight.
I can't think.
I can't.

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