Sunday, August 27, 2006

Last night....

I dreamt of funerals....of people I did not know but my mom was there w/ me, she kept introducing me to people I did not know: This is my daughter.

I stayed up as late as possible last night so I could finally sleep. It was around 1:30 am when I went to bed. I immediately woke up & I think it was 7:30 am....numbers filled my head. Statistics, survival rates, life expectancies, swirling & not stopping. I tried to lay there, hoping I would, could, go back to sleep.....the numbers kept swirling.

I took a shower. I finally decided to ride my bike, maybe that would clear my head, calm my brain.

My bike kinda had a flat I came back & got some change for air...I got to the gas station, it's 75 cents now...last time I ever put air it was a quarter. I had 2. I rode my bike to one main street & back around anyway.

Tomorrow I will put air.

My dad called while I was starting to get everyone ready to go....he could barely talk.
I took a bunch of deep breathes. Doctor says 6 to 12 months to live.

I said ok, I know. Go wash your face, take a deep breath & go w/ mom. I will call my brother & my aunt. (mom's sister)

Then we left.

Who's life am I living?

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