The Magic is wearing off....

Dh day off---we always ask each other what we want to do. He played tennis first thing & then he was going to give the ktbunch lessons. I told him I wanted to go to Disneyland & escape all my problems. He said sure & the littles didn't hesitate to agree...so off we went.

It was a little bit crowded but things were going well. We took the ktbunch on the Haunted Mansion first thing cause it is redecorated in the Nightmare Before Christmas theme so it is not spooky @ all & we knew the littles would like it.

We headed on over to a show...& afterwards I got a call. I missed it & when I checked my messages there were two. One from SIL & one from my dad saying that he was taking my mom to the ER.

I got a flashback & remembered a trip to Disneyland I had totally forgotten...it was back in May, my parents were on vacation. My grandma was still alive & my mom got a call from the care center or grandma's doctor or something. I was so afraid they were going to call & let us know that grandma had died while we were @ Disneyland!

I got that same feeling, except now it is me & my mom. Having quite a few of those deja vu moments lately.

Apparently she was having trouble breathing, chest pain & abdominal pain, enough that she agreed to go to the hospital for it. Usually she resists as long as possible.

I didn't know what to do. DH was coming back w/ some food for us & asked me what I wanted to do...in that moment, in the middle of Disneyland, I really didn't know. Part of me just wanted to stay there.

I told him, I don't know. He said, ok we're going to the hospital. The littles were quite disappointed but we promised them we'd come back tomorrow first thing in the morning. It was such a long walk out, even though I was rushing. I could barely contain my tears. There's no crying @ Disneyland!

It is my escape & my real life is closing in on me. I don't like it.

My SIL was waiting outside for me as we pulled up so I knew it was serious. The nurse/receptionists didn't want to let us in, only 2 visitors per patient. Whatever. Once we got in there they sent a security guard to ask some of us to leave. I started crying & couldn't talk so I just ignored the guy. My brother just said, we are not leaving. Someone must've told them what was going on because after that they didn't hesitate to let any & everyone who was w/us, in. And believe me, there were plenty of visitors for mom! lol

She was very nonresponsive. The ER doc took my dad out, I sent my brother to listen, he didn't say much except recommending making her comfortable. Trying to say when do you stop trying to fight the cancer & focus on making her comfortable? He seemed to think it was pretty serious. He easily & readily gave her pain medication, as much as she wanted/needed.

She could not communicate clearly how much pain she was in, if any, but she did request more pain medicine. So they gave it to her. The nurse was nice. @ one point the ER doctor said the 'mass' was the size of a volleyball. My dad was shocked to hear it & didn't believe it. Said that doctor doesn't know what he is talking about, that the 'mass' was only half an inch. I reminded him, it was half an inch 6-7 weeks ago!

They admitted her & by the end of the evening, she appeared to be back to her same 'out of it' self. I was very nervous about her condition while she was in the ER. I don't understand why this happened today or so suddenly. Things are pretty much the same now except she is back on IV antibiotics & I don' t know how long she will be in the hospital.

When she was in the ER room, I noticed a small drop of a blood stain on the floor. I wondered if it was from her or a previous patient.