Tuesday, October 17, 2006

There will be no more chemotherapy.

She had a good blood transfusion today, uneventful, 2 units. The doctor finally came in while I was there, the oncologist. He said the cancer is very advanced, has progressed quickly. I asked, so there will be no more chemotherapy & he said yes.

My dad asked how long, he always wants to know 'how long?'. He said; maybe days, maybe weeks but he does not think months.

I am planning on getting up @ the crack of dawn tomorrow, rolling out of bed & getting to the hospital as early as I can to be sure & be able to talk to her regular doctor. He usually comes around 7:30am. My goal/focus is to get her home ASAP. I see no reason for her to remain in the hospital. They are/were giving her antibiotics but what is the point? They CAN do it from home if it is so important. The oncologist said we can start making arrangements w/ hospice care now.

She was a tad bit less yellow than yesterday, maybe...she had turned terribly jaundiced. You could really tell in her eyes. She has been quite panicky the past few days....maybe she just 'knew'. Because she would cry & say she was scared & that she was scared she was going to die today. She does not want to. She wanted to know if it was 'ok' that she did NOT want to 'go'. She would say things are not good, I am dying. Maybe somehow, the body or the mind just 'knows'.

Of course we reassured her it was ok. I kept telling her she was NOT going to die today, especially not when she can get up & walk to the restroom on her own. lol And she didn't {die}. But I cannot be so sure the next few days. I don't know.

We are scheduled to take a hot air balloon ride on Sunday morning. We will be going regardless. I hope the weather does not deter us this time.

I think I will start sewing now...Liberty's funeral dress. I bought the fabric last night. I wanted to be sure & have it when I needed it. Sometimes they run out of fabric you know. It is exactly like the fabric I used for her dress for my grandma's funeral, except the butterflies are shades of blue on a black background. For my grandma they were purple & orange on a black background.


  1. I pray that as she goes through this valley, that she senses the SHEPHERD with her to comfort her. My heart is heavy for you as I know this has been a very trying year. May He continue to reveal Himself to you and your family in this process.


  2. Oh kt, I am praying for you that God's peace surrounds you and your family during this time.


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