Monday, January 5, 2009

Where is this coming from?

I am not by nature, optimistic.
Seriously...or have you noticed? lol

But for some reason, during what could be considered an extremely difficult season in my life...I pretty much have nothing but hope. I do feel discouraged still, but now it's so fleeting.

I keep wondering...what the? Where am I & what have you done w/ me?

I'm not complaining...just saying. Maybe it's all the positive pg hormones? Nah! I've been depressed & pg before. I believe it's God's amazing grace manifesting itself within my soul.

Plus the fact that I am {*finally*?} learning how faithful God truly is. I always felt He was faithful to *others*. He blessed *others*. But just not me...He had some other less then sparkly plans for me...nothing out of the ordinary, just average....basically, always felt & believed I was on my own.

I'm not special, not in any extraordinary sense. I'm not a super-woman, super-mom or super-anything. Except by the grace of God & His choice to die *for* me personally. And yet here I am...feeling like one of the *most* blessed women I've ever known. lol

IN amazing ways & in ordinary ways...Everyday I see God blessing me. I am so undeserving yet He remains. A word of encouragement here, a shared vision there, tingles up my spine to see the radiant smile of someone I've just prayed for. Healing, provision, surprises, laughter, peace.

More than anything & the main difference, is the HOPE! The hope I have for a bright future. A wonderful year. & believe me, I am not in a place where I can see this in the physical realm. I can not see anything to lead me to believe that this year is going to be any better, more productive or fruitful then last year. Except for the Hope God has supernaturally put within me.

And it's not even like the hope I used to feel...that says: well, I hope, maybe, if God wants, if I'm lucky, things will improve if I do X,Y,Z. NO!

It's an assured Hope. I *know* things are going to go well. Maybe I have lowered my standards & expectations---which still, if I have, then it's only because God has aligned them more w/ His priorities.

It's a confidence that I *know* God will provide all my needs. He cares about me & all the fine details.

I really can't believe how excited I am for this year. Why?

I just know w/ all my heart that this year is going to bring some amazing experiences & testimony of God's power & might. How? I don't know. When other's ask me how I'm doing...for the first time, if ever in my life, I can honestly, sincerely answer: I am going GREAT! :-)

I don't know...maybe there's just been an invasion of the Body Snatchers? Or I've finally turned into a Stepford Wife?

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