Tuesday, February 24, 2009


This past week I've been on an amazing & not very enjoyable emotional roller coast...You'd think I'd be used to it by now? maybe? kinda? sort-of?

I've been very disappointed in people. I was so upset by things I was finding out & inexplicable behavior I thought I was going to go into labor. I'm not even kidding OR being melodramatic.

You think you can depend on people & there are people you *should* be able to depend on....
I also found out some shocking {extended} family secrets that completely threw me for a loop. It's taken me a few days to process everything, one right after the other, in maddening fashion.

It hurts too, ya know?

But the bottom line is grace & forgiveness.
People are real, people are human, they have emotions, temptations, we make mistakes & sometimes it's disappointing & maybe we think our secrets will never be found out but eventually....it all comes to the surface.

I even questioned WHY God would have me find out these secrets? For what purpose? I mean really? What is the point? My friend pointed out that there should not be secrets....things need to come out in the open...I guess???

It's a lot to deal w/ as an adult, really. ...much less that little girl inside. ya know? I wonder how much more of these types of things I can really *take* as a human being. How much more dishonesty will I have to face in my life?

I'm not even sure how I feel about everything or what to think about the situation but I know it comes down to *love*. As God loves, not as I can or can't or don't want to *love* but as God loves, unconditionally. Loving people AS they ARE.

It's over-whelming, really. Over the past day or so, I've just wanted to *cry* to relieve the stress if nothing more.

I wonder if my life will ever *not* be disappointing? I know I have so much to be grateful & thankful for & I am. I question how much disappointment a heart can take. I know there are plenty of people worse off than me, too. I am not living their life though, I am living mine. & my life does NOT suck, let me make that clear.

But it sure has been so disappointing lately. No, I take that back, my life is not disappointing, it's really just circumstances surrounding it, that are part of me? Or I am part of it? OR whatever. It's affected me anyway.

Again, another truth: God is *faithful*, never changes, will never let us down. We can rely on Him when all around us is spinning out of control in every direction.


I'm off to, hopefully, a good nights sleep.

1 comment:

  1. ((((((hugs))))))


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