Tuesday, September 1, 2009

it was a long week

Later that day, of my previous post, my FIL was taken off life support. He was surrounded by his 3 daughters, his son, his wife, mother, son in law & myself as he took his last breath and his heart stopped beating. My chest felt physically painful through it. I'm not sure why but it hurt a lot, right in my heart.


It took a few more hours after that, before they removed his body.

The next day was my husband's birthday. It was not an easy day. It was filled w/ an extreme range of emotions.

The next week was a whirlwind of activity, funeral home appointments and arrangements, beginning of school for my ktbunch, sewing funeral dresses for my daughter and niece, phone calls, random meals, skipped meals, incoming family, late nights barely filled with rest and sleep.

The funeral was this past Saturday. My Birdy sobbed, uncontrollably from the moment it started, until near the end when I finally took her outside. Sammyboy cried stoically, giant crocodile tears silently sliding down his face. We were in the middle of a triple digit heat wave.

We stayed with my mother in law until all the sod was replaced. It's fitting that the dirt replacement machine is so obnoxiously and disturbingly loud. It is not a peaceful job by any means. I think death is disturbing. Even when expected, it is shocking. It's not anything anyone really 'wants'. That machine is loud, it pounds the ground over and over to press the dirt over the vault that holds the coffin. Then they roll out the sod and it presses that too. Then they put a large piece of plywood over that and press again. It's not pressing as much as it really is pounding.

Like a heart, pounding so hard. Pounding to stay alive. You can't help but flinch with the idea that this is so opposite of 'resting in peace'....and somehow so appropriate.

My husband made a wonderful slide show that was shown at the funeral. I kick myself that I didn't take more pictures these last few weeks. I don't know why! I think there may be only ONE picture of baby K with his 'tata'. :( It is very sad to realize he will never know his tata or Grandma Gale or Grandma Curtis.

Lil E was a pall bearer. My family all looked so nice and handsome. The boys all wore suits. The Birdy and I wore dresses. I was told how well my children behaved through the viewing and the funeral. That was nice to hear.

Now, we search to find our 'new normal'....again.

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you all. :) ((HUGS))


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