Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I forgot to mention...

I {fiiiiiinalyyyyy} finished and submitted my application to return to school.  University, here I come. I hope.  Only took me 1.5 months of procrastinating to accomplish it.  It's out of my hands now. 

When I actually finished the online app--I was suddenly gripped with fear.  What if this is a mistake?  What if I really don't have time?  What if it's the wrong major? what if, what if, what if?  I felt SO nervous I could not hit that submit button.  I went to bed instead--to sleep on it. 

I was up early the next morning.  I immediately got online and clicked submit before I had time to talk myself out of it.  It was rather anti-climactic, actually.  I didn't feel any different really.  Maybe I will next Fall.....

I keep asking myself: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

I don't pretend to buy into a 'having it all' mentality. I don't believe it's possible.  So how will I do this? I'm not sure myself.  Maybe it will only be 2 classes at a time?  I do know it won't be without God. I know I felt confident in the plan He gave me so I am sticking to it.  Yes, I agree, it sounds crazy.

I have to keep reminding myself that my life has changed.  I have changed--I think.  It's not a bad life and it's not bad to change.  I don't know how exactly I'll get to the end of the big picture, the final destination, which is a clear vision God has given me.  I'll leave those fine details to Him.

I will continue to strive towards it, since He has shown me the big least for now.  I can't be afraid of making a mistake.  Fear is immobilizing.  I can get so afraid of making the wrong choice that I make no choice.  Not moving is not an option.  You have to move in this life.  Hopefully forward.  If you end up moving back a few paces, that is ok too.

No fear!

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