Close to hitting bottom...

Last night our car was impounded. (which is a nicer way of saying repossessed, it is what it is) Besides humiliating, it is quite a freaky feeling. One minute we are relaxing at home, DH was eating some ice cream then *suddenly* he realized our car was not out front. Freeeeeaky!

They had a right to take it, of course. No denying that. I just can't believe it has come to that. My emotional response felt very PTSD-ish! My chest got tight, hard to breathe, shock, numbness & finally tears from deep within myself that I could not control or stop. Eventually, I even cried myself to sleep later too.

It's not about the car--it's a hunk of junk, that we will try to get back, somehow. It's the fact that it came to this. DH actually did 2 great jobs (commercials) last month but for some reason (unusual) he has not been paid on them yet. (that's a whole other blog) I kept hoping (& praying) he would get paid in time to catch the van up to date...but it hasn't happened yet.

I can live with out a car. That's no big deal. The good thing is, the life that we lead, we often *choose* to walk to run errands. We live within walking distance of most places we go to like the park and library, post office and grocery store, even our church. My children will not notice much of a difference really.

It will be a bit inconvenient when DH has his shows or auditions. Most of our extended families have extra cars (1 to 1 ratio) to help us when needed...so far. Hopefully it will not last too long.

Really though, it's just so NOT about that. It's so embarrassing and humiliating. Having to explain...kwim? Being how old and experiencing this? I am too old for this. Shouldn't we have established careers by now?

It's not even that this happened....it's everything that led up to this happening that really haunts me. Unresolved issues. Open wounds that run deep...

I even tried not to, but I just *can't* seem to shake still having *hope*.
;-)

I figure we'll have quite a rags to riches story.....someday.