Yes, I have an 18 year old!

I'm not old enough to have forgotten his birth, or the many times I imagined this day. It doesn't feel any different, and I suppose for him, it doesn't either. But it *is* different. It's 18.  It's not 5, 9, 12 or 14, it's eighteen!

It was about 157,788 hours ago that my life changed so dramatically. His impending birth surrounded by so much unknown risk and uncertainty...ranging from risk of death to under-developed lungs to nothing...The memory I have of his birth, the image in my mind, is a literal blur...the high blood pressure affected my vision so that I could not see clearly. But there were so many more moments afterward that I sat and stared at him, not wanting to miss a memory or ever forget the sweet tiny babe that came out of my body!

I could never forget how tiny he was. I was only a year older than he is now, when he was born. I spent months imagining what he would look like, and after he was born, many moments imagining what his personality would be like...then all these years, watching it unfold.  Watching him unfold.

 

I remember how long the hours lasted when he was a colicky newborn.  Thrust into the world too early, but obviously, right on time...Those hours that seem to never end and yet here we are... 157,788 hours later.

I was determined he would not be shy, like I was as a young child. (severely so!) I taught him how to make a conversation.  I did not allow him to say he was shy, I corrected him if he did. I did not allow him to *believe* it to be so.  If we went to the park, I always asked him afterward, what friends he made. 

How do you measure 18 years, really? In birthday parties? In report cards? Broken bones? (there've been none--there was a fracture once) pairs of SHOES!?! How about inches? He started out as 19! lol

It's not like my role of his parent, his mother, ends now. Of course not. I know I have made parenting mistakes too. I am not one of those who holds onto that though.  I figure, mistakes are expected. Also, by the time he realizes most of them, he'll be paying for his own therapist, right? haha!

What a journey, a joy and an adventure to watch a human grow from birth to "adulthood", so up close and personal. Seriously. I can honestly say, it's been pretty freakin' FUN! Camping trips, zoos, thousands of Legos, learning to ride a bike, drive a car, scooters with light up wheels, training wheels, climbing trees to impress a girl, praying for a baby brother, laughter and tears, drive-in movies, road trips, bowling, karaoke, paper--reams & reams of paper we have gone through, filled w/ artistic expressions, school books, learning to read, algebra, science fairs, rockets, fires!, friends, pizza, burgers, tooth-in-soda-experiments!, volcanos, fixing washers, making movies, a puppy for Christmas.....a million moments

a million memories

a million breathes

and how many hairs on his head? 

Only God knows. 

Truly, God has them counted, his steps numbered, thoughts for him that out number the grains of sand on the beach. 

As a very young boy, I've prayed for him, his future, his friends and future relationships but I could never have imagined the moments, not one of them, that God laid out for him, and still lie ahead.

And yet...I try.

I tear up and I smile, over the past, for the future.

Excited for what's to come...for me as a mother, maybe someday a grandmother.

Excited for him, a young man, filled with his own dreams of life and a confidence that he can and will accomplish all that God has in line for him.

Who can ask for more?

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Eph 3:20-21

1st week of school

Wow! I can't believe I have completed a full week of school!  It has been exhilarating.  The campus was potentially overwhelming because it was so big but I was fine.  The professors were/are fabulous over all.  They seem to really care about the students and are passionate about their subjects.

My Ethinic Lit professor, upon first impression, seems a bit eccentric possibly but I'm not sure. She comes to class wearing a safari hat.  Really. She is French, I think.  She studied in Paris, has a french accent and speaks French.  That makes it a bit challenging to understand her sometimes but I can mostly. On the first day she got into this conversation, right in the middle of class, with another student, who is a French Lit major, in French! swoon!

Another professor talks really fast and is kind of funny like that...She doesn't keep office hours in her office, she said because the weather is always so great and everyone wants to be outside so she holds office hours outside. Fabulous!

My Middle East professor, also has an accent.  I couldn't place it exactly.  Turns out she is from Belgium but her mother is danish.  She's also a recruiter for the government and intelligence.  Who knew geography could lead to such fascinating job opportunities!?! ;-) I'm actually considering adding a geography major....inspiring!

My last professor...I like hi the least.  No reason really.  Well, I think it's simply his long "pirate" hair.  It's long and curly-frizzy and he holds it back, not with a rubber band but with a jaw clip.  Plus the fact that he prides himself on having a *challenging* class. I'm not sure if I think his class is boring or not yet, either. It definitely has potential so the verdict is still out on this one.

I really enjoy discussing the readings, not being lectured AT so much. The Middle Eastern class seems to involve a short film at least once a week, according to the syllabus. The first one we watched today was interesting.

All the classes are going to require numerous papers...besides my trepidation at being able to keep up with the coursework, simply due to my life and time constraints, I am very excited to be there.  I am so grateful for this opportunity.  I am also fascinated to see the other students and hear more about them and their personal passions.  Even the challenges that each course may offer me--I am up for it.  Ready to simply embrace the process and *learn*.  That IS what I am there for.  I want to improve on some of the skills I believe I already have.  The way to do that is to step up to challenge right?

SEE me!

I had my middles do a collage exercise.  I wasn't sure if they would understand the concept but again, guilty of underestimating them.  The idea is to create a collage in a designated, short amount of time, that represents you.  Or represents how you see yourself anyway.

It was so neat and surprising to see what they came up with.  They gave me a lot of insight into their hearts and minds.  It was interesting to really take a look at how they view themselves.  Some of their choices were surprisingly deep and others were predictably funny...and really honest.

 The 10 year old

5th Grade

The 8 year old

3rd grade

Make do OR do with out Challenge

There's more to this old saying but this sums it up pretty well.  I am on a quest to rid myself of excess stuff!  Also to break my lust for things and more stuff.  I don't think of myself as materialistic or addicted to consumerism....I've justified myself by simply saying I like nice things.  Sure, who doesn't?  Right? 

But I realized, it was right there in front of me...all along.  The longing for more, for something different, something nicer, something newer.  I am surrounded by more things than I can handle but yet...the longing  lust is there, deep inside.   I want to break the habits of my *heart*.  The habits that don't necessarily show themselves on the outside but I know they're there. I want to be able to use what I have and to have less.  I want to be a good steward of what I already have.

With all that in mind I am challenging myself to Make Do or Do With Out!  This is going to require more thought and planning.  

For example, the weather has been cold and my youngest needs a jacket.  I could spend $$$ and buy him a brand new one.  I mean he does need it, as in he does not currently own one.  I could go a bit cheaper and purchase one from the thrift store which would make sense since he will outgrow it by next season anyway. Or I could spend NO $$$ and create one with resources I already have here at home and skills I have learned.

Of course it would be faster to just run to the store and buy him one, that is why I need to plan.  I have all the materials on hand plus I can be creative.  It won't cost me any $$$ but it will cost me time and energy.  My budget is pretty non-existent right now--meaning I am just plain flat broke! It will be a bonus to not spend $$$ and at some point, when I do have $$$, it will be nice to get in the habit of saving it!

I plan to see just how far I can take this. I can only think of ONE project on my 'list' for this year that I want to accomplish that I don't have supplies for..but we'll see what happens when I actually get to it.

I plan to post the projects that I accomplish mainly on my Kraft blog but I'll post some updates here as well.

Who's with me!?!

Take the Make Do or Do With Out Challenge!

Fearless Parenting

This idea of parenting with out fear has been ruminating (I think that's my second use of the word 'ruminate' this week...) in my mind for awhile now. Probably more so since my oldest is nearing his 18th birthday and graduating high school this semester.

My mother was a teen age mom.  She would have been the first graduate of the teen mother program at the high school she attended but I was born in April and  dramatically slowed down her progress. She did graduate eventually. I can look back now and realize many of the things she said to me (on a regular basis) were provoked by fear. The way she parented me, was not a style of encouragement and freedom, although I am sure that is what she wanted for me.  It was oppressive and smothering.

I can clearly see now that one, if not thee, greatest fear she had, was of me ending up pregnant like her. Many times she would angrily tell me how I would end up pregnant! So many times my inner reaction was one of knowing, no matter what I did, it would not be good enough, because I wasn't doing anything wrong to begin with but here she was so angry and so sure I was!  How could I ever 'win'?  It didn't take long before my new inner attitude was one of preparing to get out of there as fast as I could.....IF I ever could.  After years of this, her words became somewhat of a self fulfilling prophecy.  I wasn't a teen mom but I did fall fast and hard for one of the first guys to show some committed interest in me and we were soon engaged, pregnant then married.....at 19 years old.

And now here I sit with one on the brink of adulthood.  Of course, there are choices I've made in my life that I don't want him to make. But I don't feel that fear is a good method for parenting.  I knew there were certain aspects of my own childhood I did not want to repeat for my own children.  Certain aspects of my own mother's parenting I did not want to copy.

So how to communicate the things I wanted for my son (& other children) with out letting my words be ruled by *fear*? It is more than simply NOT making accusatory judgments like my own mother. I had to completely turn around my way of thinking and that resulted in turning around my words.  For some parents, I realize, this was a no brainer, but not having an example to work from I was on my own here....somewhat.

First tool was TONS of prayer.  Since my children were born, I've prayed over them and their future. Last few years I've also asked specifically for wisdom, guidance and insight on how to most effectively communicate with them, not just AT them.  I'm pretty good at communicating AT them all by myself. ;-)

Instead of speaking out all the negative things or bad choices he may or may not make in his life, I realized a better way.  To speak out all the positive things I wanted for him.  Highlight the positive characteristics he possessed, encourage talents God had given him.  Remind him, God gave him these talents to use, to glorify Him. 

Really, it's been about reminding him who he is *meant* to be.  Reminding him of his identity in Christ.  Responsibility  comes with this, naturally.  He is an example, I remind him.  Others are watching him.  God has a plan for his life. He is destined for greatness.  He is to be a man who protects.  

more thoughts on this later...