Sunday, March 20, 2011

time for mourning & grief

Last week, I found out a dear friend was in the hospital, fighting for his life.  It was heart-breaking to see him weak & gaunt, tubes everywhere.  He was normally a loud, obnoxious, robust, honest & loveable guy.  I struggled inwardly over certain choices vs priorities & what was really important in this life after seeing him.

We all joined together praying for him.  He knows & has impacted LOTS of people & was receiving prayer support around the globe. He began to show improvements. But then began to decline....

We received the news this morning that he had died. "What a bummer!" really does not begin to sum it up. I didn't know what to do w/ myself.  My other experiences with death have only been with family--therefore I could stay busy w/ plans, & sew mainly, making Birdy a funeral dress. (3 different times) Now.....what?

My first thought was maybe I could make his wife a blanket. How lame am I?  I did not go to my friend because I felt she would have a lot of support already & might possibly just need some time to BE.....without the pressure of feeling like she had to 'entertain' those who meant to care for her. I want to go over tomorrow & maybe take a meal.....

I am extremely upset over this.  Disappointed, sad, grievous, and reminded....Reminded how important it is to NOT allow myself to fall into my bubble.  Important to foster those relationships that I really truly care about--before it's too late.  And maybe invest in some new ones. I can't stop tearing up every time I think of my friend John.  I can't imagine NOT seeing him ever again. Imagine how much more important it is with those who are even closer to us, our immediate families?

It has been pouring rain all day, super windy--like a real storm. haha!  It does seem quite fitting though--as if the earth is crying over it's loss of another good soul. I know we do not mourn as those with out hope...but we do mourn. We grieve. I do believe I will see my friend again, yes. But until that time--I miss him.  I grieve for his family.

My closest relationships have not been the best but STILL--I can't imagine NOT having my family around.  I can't imagine losing my husband. With all these thoughts in mind--I take away from this--the importance of intentional relating.  Being intentional w/ my relationships--NOT taking them for granted.  Time will not be mocked, nor will it be taken for granted.

Romans12:15  Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

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