There are times in life and especially marriage, when you feel at a loss. The situation may feel hopeless and your heart is unsettled and heavy. It happens.
When I have been in really challenging marital (and non-marital) situations & feel torn over WHAT exactly I should do...the first thing I do is STAY QUIET. Ok--maybe it's not always the *first* thing...but I'm learning.
Seriously though, I take it straight to God. I DO believe God will give you the answer...for some it may be an ultimatum. If you believe your spouse or the person involved would/will respond to that--then by all means, play that card. BUT YOU have to be absolutely sure YOU will follow-through on that *ultimatum*.
If you do not feel led or up to following through with that....there is NO SHAME in that choice either. Only you know your own limits here.
However, there is also a STRONG defense you have, & that is PRAYER. Situations always look hopeless to the naked eye. Here on Earth solutions are often hard to come by. BUT in the spiritual realm...there is more power. God is faithful to hear your petitions & answer your prayers.
There is a prayer guide for wives to pray for husbands & children. I *strongly* suggest you start that now, if you haven't already.
When things take a turn toward the extremely serious, especially in marriage, MOST of all I would pray DILIGENTLY for the person's TRUE salvation. That covers the root of it all, wouldn't it? I'd also include conviction in there. Beseech God for ALL that you want your marriage to be: passionate, peaceful, faithful--whatever it is you desire in your heart.
ALSO, I would inquire to God about WHAT He wants YOU to learn from this. What is He teaching YOU through this situation? For me, in my life, the challenge has been to truly & deeply look @ God's/Christ definition of LOVE. How can *I* LOVE my husband better? HOW can I show him CHRIST'S UNCONDITIONAL love. (I have realized I am *very* conditional)
I had to face my own fears that certain unbecoming behaviors stirred up within me & take them to God. If my husband was not there for me the way I desired--I KNEW God was. If a husband disappoints--God never does. If a husband abandons--God never will.
I am not just telling you what to do--I am speaking from my own experience. I know what it is to feel unloved, to feel neglected and abandoned. I understand the despair of a broken heart when life takes unexpected turns and one is completely blind sided. I have been there....and taken my own advice.
And I have lived to tell about it...
YOU dear wife, are a cherished & beloved daughter of the King. He does not take lightly to his daughters being mistreated...HE will have your back. HE will exact judgement if needed. You need not.
You have more influence as a wife than an ex-wife. YOU protect your children. They need not be aware of marital issues. Pray diligently for protection of their childhood. Speak to them the words of God that define who they are: men of integrity, protectors of women & children, providers for the needy, daughters of the King, all beautiful within etc.
Also, for your own heart, DIG DEEP into God's word about your own identity. DEEP sister. Walk in your royal birthright. Not to be lorded over others, but walk in righteousness & dignity, be above reproach. Walk confidently & securely in the knowledge that God LOVES you & is near to you. You have access to all he has for you...give freely the fruits of the spirit. Walk in peace & AUTHORITY that you have been chosen to be the wife to your husband & mother to your children. NO ONE can pray for your family like YOU are called to.
I love Jer 29:11....but I *especially* love the verses after...yes, God has a plan for you, not to hurt you or harm you, to give you a future & a hope....BUT WHY? SO that you will CALL OUT TO HIM & KNOW that HE is GOD!
Jer 29:12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Jer 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
For practicality purposes....I would try to speak your husbands love language...whatever that may be. Invite him to run errands w/ you , to watch a movie w/ you, sit by him on the couch...if that is beyond what you feel you are able...ask God to help you love your husband beyond what you are able. Ask God to GIVE you that love for him. He is a broken man, filled w/ mistaken identity, forgetting his true purpose & life God intended for him: (as we all have been) to be a man of high honor & dignity. Remind him....
When you are feeling extra down & discouraged....THINK, as hard as you have to, of ALL the good aspects of your husband. Is he affectionate toward your children? Does he work hard to pay the rent? Is he generous? Whatever it is, make a list, let it grow, indefinitely & refer to it OFTEN!