We were almost there when I noticed the Mr. in the exit lane earlier than the directions I had, said to exit. I got in the other lane and remained on the freeway since the Mr. was obviously about to go the wrong way. He did not follow me. My directions turned out to be wrong and my frustration began to rise quickly.
I finally contacted him w/ my phone and was quite irritated at the entire situation. I was upset because he had not communicated with me what he was doing. I thought I knew 'the plan' we had agreed to. He thought the plan was simple enough; I would follow him. What else was there to explain? This doesn't work well for a girl who lives for 'information'.
I replayed this situation in my head over & over & over ad nauseum. For me, I realized, it was very hard to 'follow' when I didn't 'trust'. I think this is important in a marital relationship but I'm not sure if it is a requirement for 'following'...
Here we were, the other day--similar but different situation. Again, going to another unfamiliar-to-me location, in separate cars. Having had a couple weeks of analyzing the previous situation, I was determined to 'do it right' this time.
"I will follow you," I emphasized and assured the Mr.
He gave me the directions anyway and let me know I could always call him if necessary. (in other words-in case I got lost) He was making an attempt to communicate with me better and recognize my need for information. I thought this was nice, at first.
Now, I'm thinking, he may not have trusted me to follow, even though I gave my word, because I gave my word last time, remember? Maybe, the Mr. had a need I had not recognized...
Everything was going great...until, once again, the Mr. deviated from the plan, as I understood it. He had only told me of one freeway and then the exit. We were now on another freeway, headed toward a toll road I certainly didn't have any money for.
Wow! I don't know why I was so surprised how strong my urge was to stop following. I was certain, once again, he was going the wrong way. But I wanted to follow...and I wanted to trust.
I kept following, hoping...and praying he was right. I wanted him to be right.
The exit we wanted, was right before the toll road. We made it.
I released a deep sigh of relief...and I hope, at least, a small victory.
So many times, I've stepped out in faith, to follow God. Then I find myself beginning to feel anxious because I'm not sure of the route He's taking me on. Or it doesn't appear to follow the plan, as I understood it. Everything in me wants to scream, "You're not going the right way!"
I'll feel like I hit a breaking point as I settle into that I-can't-take-it-any-more collapse of defeat, when suddenly the plan, or part of it, is revealed.
"Great. Thanks God for understanding. Now let's get this show on the road. I'm right behind you." I'm thinking He understands me and knows how much better I feel when I have the directions or the plan.
Maybe though, He was only revealing the plan...because He didn't trust me to follow...
Maybe...I need to trust that the destination will be worth it, whether I know the way to get there...or not.