Friday, April 5, 2013

Happy Birthday Baby!

This little fella is 4 years old today. I still cant believe what a HUGE blessing he has been to my
life...especially during this past year of...challenge.

I just had a knowing, a sense. I woke up early and took a pregnancy test. I cried and prayed for an hour straight, alone, before I told anyone. The Mr. was in the shower when I burst into the restroom and threw back the shower curtain.

"Are you in it for the long haul?"
"I mean it. I will not put our kids through this ever again. If you aren't in it for the long haul you tell me. You tell me right now! You make your choice and you leave now or you stay."
"What  are you talking about?" he asked with the tooth brush hanging out of his foamy mouth.
I burst into tears, "I'm pregnant!"
The Mr. broke into the largest smile and laughed, "You're crazy. I love you!" He gave me a wet hug.

I wasn't sure but I couldn't get his spontaneous and reassuring smile out of my mind. I was worried. I was afraid. The Mr. and I were still on shaky ground, being back together for less than a year. The timing couldn't have been worse or better.

Our children sealed the deal when we broke the news to them. They were thrilled, literally jumping and dancing with excitement and joy. All our friends received the news as something to celebrate, finally.

I prayed over this child, in my womb, consistently. His existence was such a gift and a blessing. A testament to God's redemptive grace in our lives. Everyone who ever saw and met him, even as a newborn, commented about him.

We once met a woman in Target who must've talked to us for at least 20-30 minutes about how wonderful having a child is. "When I looked over and saw my son, no matter what was happening, I knew everything was going to be ok," she said. How could I have known how prophetic those words would be?

Oldest was on his way back from out of town the day Kurtis was born and this year he's out of the country. Yes, it's strange to have a 20 year old and a 4 year old, at the same time.

One time Kurtis was literally jumping off the walls...he was bouncing on the couch, to the floor, off the back of the couch, repeat, repeat, repeat.

"Mom! WHAT did you pray over this kid?" Oldest asked.
"Well, there was this book, about joy..." I replied.
"THAT explains it!" he said.

It's true. He was just sort of born with an ON button...and no off button. He's not even still when he sleeps. I am so grateful we have a trampoline! This past year has been really, really hard...but what that woman at Target said has been true. I look at this little boy, his bright eyes, his constant smile, his sass and spunk...and I just know in my heart that everything is going to be ok.

He has been such a balm to my hurting soul. I love each of my children dearly. I grieve for what grieves them and the personal pain they are enduring. It's a comfort though, to have a little one that was spared at least a little of the knowing or understanding of this grief, because of his age.

I am excited to watch what else the future holds for this little fella.

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