Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Tuesday on Set

Yesterday was crazy on set...today was more low key though there were more people here...that I know personally too. Yesterday there were homeless people--I mean actual homeless people to play homeless people in a church/mission scene.

One was a transvestite and he exposed his breast to me and threw off his wig in a fit...it was interesting to me that I could immediately tell he was reacting to an incident, internalizing and taking the situation completely personal when it was completely NOT personal--not about him at all.

I could see that he had been hurt in life...before he confirmed it I knew; prostitution, drug use...a very abused and hurt individual...a life led by addictions, alcohol, lack of identity, exploitation and self abuse...very sad. So what to do?

I believe a few years ago..or maybe just any other day I would have just stayed there to myself with my friend, conversing and ignored him completely. But for some reason, I did not feel socially afraid of him in any way and did not feel like I wanted or needed to ignore him.

So since he was still getting upset...I turned to him and simply acknowledged his pain. Then I bent down a bit to look in his eyes and put my hand on his big gnarly man hand with the long red painted fingernails and began to speak to him.

"It sounds like you have been very hurt. You are right, you are here for a purpose and God does love you." I continued, "Whatever happened inside there, is between those people and God. They are going to answer for that.  But we, are going to just let it go and forgive...and be free," I took a deep breathe, indicating and encouraging that he do the same.

I spoke softly, encouraging him to quiet down and knowing he was hungry continued, "You're going to get some food, let's just quiet down and everything is going to be ok. We are going to be free and forgive. Just take a deep breath and simply let go, release and forgive."

He did calm down...he was pretty teary eyed by then. "Thank You," he said.

I feel like the instinct is to think I did something great for this man--went out of my comfortable bubble and 'oh look at me a member of the great white hope, reaching out!' But really--*I* certainly don't think that at all. I don't feel special and I don't even think *I* did anything special at all. My eyes were opened to recognize a hurting individual, a human being...who carries his baggage right there with him at all times...mainly in the form of artificial feminine breasts that are permanently attached to his chest. 

He had two bullet wound scars on his right arm...beside a long scar running the length of the inside of his forearm...I think 'track mark' scars on the inside of both elbows, a bypass surgery scar over his heart, long scars along his neck and across his left forearm...and he was missing some teeth.

He also wore a hospital identification bracelet but it didn't look new.

I think it all seemed so obvious to me because...because...I don't know exactly...because of my own life and the need for forgiveness? Being able to recognize when another person over reacts--compassion is stirred if you are aware. If you understand the need for forgiveness and the freedom it carries when you do. His name was Ericka but I think his birth name was Tony.

He finally left after being told to be quiet for the last time.

"I am leaving! I AM a star and what you people are doing in there is WRONG! I am going to make my own tape and then you will see!" He said to the assistant that told him to be quiet.

He came back later when he realized he forgot his blanket. Then he walked around to the back of the building to ask for one of the producers, to get him and his friends some food. He had left before lunch.

Later we realized someone stole my four year old's ice cream $$$ from my bag...but we all had our lap tops and Iphones out in the dressing room so I figured that was a small price to pay for nothing else of higher value, being stolen. A costumer's atm card and the make-up girl's credit card were stolen...but not cash from their wallets or other cards...interesting.

I thought it was a good day over all.

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