I am in love with love. Everyone should have figured that out by now. Valentine's is my favorite holiday. I look for "love" everywhere I go in the form of heart shaped items--and I find them... I want it, desire it, crave it, give it and can't get enough of it...It is the theme of my life, pretty much.
Of course, my current life events have been so hurtful and disappointing in my quest for love to only be rejected, betrayed and abandoned on such a personal and intimate level. There's God though, in all of this, in everything, surrounding me and filling my heart more than I could ever imagine...but still.
Always 'but still'.
For as long as I can remember, I knew my middle name meant 'bitter'. I am always fascinated by name meanings. I believe our names aren't just chosen by our parents but put on their hearts by God. My own children's names are very meaningful to me and I have searched them out by meaning. I think the meaning of our names actually influences who we are in ways we may not even be aware of. I believe they could have prophetic significance into our identity as well.
So to have a middle name, like my 'core', mean something so negative, always perplexed me. Does anyone else think it strange that Mary, the mother of Jesus, would have a name that meant bitter? What does this have to do with my pursuit of LOVE?
Recently, I was prompted to revisit searching out the meaning of my middle name. I couldn't believe what I found. The article stated while it was possible that the name meant 'bitter', no one could know for sure and it was more likely that the name was derived from the Egyptian words mry "beloved" or mr "love".
It brought me to tears...In my life long pursuit of love--it was HERE all along. I wasn't crazy either--it's part of my being, who I am. My middle name means LOVE.
My first name means 'pure'--I always knew that and it has had a profound affect on me. Now combine the two names together--pure love.
It makes so much more sense now too...My destiny is and always has been: LOVE. I don't have to change my name or identity to try and prove it...to anyone. I don't have to reinvent myself. I don't have to fake it. It's truly who I am and always have been.