It's sorrowful. My heart is overwhelmed and now it's the end of the day, literally, call me selfish, but I'm not crying over the presidency or the future of America.
Today, I'm crying over the same sorrows I had yesterday. And last week. My family is still hurting, not more or less then yesterday. I still have to figure out how to live MY life, right now. Not three months from now. Not next year but now.
I have to figure out how to cope with the challenges I am facing every day. Every freaking day. Tonight, while praying with my seven year old, I finally broke down, right in front him. HE was wiping tears from my eyes and I felt like even more of a failure.
I'm crying because I feel like I will never be free. I will never get ahead, much less catch up. I'm crying because I've had to start my life over except with less energy, resources, tight skin and youth than the first time and way more responsibility. I'm crying because I'm worn out, tired of fighting not even for dreams anymore, but a basic human standard of decent living. I'm crying cause I feel like all the energy, love and hope of my youth was stolen from me.
Mr. T, Mrs. C, third parties, celebrities, global leaders, mega church pastors, all of you, I don't care! I don't care who won. I don't think God cares. I don't think He's up there pointing fingers at everyone who voted different from you or I. I'm praying tonight...that He cares about ME. That He moves in MY life.
I already said, sure, call me selfish. I am not going to suddenly give advice or condemn or act like we can all be peace and love and do hippie macrame together. No. Never. I don't want to jump on that bandwagon. I don't have great words of wisdom, a pithy piece of scripture or other condescending phrases.
I know people legitimately feel hurt and scared. I feel it too. Probably for different reasons but it doesn't matter. Fear is fear.
I'd like to be able to write some profound, 'let's all get along' statement that would go viral. But alas...I don't have that either. Mr. T isn't going to fix even one of my problems! The Hill wasn't going to either.
I do know, that people will feel what they are going to feel. Let them. Let them vent. Let them disagree with you, so what. Let them rejoice. Let them cry. It could be...it has nothing to do with you or me or the president. I'm exhausted, same as yesterday.