Monday, May 2, 2005

I want my stuff back!

Ya know, many women proclaim to feeling lost or like they lose themselves & their identity once they become a wife or mother. Well, I have been a wife & mother for about 12.5 years now & have never felt I lost 'myself' or who I was. I was always ME & THEN I was so & so's 'mom'. I had MY activities & things I enjoyed. I normally choose to put my ktbunch first but it never got in the way of who I was/am.

But lately................I seem to have lost all MY stuff! My make-up is in various bags & purses through out my home & on my floor, from being transferred by my dd who is 3. She is fascinated w/ 'make-up'. I give her, her own 'lipstick' which is really just chapstick but of course she loses it & interlopes into MY make-up bag. My make-up bag, which is no longer in a bag, now consist ONLY of the following: foundation, ONE eyeshadow, which is broken, thanks to above mentioned child, mascara & compact which is also broken thanks to same child! And it's now taken the place of sitting on the back of the toilet.

And my jewelry! I have 2 jewelry boxes & I keep finding things missing. I'm lucky if I can find a matching pair of earrings! My purse collection is nothing special, but I did have a variety of colors to match whatever color or mood I am IN that day, is now nothing more than containers for 'my little ponies', 'care bear' figures, mega blocks & various items from my make-up bag.

My bed, which is used daily for a trampoline or wrestling ring (but not unless it's made!) has been transformed from a luxurious & inviting pillow filled oasis to nothing more than a rectangular shape that I gratefully collapse into nightly, w/ an assortment of blankets that no longer have matching shams. I've got a floral quilt w/ a raider pillow cased pillow, a misshapen green decorative pillow & a smaller throw pillow. I think lately I have been using a kids blanket for a pillow.

I don't even have my collection of permanent, colored, sharpies! They were confiscated as 'art supplies'. I keep finding caps & pens in various places & NEVER together! My bedroom has TOYS in it! The one place that should be my get-a-way, my den of love or @ least where I can go to watch something rated R!!!! Nothing kills an amorous mood faster then rolling over on a stuffed animal that sings the alphabet song, when you're about to get 'hot & heavy'!

Which reminds me--who's bright idea was it for married people to have to SHARE a room anyway? I think all those old ladies that reverted back to their own living quarters after they were done having kids knew EXACTLY what they were doing!!..I don't think it had anything to do w/ sex! I think they were smart & realized the value of having their own room back! NO kids toys to step on! NO H socks on the floor. You can decorate it as frilly, girly & ruffly as you wanted & no one could complain because it was YOUR room!

I mean think about probably grew up w/ your own room....@ least I did. Then I get married & suddenly I am expected to share my space, my bed (which isn't too bad) AND my closet???? Uh hello? It was easy for my H. HE shared a room w/ siblings his whole life! I, on the other hand, ALWAYS had my own room w/ 2 closets! Now I am sentenced to YEARS living w/ one quarter of the closet space I am used too? That's not fair! I don't think I've gotten quite the trade off. HE gets to share his bed w/ ME nightly & I have to share my shoe rack? See the injustice here?

I had one THING left that was MINE, ALL mine! My jar of body butter from bath & body works. That stuff is NOT cheap. IT smells like coconut & every time I use it I fantasize that I am on some tropical island all ALONE! IT keeps me sane AND soft. The other day......I find my dd covered up to her shoulders in it! I wanted to 'lose it' right then & there.

She looked up @ me w/ those beautiful eyes & said, "I can't get it off, mommy." She was trying to wash her hands w/ it. eeeeeek!!!! As I cried inside, mourning the death of my tropical escape, I grabbed a towel & gently wiped her off. I don't mind being the mother of the ktbunch OR "Mixed Nut's wife" but can I @ least get my OWN soap back?

I'm tired of using the green Incredible Hulk Foam soap! I really have NO need to: Mold it! shape it! or Squish it!

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