Saturday, September 16, 2006

This was disturbing....

Last night I had a freaky dream; We were in my grandma's (dad's mom) old house, dad was in a bedroom. My mom had died in the hospital but NO ONE told me so I could go see her. I went in to the room my dad was in, asking him where she was & he replied that they were getting her ready for the funeral (the funeral home). He told me to get out! He was taking me & my brothers somewhere. (like we were children, but we're all grown) & he was like 'nothing'.

I left the room & my mother was right outside on a gurney or something & then she just got up & started talking to me...but I knew she was dead, so I started screaming hysterically & was afraid. I was up against a counter & I was so scared & screaming that I climbed onto the counter to get away from her so she couldn't touch me. My mom seemed unaffected by my reaction & even said that she saw grandma (her mom that died 2 mos ago) & that she says hi.

I saw my SIL in the background & thought to myself that she could not see my mother because my mother was NOT really there. But my dad came up & grabbed my mother to distract her from my screaming. Then I thought, they are going to take me to the hospital & give me a sedative or something because I'm flipping out. Then my aunt was there (mom's sister) & mom was talking to her normal but *I* was ignoring my mom, thinking she is not real, she is dead, but talking to my aunt. My aunt was talking to her though.

Then I suddenly woke up w/ a gasp. I wanted to call my brothers right away to check if anything had happened to mom & they didn't tell me...but it was 7:20 am...I KNEW they'd all still be asleep & told myself everything was fine since it was just a dream. Then I just started crying, wrote it down & tried to go back to sleep.

Besides all is supposed to come home from the hospital this evening. Today she got a blood transfusion. 2 pints. They said her blood was 'weak' & she needed it & if she took it she could go home. 3 of 4 doctors think she is fine...the 4th is not so sure & is still worried, he was overruled though.

The 4th doctor is their family physician. Personally, I think he is being ultra conservative because he feels a bit of guilt for not catching this sooner...although there was/is no way to 'catch' it. From what I hear from the rest of my family (everyone but me & my family go to him) he is an excellent & very caring doctor. He is close to my family & I think this makes it extra hard for him & that is what leads me to believe what I do about the situation & his relationship to it.

My mom has an opposite RH factor from all us she could not have our blood. BUT I wish she could have had mine though. It was brought up as a possibility when my brother first called this morning to let me know what was going on. I would feel like I REALLY did something to help her if she had my blood.

Life is in the blood.

While she was getting her transfusion, they also gave her potassium, via IV. The nurse warned it may burn & my mom has had it before. Well, it was hurting my mom SO bad she started crying. My brother & dad had left to get something to eat. I felt so bad for her. I told her it would be ok & once it was done, she could go home...only a little while longer.

The nurse came back to give her a pain reliever but decided, finally just to stop it altogether & send it to the pharmacy to have them add 'lidocaine' to help numb the vein instead. I think the nurse felt bad for her too. Finally she restarted it but it still hurt, but not as bad so they put an ice pack & that seemed to help but since it was restarted, the time also restarts.....

Mom was also very tired, in & out. She would be talking, fall asleep for a few seconds & then wake up trying to pick up where she left off in the conversation. Sometimes though, she would start dreaming & say something completely wierd & unrelated. That made lil e & I crack up! lol

1 comment:

  1. Still praying for you and your family, my friend. ((((HUGS))))


Thank you for visiting our tiny bit of space...I LOVE it when you leave comments. Thank you SO much.