Monday, December 17, 2007

Missing Mom....

My attorney's (former attorney, YAY!) Dh also died of Pancreatic cancer....well she said that the 2nd year was the hardest because the 1st year, you're still in shock. Makes sense....

The past few months have been so crazy in MY life that I haven't had much time to think of mom. I think of her, but not deeply.

The other day I ended up doing some impromptu Christmas shopping & found some boxed jewelry sets on sale, I let the littles pick out sets for all their aunties, grandma & nana. Then I felt a twinge of sadness & self pity that I didn't have a mom or grandma to buy for but here I was buying for Dh mother. I redirected my thought to the fact that I DO have 1 grandma left.

Later, alone in the car, I just started crying, out of the blue really, but I just felt so sad that I didn't have my mom here to shop for Christmas, to pick out a gift for her. I felt like: WHO do I buy for then?

After the play on Saturday night, I was walking up & my dad passed by & let me know he was going to go get his car. I saw my brother & his friend & the thought ran through my mind & I was about to ask DS: Where's grandma Gale?

I caught myself & was like WHAT THE HECK???? I hadn't had a thought like that, I think since the moment she died & I thought that i should call & tell her, share latest the news---that SHE had died!!! lol

But seriously...I was stunned for a minute that I even thought that.

Naturally, I guess I just expected her there. I know she would not have missed DS & I performing. She was always 'there'.

Tonight, as I was @ the mall Christmas shopping....@ the last minute I ended up in this store w/ nice odds & ends. I found a lovely wind chime w/ a stained glass sun & it made a lovely tinkling sound. I bought it to hang on the tree next to my mom's site. People do that there.

I think it wil be nice. I haven't been there for awhile.....

1 comment:

  1. I am certain that the second year is harder. I like the windchime idea. I hope that you have a wonderful rest of the week!

    :-) Susan


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