elusive? unrealistic? idealistic?
It's the magic number, I believe, will free me from all that plagues me.
I feel like the day I can run (or run/walk) that 26.2 mile marathon, I will have left all my hurtful past behind, once & for all. I do not know exactly when that will happen. I wish it could be sooner rather than later. I KNOW it will happen though. When that day does arrive, I will have put hours upon hours & miles upon miles of training (therapy?) in & behind me.
When I run, that is what I feel like. I am running to get away from all that is meant to derail me, to hold me hostage, to defeat me, to hurt me.
Some days I awake defeated & I don't run. Some days I awake victorious & I run. Some days I awake w/ defeat in sight & I force myself onto 'victory' by forcing myself to run.
I really have to push myself sometimes but I have that goal, that hope in mind. I WANT to leave 'it' all behind. I want to forget the pain, the hurt, the disappointments of the past, almost 35 years worth.
I know I will get there eventually & I cling desperately to that hopeful knowledge. but when?
1.5 weeks ago I made it 15k/9.3 miles...in ONE shot! Unbelievable for me...& I could feel that 26.2 within my grasp. Way in the distance but I could see it. Then I didn't run for a week after! What? :-/
For some it is a promotion, a career, a baby, a lover or a shower curtain that we just KNOW will make everything right. If only, if only, if only---then I will be popular, I will be loved, I will impress, my kids will behave, all will be well w/ the world I live in.
And we believe it.
I believe it? Or is it my time limit? When I hit 26.2....I will be 'over it'.
That is my goal.
I hope, I look forward to that day...when I reach my 26.2.
It will be more than just 'miles'.