Saturday, May 17, 2008

Is THIS the journey?

A couple weeks go @ a morning service we've been attending regularly for about a month....2 members went around & prayed for each person, prophetically or encouragingly, however the Lord led.

When they got to me they shared a few words then also said they saw me w/ a 'backpack' going on a 'journey'. Being the type of person *I* am, I wondered if the backpack was a burden. lol

Then they prayed for JOY....but the woman came back w/ a puzzled look on her face, The Lord gave me a sword for you? The other woman said she sensed it was a rod...@ the same time we both responded that it was like a walking stick.

I had an image of myself hiking up a mountain or on a trail, w/ a back pack & a walking stick, heading towards the giant sun in the sky & once I reached the summit, was awe struck @ such an amazing view.

Another interesting point is that my Dh was not w/ me but rather off to the side w/ the ktbunch, his arms around them protectively as they were watching me.

I pondered on this for awhile, not knowing what to think....thinking the worst, of course. My DH wondered if I had a walking stick BECAUSE he was NOT w/ me...

Then....I was 'invited' to go to Ethiopia! Was that the journey we all saw as they prayed?

I can only wonder & step out on faith. It makes no logical sense. We cannot even pay our own bills but yet I am going to go on a endeavor that requires so much money. Would God really want me to fundraise for this trip while my utilities get shut off?

It all makes no sense...leaving my family, missing my 2 littles birthdays....why ME? Don't get me wrong, I truly, really want to go. I imagine it will be the adventure of a lifetime. But is it appropriate? Is this desire within me (that even DH recognizes, I've always had) sincere?

I DO realize & admit, that now, I feel like I actually have something to offer. I have learned so much in regards to my personal relationship w/ Jesus's everything else in this world that confuses me, such as MY place in IT!

I want to share this amazing Love & Grace w/ any & all who will listen. I know I have changed & been healed & released of some oppressions I did not even realize existed. I have had a serious life transformation.

Some ways I can only vaguely describe...others are tangible, almost unbelievable. Such whole life I have been very shy. I know my friends have a hard time believing this but it's true. As an adult I forced myself to learn tools to help w/ this but the root of this is basic insecurity. Worrying about what others will think of me, it's a very self-centered insecurity. Well, since my 'transformation' that shyness is literally gone!

Also I have had some pretty strong physical boundaries. I would joke about, yes. But I really did not like people touching me. I kept a fairly tight personal space boundary & had no problem letting people know about it. Even w/ women, I tolerated the 'hugs' but it was extremely uncomfortable anyway. I did allow a few I trusted into my space, such as my DH & children, but beyond them....3 FT! lol Well, I no longer feel a NEED to keep people @ bay. It no longer bothers me for people to touch me in normal, friendly fashion. Such as hugs from friends, or when people lay hands on for prayer.

It truly is amazing & unless you experience it & have lived liked this yourself, it may be hard to understand, relate to or even believe.

Then there is the compassion & peace within my household. Almost like day & night. I really think it's emanating (if that's the appropriate word) from me. As if MY changes are overflowing onto my family.

I am being challenged & learning so much. I feel like all the dots are starting to connect...why did it take me 35 years to get here?

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