So just when I was getting used to the idea of my life NOT being how I imagined or planned...God throws me a curveball! Right back where I started?
I am honest w/ God, figure he knows how I feel & what I think anyway, the good, bad AND the ugly, so might as well be forthcoming & admit it, right? I let Him know I wasn't happy about all the change that was now taking place in my life & the shattering of all MY dreams. But @ the same time, I was willing to trust HIM, in all things.
I trusted that He knew better. I chose to stop kicking & screaming & submit to His will, even if I might not like it or it seemed disappointing.
I trusted He had even greater things in store for me.
I was SO blessed to be able to go on a trip of a lifetime to Ethiopia. Hoping I would be able to go back next year....
Well, guess what? I most certainly will NOT be going back next year.
I was disappointed that it seemed my dream of having large family may never be realized. But I trusted God & gave up that 'idea'. I focused on all the positives of my life, as it is. I grieved & mourned, no doubt, of the loss of my dreams, but again, I trusted God.
I faced, what looked like, my 'new path'. Started making 'new' plans, setting new goals & new dreams....Sometimes I felt confused as to what that path really was going to look like.
But again, leaning NOT on my own understanding, but trusting on God's Word & His voice to guide me.
Then, as suddenly as I came to accept it...'it' changed!
I imagine God has such a sense of humor, possibly reserved JUST for ME! lol I'm pg! WHAT?
I finally get used to the idea of NOT being & all the positives of having self sufficient children...& BAM!
WHY? I wonder? Why go through all that grieving & mourning for what was not to be, just to have it be ANYWAY? Silly God. lol
Perhaps it was to get me to a place of being willing to submit to ALL things, IN all things.
Now, it most certainly is the WORST timing ever!
Not planned, NOT trying--& yet--here we are.
Since it IS the worst timing ever...I am forced even more to rely on my Holy one...for mercy as I know I can not get through this on my own strength or fortitude, not my own grit. I can't do it! I'm telling you. I'm warning you? Warning who? lol
Such an amazing & wonderful blessing when we are scraping by? Can-barely-afford-gas-in-our-car-to-get-to-work-to-afford-gas-in-our-car---scraping by!
Do I trust God in this? Will I? I choose too....@ this point, I feel I have no other choice, really. lol
God continues to stretch me by putting me in the most insane & uncomfortable positions that I can ONLY trust him--there is nothing else. No one else, not even myself.
He is my provider.
I am @ His mercy & I truly believe, it is right where He wants me...for whatever reason? lol
Bring on the Adventure! :-)