beginning of the end...

I know that's not really true.

My father-in-law is now in a coma. His kidneys are failing and soon his other organs will too and eventually he will be unable to breathe. My husband stayed the night at his parents house so he could help my father in law use the restroom and get around. He could walk with a walker but getting up was becoming increasingly difficult.

Then the phone call this morning that he was unresponsive and they were in the ER. It is quite different being on the other side. This time I am still trying to take care of people but I don't feel like I need as much care...

Being 'on the other side' is not with out it's moments...I'm the mom and mom's answer all the childhood questions, wipe the tears and hold the children close in their grief. My middles began to break down the other night. S was extremely distraught over the idea of death.

Trying to wrap his 9 year old brain around the fact that we will all die eventually. But a 9 year old brain can not go much farther than the here and now..so he was extremely concerned that we would all die and leave his baby brother all alone. Also the idea that *I* would not be around was overwhelming to him. It's very heart breaking to watch your children grapple with these issues. I am grateful for the wisdom of the Holy Spirit in those moments.

I know this really isn't the beginning of the end..it's only the beginning. Lots of hard decisions are going to have to be made after this. My father in law left no indications of his funeral preferences...there will be many 'opinions' voiced soon. Many have already begun...

I do not know how this side of grief will affect our family, either...