Monday, July 20, 2015

Belated Thoughts on Father's Day: Leave it to the Fathers

Helping the ktbunch create a gift for the Mr.
It came and went. I spent the day alone (aka: extrovert torture btw) while all the ktbunch went with their dad for the first time in I don't know how long. Well, let me not exaggerate, it wasn't a full day alone, only a few afternoon hours.

It's common to wish the opposite gender parent Happy Whatever day, when they are parenting alone. No offense intended, but statistics tell us, single parents are mostly women, mothers who are covering the majority, if not all, the child-rearing bases. We (yah, that includes me) are often told we are both mother and father.

It feels flattering at first. Except I'm not a father and I never will be. I no longer want to feel guilty for my kids not having the type of father they either used to, wish they had and deserve, not having a father who is around full-time, living in their home, honoring his wife, their mother. Then feeling guilty, over-indulging to try to make-up for what they are lacking.

The finished product.
No. I'm not going to play make-up-daddy anymore. I prefer to be the damn good mother I am and let my children's father answer for himself, or not. I refuse to try to be anything more than I am...

There it is. Maybe it's time for us to STOP being what we are not. Stop trying to fill in the gaps. There are always gaps. In the best of homes. Life is meant to have gaps. We can't shield our children from pain and suffering, ever. We can teach them how to handle it though. How to react to lack in their lives. Teach them the best way to respond to disappointments.

The only way I know how to do that is to point them to Christ. Recognize and acknowledge their pain instead of trying to discount or hide it. I want them to remember it, so they won't repeat it. We all know we often repeat the mistakes of our parents UNLESS we live an intentional life. I will teach them to live intentionally and take responsibility for their own choices.

I will remind my sons that they get a second chance at childhood when they have their own children. While their dad is not in their home, raising them, they CAN choose to be the dad that IS. I will remind my daughter...that there are no guarantees but she can live fearlessly when her hope is in Christ alone and love whole-heartedly.

I will relieve myself of that burden once and for all. I will not take credit for something I am not. I will take credit for all that I am doing well. If there is no one to give credit TO, then so be it.

I am a mother. I intend to continue to be a good one. I don't need the extra credit or thanks. I am doing what I am supposed to do.

So let the fathers have their day, good or bad. We all know who's who and what's what. I don't need to be what is lacking in my children's lives. I am going to play my role and quit picking up the slack for anyone else.


  1. I love this! Thanks for writing this!

  2. This brought some serious tears to my eyes. I know all about the worrying, the trying to pretend like the emotional gaps don't really exist because if we did, it might cause us pain. I get it. With all my heart. Been a single parent to my 19 yr old son for almost 15 yrs. Even before that really. Katy, I admire who you are and even more so, I admire your wisdom.


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