EASIEST Camping Menu EVER

Serious folks. It can't get easier than this unless you STAY HOME! I love camping & I love camping with kids. Actually, the Mr & I have never 'camped' with out the kids so I don't know if it would be as fun or not? haha. In honor of summer I am going to start a series on camping with kids.

This menu is simply going for the EASY factor and does not take into consideration food allergies or special diet. It's 'fairly' healthy--but hey...it IS easy. This menu also requires little to no prep besides packing it. You pretty much just grocery shop & then pack it up!

EASY MENU

Breakfast:
Yogurt Parfait: yogurt (we prefer Greek), granola + fruit: strawberries & blueberries are favs.
bagel + cream cheese
choice of snack listed below (I recommend the fig bars)
water

Lunch:
peanut butter & banana sandwich (bread + peanut butter + banana)
individual bag of chips (I like Sun chips!)
fruit: apple or orange
carrot sticks
snack (I recommend trail mix/peanuts or pb crackers)
water

Dinner:
hot dog roasted over fire pit (hot dogs + bun + condiments)
individual bag of chips
fruit: apple or orange or banana
snack
water
dessert; roasted marshmallows/s'mores

Snacks:
trail mix (I do buy this in bulk & store in a container)
peanut butter crackers (individual serving packs)
granola bar/Fig Bars  (I LOVE these %100 all natural bars from Nature's Bakery)
fruit

This menu does not even need much in the way of cutlery or disposable paper goods.
ONLY: spoons, cups, napkins & knives to spread the cream cheese...but in a pinch you could use a spoon for that. 
The yogurt can be served into a cup & eaten with a spoon. Lunch and dinner can be eaten from a plate or around the camp fire with a napkin.


We only drink water mainly but you can substitute fruit juice or tea if you make it ahead.

Most everything on this menu is self contained--like the fruit.

If you want to put a little more effort, you can chop the fruit ahead of time and store in a container or larger zip loc bag. This is strictly a 'convenience' preference.  All containers should be *square* shaped containers. It is the most space efficient shape. I don't normally purchase individual serving sizes of anything but for an easy camping trip, I did/do.

Ice can be tedious & messy. Most foods can be frozen *ahead of time* in lieu of an ice chest full of heavy melted ice. I take a minimum of 2 gallon size jugs of water and freeze them ahead of time. Don't get the milk jug shape jugs, get the taller, rectangular jugs--better use of space in your ice chest. The yogurt, strawberries & blueberries, the hotdogs & even the buns & bread can also be frozen ahead of time and then added to the ice chest, when you pack it, right before leaving. If you are a little more lenient in your food choices, you can purchase cold cereal, which can be eaten with yogurt--no need to bring milk.

When you arrive, or by the second day, you can then purchase ice if you need too.
Check out your campsite online *before* you go, for water availability. If there is access you shouldn't need to bring much more than extra water bottles. For example, the Grand Canyon National Park has water refill stations (& the water is yummy too!) through out & strongly encourages the use of reusable water bottles.

Come back next time for another menu that takes a little more effort and cooking but is STILL simple.

What are your favorite camping menu items?

First camping trip of the summer

ready to set up camp!

camp all set thanX to biggest brother and sister.

We just got back from a short two night excursion to San Gorgonio campground. It is part of the San Bernardino National Forest. It is 24 miles below Big Bear City, a popular recreation and tourist area of the mountains.

We left on Monday afternoon, a little later than expected--okay two hours later than I planned--but it's all good. I am a pretty flexible person and mom so there was no stress about it. We had been to this camp ground before and we didn't have a reservation. They offer first come-first serve site options but what I did not know was that changed the day before we arrived--it switched to reservation only. Which only means reservations take priority. There was virtually NO ONE there! Maybe about 3 other sites were taken so we had our pick of the park. It was great and we had all the privacy we wanted. That is a perk for going during the week instead of during a weekend.

My big camping *splurge* this year...$8 hammock I found at the grocery store!!!

We spent the first afternoon hanging around camp, simply relaxing. I did a little magazine reading, the middles chased lizards and the 3yo--well he basically spent his time getting dirty. His face was covered within 10 minutes of our arrival. Birdy actually helped oldest set up the tents this year. I usually leave it to the Mr. & the boys but the Mr was not with us and Sammy decided he didn't know how to do it. Birdy was very helpful and I'm glad she participated. Those are the types of situations and moments you witness your children literally, grow, right before your eyes. 

We enjoyed night fall around the bonfire, roasting marshmallows and making smores. This campsite has nice, clean restrooms and running showers with hot water. No extra fee to use them either. (some campgrounds charge $.50 for 3 minutes of shower use) This may seem insignificant but if you really think about it--it's NOT! ;-) The showers do turn off in intervals (felt like every minute & a half. lol) but you easily push a button and turn it back on. 

It was colder than we expected during the night time but the day time hours produced gorgeous weather and nice temps. We did not bring nearly enough blankets. I forgot and almost didn't bring a blanket at all. It happens. We also could NOT find our air mattress pump--not good, not good at all. But we survived. You adjust and you learn to make due--even if you do lose some sleep over it. You learn to practice and exhibit more self control and patience than usual. These are good virtues to practice regularly. ;-)

The first night was actually Sammy's 12th birthday. Birdy was the one who said she wanted to go camping for her birthday but our plan did not coordinate w/ the Mr's work schedule so we postponed the trip a week.

This year their birthdays have been a little 'off' to say the least.

We didn't stay up very late, just long enough for the stars to come out and show their twinkling beauty.  Little did I know what a long night we'd have ahead of us or I might have stayed awake longer. I was too cold and the reality of sleeping in a tent, on hard ground with out an air mattress is exactly what you'd imagine it to be!

Being with your family, in nature, is ALWAYS worth smiling about though. No complaints about that. 

Yes! I run AND camp in a skirt.

I started running again a few days ago with a new goal of 1 mile every day for a year. Yes, even while camping, I stuck to my new goal.


The next day our plan was to head to Big Bear and check out the Discover Nature Center they have. Unfortunately, it is closed on Tuesdays and Wednesdays...the days we were there. That was a bummer but we still had a nice afternoon.

We stopped at this little scenic park/picnic area. We were able to get a beautiful view of the lake and walk around a bit before heading to "Big Bear Village".

I've spent a few mini-vacations in Big Bear so I was able to show the KtBunch a couple sentimental locations that are still there. Some have been there nearly 20 years (or more--I visited them the first time almost 20 yrs ago)--the place has NOT changed much, obviously.

chronological order.
I love how the boys are all sitting the exact same way!

The weather was warm but  not too uncomfortable.

I took a picture in front of this SAME clock post, nearly 20 years ago!
A lot has changed in my life since then--primarily these 4 beauties. 

We stopped at a candy shop and got a triple chocolate caramel apple. Oh! It was so delicious. Sam preferred a nice scoop of cookie dough ice cream in a sugar cone. It was a nice treat to end the afternoon with. We headed back to the camp site to take a hike. There is a trail connected to the site. I think we hiked about 2 miles round trip.

The views were lovely. We could see the mountains and the whole valley below. Simply lovely.

I think we'd all agree the very best part of the trip was on our way home. At the base of the mountain we stopped at this picnic area. It has steps and a trail to lead to a creek (is that was it is exactly? I don't know). We had to cross over water a few times. There are rocks of mini-rapids that create pools. Clear, cool pools of water. It was exactly what we needed and a great way to end our trip. The Ktbunch's entire attitude changed. I'm sure I saw Kurtis grow a little right before my eyes. It's amazing how that works. All whiny-ness stopped, he became more sure and self confident of himself as he crossed natural rock bridges, jumped in water up to his waist. It was sweet to watch.

A funny thing: initially I wasn't even going to get IN the water but I accidentally got the toe of my tennis shoe wet. The ktbunch had ditched their shoes immediately & were barefoot...WHY was I not going in the water myself? I have no idea. But I remembered, I'm the adventurous mom, wife and person and if I don't step into the water, I was going to regret it later, for sure. 

I was glad I quickly remembered WHO I was. The water was not even cold. It was cool and refreshing and beautiful and amazing.

Don't ever be afraid to step into the water and GET YOUR FEET WET!

Then it was time to head home...

I have the BEST kids ever!!!

And the Winner Is....

Sorry this is later than expected. We went camping and I had issues with my phone. Technology!

Here we are though.
We did it the old fashioned way...

Put each name on a piece of paper, then each piece of paper in a box.

The Birthday Boy chose the lucky winner by hand.



Are you ready for the BIG REVEAL?

CONGRATULATIONS GODCHASER!!!

I will need your mailing address & phone number to get YOUR party started!

Thank you to EVERYONE that entered. Hope you had fun & keep reading.

Care Bear Movie

This was a prompt from a school assignment this past semester: not a recent event.

*     *     *

“Katy.”

“HI!” I smiled in surprise.

“Do you remember me?”

Jason Flores. My elementary school boyfriend. He looked exactly the same, bony and skinny, drawn face.

“Yes! Of course. Jason Flores.” I emphasized his name to prove I remembered.

“Well, give me a hug.”

I stood up from the cheap plastic chair, slightly embarrassed. I had been waiting for our pizza order to finish. My family was visiting friends and the wife and I were making a quick dinner run. Why did I choose not to wear make-up today?

“You look exactly the same.”

I blushed at his compliment, knowing seventeen years were impossible not to notice. I hadn’t seen him since I switched schools for eighth grade.

*          *          *

I blushed when I turned around and realized it was Jason who had whistled at me. Whistled, while riding his bike past my lane. He was the sweetest boy I knew but he was on the fringes of our social circle. He often wore a baseball hat over his dirty blond hair and had light skin, though his dad was Hispanic. I don’t remember the color of his eyes. I knew that he madly adored me.

          

I was finally old enough to ride my bike home from school. A blue beach cruiser. We took the same route home because we lived in the same gated complex. Back then ‘gated complex’ didn’t have the positive connotation it does now. It was simply known as “The Manor.” He lived somewhere near the front of the complex and I lived closer to the back.

He offered to ride me home on the handle bars of my bike. It sounds romantic but since we were both at the age where all the boys were skinny and short and the girls tall and getting curves, it was only awkward. I was afraid he’d realize how heavy I was and not be able to support me on the bike. I stayed on the handle bars for only a minute before I pretended I was freaked out and made myself fall off. That’s all I remember from that walk home.

Another time, for my birthday, he came to my house unexpectedly to give me a gift. It was a thick metal bracelet that looked like gold. I think he bought it from Thrifty’s. It had my name in cursive letters across it. Spelled wrong, of course. My name can never be found spelled correctly on personalized items.

After he whistled, he rode up to me and some sort of chit-chat ensued.  “Hey, maybe we can go see that Care-Bear movie sometime.”

“Sure.” Feeling too uncomfortable to continue making eye contact, I looked down at the concrete sidewalk and didn’t say anything else. I didn’t want to see a dumb Care-Bear cartoon!

*          *          *

“Well, our pizza’s done...It was nice seeing you,” I said.

“Yah, you too.”
I had forgotten to introduce my friend. “Oh, Glenda, I’m so sorry. That was an old boyfriend I had when I was in elementary school.” I told her as we got back into her car.
She smiled and laughed. “Wow, he didn’t stop smiling the entire time he was talking to you.” 

 Neither did I. 

The Funeral Dresses pt 3

The second funeral dress, I made only six months after the first. I knew right away I’d be using fabric that matched the first dress. The butterflies on it were different shades of blue with yellow flowers. The dress style was a little different on top. It had a tank bodice, ties that attached at the side, wrapped around twice, tying in a bow on the front. I sewed a matching hair tie for this one too. I used yellow thread. I wasn’t trying to color coordinate it. I had found a ton of yellow spools of thread in the garage and I used it to sew everything. It didn’t really matter; no one would be looking at the thread.

I did not do the hems as professionally as the first dress; I simply folded them over once and absent mindedly sewed. I stayed up late and alone while I worked on it. The rhythmic hum of the machine was soothing. The fabric edges frayed upon first washing, although you’d never know because they were on the underside. I remember the dress being so much bigger than the first one. The skirt portion was longer. It will take a while for her to grow out of it, I thought. When I look at it now, it is so small and not much bigger than the first one at all.

Like the dress, I appeared bigger, stronger and better put together than I really was underneath. This time I was the one making the funeral arrangements for my daughter’s grandmother. This time, it was my own mother we were burying. She thought she had pulled her back out, really, the pain was cancer.

Cutting is always the worst part. Something about that full stretch of uncut fabric holds so much potential. It’s almost too overwhelming to decide what to do with it. I hate when I finish a project and need to decide what to do with the scraps. I saved as much as I could. The butterflies wanted to be pretty. They wanted to represent joy but there were too many of them. You knew it was unnatural to have so many in one place, over lapping each other. If you squinted your eyes, the butterflies, in their various shades of blue, blurred together to look like an ocean of waves.

I spent the last week of my mother’s life at her house. I debated whether or not to purchase the fabric while she was still alive. If I buy it before she dies, will that mean I have given up hope? Is there any hope left? God can still produce a miracle whether I have the fabric or not. Does this mean I don’t have enough faith to believe in miracles? I bought the fabric in between making the pre-funeral arrangements. It’s cheaper when you make the purchase ‘pre-need’.

Unlike my grandma, mom died at home. I was there, we knew it was coming. It was still a shock in that split-second moment. I was on the phone with my brother, he was dropping off a check payment to the funeral home and there was some issue.

“Dad wrote the wrong amount.” He sounded irritated and tired. He continued on about having to get a new check to them by a certain date to get the discount price.

 “Katy!” My aunt sounded frantic. ”It’s happening.” Her voice had this strange pitch I’d never heard before.

I heard myself tell my brother, “Ok. Don’t worry about it,” and hung up the phone. I was surprised by the feeling of fright that suddenly came over me. My mom’s last act of life, was the gasp of death. I put my hand over my mouth to hold back the sob threatening to choke me. I knew she was gone and I fainted without losing consciousness.

I did not make myself anything new to wear. I wore a skirt I had in the closet, black with tiny perfume bottles on it. Everyone asked me if I made it. I also wore a fitted pink cardigan, from my mom’s closet.



Looking for part one?

The Funeral Dresses pt 2

My grandmother lived a very long life, the last decade spent trapped somewhere in the deep memories of her mind. At 91 years old, she finally stopped breathing. She had stopped eating weeks before and mom chose to have a feeding tube placed in her abdomen. I didn’t understand her reasoning, how could I? It wasn’t my mother I was struggling to let go of. I suspect grandma would have died much sooner if it wasn’t for the pace maker. Mom said it wasn’t the pace maker, but love, that kept her heart beating. I don’t know if she really believed that or thought it was a nice thing to say at the funeral.

The first dress I made would be for my grandma’s funeral. I chose a fabric that did have a black background but it was covered in orange, lavender and pink butterflies. The butterflies looked lively and free. The bodice had a mock criss-cross front, with an unattached sash that tied in the back and a matching hair band. I took great care in making sure each hem was double folded over nicely to avoid any fraying fabric. The dress fit her so well, she seemed to outgrow it the next day. I sewed a solid colored black tiered skirt for myself.

The sewing was a pleasant distraction. It gave me some distance from my mother’s grief and funeral arrangement busy work. I had sympathy for my mom but I couldn’t grasp the depth of what she was feeling. Growing up, she considered my grandmother her very best friend. My mom and I did not share a relationship like that though. She told me many times that she imagined, “…we’d be very best friends.” She was seventeen years old when she gave birth to me. She wanted a friend, I needed a mother. It took us years to figure that out.

“Should I wear black?” My mom was so unsure of herself.

“I think you should wear whatever you want. Whatever makes you comfortable.” I made a conscious effort not to roll my eyes or sound short with her. I knew she needed me and as usual, it felt awkward.

The butterflies on the fabric inspired us to go with an entire butterfly theme for the service. We released Monarch butterflies at grandma’s graveside. They arrive frozen in these triangular boxes. You hold one in your closed hands to warm it up and when you feel the wings begin to flutter and tickle the inside of your palms, you release it. My daughter laughed and chased the butterflies around the cemetery. I missed my grandma but I knew she was free now, free from the prison of her mind and aging body.

Read part 3.

The Funeral Dresses pt 1

I told everyone I thought children shouldn’t wear black to funerals. My daughter had just turned four years old when I made her first funeral dress. I never imagined I would end up making three of these little dresses within the next three years. She was seven years old when she wore the last dress, to my father-in-law’s funeral.

The last dress I made was black with small purple flowers on it and I used purple thread to sew it. I had a different fabric in mind but my husband really wanted something more formal looking. The bodice tied around her neck. It didn't fit correctly across her back so I attached two purple ribbons, one on each side, to tie in the back to keep it from gaping. I made her a skirt for the viewing and a matching dress for my niece from the same fabric. I wore a calf length, black dress I already owned.

My daughter was nearly hysterical as she sobbed through the memorial service. As guests began to fidget and give sideways glances, I sensed others found it disturbing. I finally had to take her outside. She never wore that dress or skirt again. It was August and almost 100 degrees that day.

I felt like those small purple flowers, detached from their stem, aimlessly floating in an endless sea of black.

Read part 2.

It's Birthday Season + a Give-Away!!!

June is a VERY busy month for our family. My dad celebrated his birthday at the beginning of the month and two days later was my aunt, dad's sister. My middles celebrate their birthdays a week apart.

Today we celebrated Birdy's 10th birthday. The Mr. gifted her with a very cool beach cover-up sweater, a set of Lego's and the necklace you see her wearing in this picture. He was off to work and the KtBunch headed to IHOP for a breakfast-lunch. haha. That's what she wanted--trust me, we tried to talk her into Mimi's.

She also wants to have a sleep-over with her girl friends but they are out of town so that is on hold for now.





Next Monday will be Sammy's birthday. I'm still not sure what exactly we are going to do. sigh. The ideas have been tossed around since last December!

In honor of Birthday Season in our life, Party Works has offered to give one lucky reader a Party Pack of their choice, for 8 guests!

There are lots of great themes to choose from like Hello Kitty--I admit, I'm partial.

Maybe you're old school and prefer something for the gamer in your life like Super Mario?

I used this same Sweet Pea theme for my baby shower for youngest three years ago.  What will you choose? parties aren't just for kids either. What about an afternoon tea for your girlfriends? This Cherry Blossom theme is lovely.

Ok, I think I have decided--for my 40th birthday party (next year), I want to have a Wizard of Oz themed shindig! Seriously. It's my most favorite movie and anyway--how fun would that be? I was thinking red and yellow colors before I even noticed those are the balloon colors this party pack includes.

So HOW do you WIN a Party Pack for yourself?
Leave a COMMENT below, sharing which party pack you would choose! This give-away will be open for 7 days--that means it will close on SAM'S birthday!

Don't forget to share on FB, twitter and tell all your friends!

Sorry--give-away open to US residents only.
PLEASE be sure you are NOT a no-reply blogger OR ELSE I won't be able to contact you if you are the chosen winner. PLEASE be sure to leave me some way to contact you!!!!

Thank you.
Good luck!

ER Visit

This sweet lil' fella of mine had a very rough night last night. He woke up every hour between 1:00 am and 3:00 am shaking and somewhat incoherent and possibly hallucinating. He had a fever too. He would wake up and look at me and smile and then sort of gasp and jump and look in another direction and have a complete look of fear on his face.

Each time got worse and worse and he would cry out for his daddy. At one point he even told me there were 'monsters' and another time I asked: "Kurtis, can you see me?" He was looking right at me but he responded: "No, turn on the light." I had to try and sleep the rest of the night with the light on. It was scary for me to witness. The last time he woke up it was 3:33am and he vomited a little.

By morning I knew we would not be going to church--we were all exhausted. He was sleeping more soundly but the fever was getting worse. Eventually I woke him up and took him to the ER and upon arrival his temperature was 103!!! We didn't have to wait very long. This was the first time I've ever taken one of my children to the ER by myself--guess I'm an official grown-up now? lol

They examined him manually and didn't see any issues with ears or throat, no swollen glands. They gave him half of a very small pill for the vomiting--which I don't think was ever really an issue-and something for the fever.

He was very excited to drink a box of apple juice. When the nurse removed the trash he said, "I think she is going to get me more. I want more." He was so sweet--the nurse did bring a juice box 'to go' before we left. He certainly wasn't happy to be there. He cried when I put him on the bed and when they wanted to examine him and give him the tylenol. He kept asking me to hold him.

Look at those sweet eyelashes! It certainly wasn't how anyone expected Father's Day to go. The Mr. was at the beach w/ the middles. When I brought Kurtis home, he immediately went back to sleep for the rest of the day.

Later, when they beach-goers returned to change, he joined them and went to Nana's house. Later in the evening, I could tell his fever was returning.

We had to force him to take acetaminophen again. His fever had  climbed back up to 101.7.

Hopefully whatever this is clears up soon and/or resolves itself. I'm so tired. I also slept most of the afternoon.

And he said

to his daddy, "Let me pray for you."

"Ok." his daddy responded with a smile, though I doubt he understood what his three year old was saying.

He jumped into his daddy's arms, held tightly around his neck and said the same two sentence prayer he always says, "Dear Jesus, thank you for this day. And help daddy to come back. In Jesus Name, Amen."

His daddy hugged him tightly, kissed his cheek and gently lowered him back down to the porch.

"Bye Daddy."

"Bye," his daddy answered, smiling as usual, and walked away, crossing the half-dead lawn, to his car.

Just SPIN!

I've been losing my mojo. I do have a tendency toward depression & it's been taking all the energy & self-will I have NOT to give into it, lately. I hardly recognize the person, woman I am lately. Disconnected, emotional, a sissy? Maybe. lol I'm making up for lost time--all those years I spent as a 'robot' I guess.

Anyway. Monday we needed to be out & about early--to take oldest to a meeting at work. It was only supposed to be an hour, not worth coming home for the 20 minute drive it takes to get there. I knew there was a little park nearby that I wanted to check out.

No time to make a 'good-mommy-breakfast'--see the pressure we put on ourselves? Thank God they're fed at this point! ;-) So I spent a few extra bucks & paid someone else to make them a breakfast burrito. Hey, eggs are healthy-and I'm supporting the economy. It's a great little burger joint that makes 'real food'. Hash browns, bacon, and eggs wrapped in a tortilla is pretty delish.

It's one of those great parks that's separated into 3 age appropriate groupings of play equipment; has climbing walls, ropes, balance and spinning 'things'. You know, urban, with recycled rubber tires under the swings.

The park is tiny but gated, attracting lots of mommies and nannies. A few too many in such a small space. Must be popular. Many of the mommies, either dressed in work-out wear or casual clothing and jewelry, knew each other. The nannies paid very close attention to their charges.

Kurtis loved it. he could climb, swing, hang, and balance to his heart's content. The park in our neighborhood is very similar, but more spacious. It has many of the same type of play equipment.

However, there is one piece of equipment that is really my favorite. It's this *thing* that spins. You stand on it, in it? Somehow, your body makes it spin. At the park by our house, I can never get it to work. Which is strange. It will spin, if I'm lucky, a couple turns and then stop and it always makes me feel nauseous!

Normally, when we are at our own neighborhood park, I'm visiting (& praying) with another mom friend. This time though, since I was alone, I dutifully followed the ktbunch around and tried to be a little more involved. My daughter told me I just *had* to try the spinning thing, assuring me it worked good.

Kurtis decided he wanted to try it with me. He FLEW off a minute after this picture was taken, with only one turn.

He said he didn't like it and didn't want to get back on after that. It sure was funny though.

Birdy was right--this spinning thing can FLY! You get on and you can't get off cause it won't stop spinning.

Sam is pretty cool but not too cool to spin.


Think I won't?

I am SO NOT that cool!

I don't think I'm even wearing make-up! Gasp!!

This thing is OUT.of.CONTROL!

AND it didn't even make me feel queasy at all. I think I almost flew off at one point.

You can stand around and watch life go by. You can be sad. Life can fall apart around you. But hey--if it's gonna fall apart anyway...why not laugh it all to pieces?



For a moment, a blissful, happy moment, I was myself again. I was Katy. I was a free little girl-that I don't think I ever was. I was *that mom* that I recognized. The one that laughs and still likes to go on the swings and jump off. The one that isn't holed up in her room, hiding so her kids don't see her crying, again.

And I think, maybe...that's what you, I, just gotta do sometimes. Just SPIN. The tears will be waiting, if you want to face them again, later. So will the laundry and the dishes and the eggs. Buy the burritos. Go to the park. Pretend if you must. Pretend everything is OK. While you're pretending, you just might realize, that everything really IS ok. Or at least it's going to be. You are going to be ok.

SPIN. The next time someone asks you how you are, you can answer sincerely, with a big smile, that you're "great!" Cause you are. If you're not sure, go to the park, swing as high as you can and jump off.

Or just go on that spinning *thing*, hold on for dear life, lean your head back and let yourself get dizzy as the clouds swirl above you. 

BE my prayer

Lord, when I can't be...

Be my breath.
Be my song.
Be my joy.
Be my strength.
Be my endurance.
Be my words.
Be my comfort.
Be my faith.
Be my hope.
Be my cleansing.
Be my refinement.
Be my truth.
Be my future.
Be my savior.
Be my redeemer.
Be my story.
Be my voice.
Be my defender.
Be my witness.
Be my intercessor.
Be my friend.
Be my constant.
Be my shield.
Be my sword.
Be my salvation.
Be my muse.
Be my creator.
Be my vision.
Be my fortress.
Be my will.
Be my motivation.
Be my wisdom.
Be my cover.
Be my thoughts.
Be my silence.
Be my heart.
Be my tears.
Be forgiveness.
Be mercy.
Be grace.
Be humility.
Be love.
Be fearless.
Be acceptance.
Be near.
Be here.
Be there.
Be enough.
Be more than enough.
Be.


...Jesus answered, "...I AM!" John 8:58

6 months has passed

since I wrote this post stating my prayer for the year.  I asked God to give me a prayer for the year, it was: "More of what I need and less of what I want."  I did not realize, when I wrote and prayed this prayer, what a tall order it would be.


Right now, I am struggling. It's deep, it's scary, it's painful, it's FIRE. No joke. I trust God. I am being brought to a place of complete and utter surrender. I thought giving up was a sign of weakness. "Never give up, Never surrender!" Isn't that our battle cry? When we continue to think WE stand a chance in this world...we lose our power. It is only Christ within us that has any power. You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 1Jn 4:4  

I had to surrender. I had to be brought to that place of having nothing left. Nothing recognizable, nothing to hold on to. I have to give up. There is nothing I can do to change my situation. 

I can't stop the pain, the tears, my children's hearts from breaking, dreams from dying, happiness being stolen...I can do nothing to affect change in anyway. I can't save myself, much less anyone else. I can't convince, reason with or encourage. 

I can't produce my own hope in a hopeless situation. I can't console. I can't comfort. I have no words of encouragement. I have no answers. I can't change the past, the present or my future. 

God keeps showing me my past, mistakes, poor choices, moments, issues I wasn't even aware I had. He reveals it all. For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all. Luke 8:17 

I can't produce my own faith. I can't give my children faith. I can't restore their trust. I can't restore my own trust. I can't fix our situation. I can't fix them. I can't fix myself. I don't have a plan. I don't know what to do. I have no answers, no explanations. I can not restore. I can not forgive. I have no solution. I can not love. I can not be long suffering. I can't produce patience. I can not stop the suffering. I can not endure. I can not produce peace in this chaos. I can not look beyond my own self. I can not succeed.

In light of that prayer I prayed in January...I guess this is what I needed. It's certainly nothing I ever would have wanted. As God strips away everything I thought I wanted...what is left? Nothing. Nothing? 

Him. 

I have nothing left to give.

So...

I give...up.
I surrender.
I wave my white flag. I can not rescue myself.

I can not raise the dead.

Christ can.
Christ did.

For nothing is impossible with God. Luke 1:37
For NOTHING is impossible with God.
For nothing IS impossible with God.
For nothing is IMPOSSIBLE with God.
For nothing is impossible WITH God.
For nothing is impossible with GOD.


Christ will.

Are you IN the fire?

In Daniel Ch 3--we all know the story of Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego...they refuse to bow down & worship the King because of their love & dedication to God.

The king gets angry, ties them up & throws them in the fire.

Well....I'm sure they were praying hard for God to get them OUT of that fire. It was so HOT, (king ordered it to be heated 7x hotter than usual)  the heat killed the soldiers that were escorting the 3 of them into it.

They are there in that fire...no rescue, the fire doesn't go out, there is no Holy water raining down upon them.

Photo by Robert Brooks, Editing by Kevin Cameron

BUT there IS an angel of the Lord WITH them in the fire. AND they are there, in the middle of it--unscathed. UNTIL...their actual tormentor, the king, calls them out. Their "enemy" calls them out of the fire--because he witnesses what has happened & realizes WHO the real God is. Dan 3:26 Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!" So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire...

In my own life, I've been praying for a 'speedy rescue'....this fire is hot & it's uncomfortable & scary. No 'rescue' has appeared. But I know, that I know, that I KNOW--God is with me.

The other thing is....the 3 men did NOT try to escape. They could have. They could have fought off the guards....weren't their ropes burned up in that fire? They could have WALKED OUT of their own accord. BUT THEY DID NOT. Dan 3:25 He said, "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods."

They stayed there--RIGHT IN THE FIRE! CUHRAZY if you ask me!!!

They knew their God was going to be glorified & more-so they stayed in that fire until they were instructed to walk out. Actually they did tell the king they would be rescued but if not, they still trusted God: Dan 3:17 "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king." AND Dan 3:18 "But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Either way--they willingly chose to STAY in the fire. In the end...we see what happened.

If you are in the fire, do not fear. Pray for angels to be near--to feel God near. I know He is. He IS moving, He has not forgotten about you or your situation--whatever it may be.

Be still...even in the fire.
Praise God, even if the rescue is not speedy or what you would have imagined it was going to look like.

CRASHing down the walls

God recently brought to my memory an incident that happen over 15 years ago. My oldest was probably around 2 years old (he's 19.5 now)--though he was not with me and the incident did not involve him.

I was in community college and would ride my bike to and from school. The Mr. and I had been married a couple years and he worked @ Pep Boys back then. I was riding my bike, as I always did, wearing my floral print rayon skirt-shorts that were popular in the 90's. A professor was in his car in the driveway to the staff parking lot, on his way out.

Next  thing I know, I am under his car. I am getting hit by a car. This car is going to run over my legs. What is this going to feel like? Am I going to die? His front passenger tire pins my left thigh to the steel frame of my bike, mangled between my legs, as I lie on the black asphalt. My butt is showing!  I have no memory of it, but somehow I jump up quickly so I am not 'exposed'.

I am sitting on the curb of the street. My right hand has a cut on the back of it, between my thumb and forefinger, where the handle of the hand break broke as I gripped it. From the impact, I assume. Unusual for me, I am sobbing uncontrollably. I take slow deep breathes in an attempt to control my emotions but I can't stop crying. I have no other noticeable injuries.

"Are you ok?" A male student asks. The professor approaches, he is shaken up and looks worried.

"I," deep breath, "am ok." Another deep breath. "I don't know why," deep breathe, "I am crying." Deep breath. "I can't stop crying."

"Is there someone we can call?" the professor asks.
Deep breath, "Call my husband." Deep breath.
I guess I communicated that he was working at Pep Boys and someone calls him.
An ambulance arrives. I still haven't stopped crying. An EMT asks if I want to go to the hospital. I don't have insurance or money for this. I continue to insist I am fine. He wraps my hand with a bandage and tape. Am I going to get billed for this? I am too embarrassed to ask aloud.

A police officer questions me. "Which direction were you going?" "Were you riding in the street?"

"Well, not until I realized he was going to hit me," I remember answering. I get the feeling this is my fault...or that the officer thinks so.

My husband arrives. I am sure he must've asked if I was ok, my memory gets fuzzy here too. Turns out the Mr. knows this professor from a class he had with him before. I remember standing there and watching the Mr and the professor laugh and joke about the incident and feeling very disconnected. The Mr. puts my bike in the trunk of our Buick Regal--it fits now that it is bent beyond repair, the front tire rim in a nearly 90 degree angle.

What God showed me in this memory was MY own wall of independence. I did not allow myself to be vulnerable. I felt I had to be ok. I insisted I was fine. I believed I had to take care of myself--I didn't *need* anyone. It would make a fun story later--it was no big deal, right? If I wasn't 'ok', it meant I was weak. I couldn't be weak.

As I remember this incident--God also shows me the deep, true need I had in that moment. The crying--a normal response for a traumatic, adrenaline rushing experience. I was NOT 'ok'. My 130 lb body had just been hit by a car that had to have weighed at least a few *thousand* pounds. Yes, I could have been killed. Things were NOT 'fine'. It is miraculous that I walked away. Period. And with only the cut on my hand and eventually, an excessively large bruise on the inside of my left leg. What I needed was a protector. What I needed, was to be told I was NOT ok. I needed someone... I needed the Mr. to give me a giant bear hug and allow me to crumble into a puddle into his arms--comfort. (it's possible this happened but it's not what I remember)

My own defensive wall pushed away, in an attempt to cover up, the very thing I really needed. The past is past. God, however, knows our needs. He knew them back then and He knows them now. He is the one who fulfills those needs. He's created needs within us to drive us to Him for fulfillment, satisfaction, to make us whole. Of course, most often we hold back out of fear...of rejection, of not getting our needs met. Christ never rejects.

Thinking I needed to be strong and take care of myself is exactly opposite of how God created me, created us. There is grace and redemption in that: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2Cor 12:9 

By being vulnerable, admitting we have needs, we allow God to work through Himself and sometimes others to fulfill that need. If we push others away in an attempt to 'be strong'--we close ourselves off to love...and off to others. A lose-lose situation. And if we are closed off to receiving love, it is safe to assume we are closed off to giving love as well. This memory gave me so much more insight to all the moments after this one--in my life-long pursuit, desire and fight to love and be loved.

I thought I was a fearless lover of people--but this incident clearly reveals I was not. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1John 4:18


No more fear.


My love-story is not over...and neither is yours.

A Few Simple ways to Teach your Children to have a Heart of Prayer

Most Christians will admit the importance of prayer in their lives, whether they practice the discipline or not. Christian parents will agree they want their children to pray regularly as well. The most common prayer times would be around shared meals in the form of saying grace, at least. I wonder how often that really happens these days as even in our own home, we don't eat around a common table very often anymore. For one reason, we don't all fit around the table! Also, we are often eating meals at various times.

Another common time to pray with children is before bed, am I right? I used to do this too and then the Mr. took over the bedtime ritual. Nighttime prayers, said together, hardly ever happen these days. However, if you don't pray at these traditional times you can still utilize other times of the day.

What I have found works is emphasizing to my kiddos that prayer can be anytime. I believe God meant it when he wrote and instructed us to, "Pray without ceasing." 1 Thess 5:17KJV. Therefore what I am nurturing in my own children is an attitude of prayer that is not restricted to specific times. For example, we spend a lot of time praying in the car. Nearly an hour when I am driving oldest to work. We pray all the way there and all the way back.

Another thing we do is pray for specific people using reminders. Such as, when we see a specific car of someone we know, we say a simple prayer for that person, every.time.we.see.that.car! This is our prayer: "Dear Lord, bless _______ & may he/she be the man/woman of God you have created them to be." Often we've been on a drive and seen a specific car, one right after another. That person is having prayers for blessings prayed for them sometimes 10 times in a drive!!!

I also encourage them to pray for *everything* they think of. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.   Eph 6:18 NIV. I believe and want to encourage within them, an attitude of prayer that goes to God for everything and in every situation. I want praying to be second nature for them. A habit they think of to do *first*, not as a last resort when they are desperate. I want them to be comfortable approaching their Holy Father with every concern of their heart.

It's never too early (or late!)  and they are never too young, to begin teaching your children to pray. Even my 3yo has simple 2 sentence prayers he prays.

Another thing we do is to pray scripture. We recite God's promises to us in our prayers and pray they will come to pass in our lives. We quote scripture to reinforce God's word within our hearts and souls. We often repeat actual scriptures of God's promises and instructions to us.

I encourage them to pray with thanksgiving when they are happy and also when they are sad...even if they are angry or upset. I want my children to view God as approachable--in whatever state they may be in. I want them to know that He will *never* reject them when they come to him.  Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matt 19:14

When my children are emotionally upset or disturbed, I pray over them. If they are being ornery, I pray over them. Even the 3yo, if he is being extra mischievous or out of sorts, I will get down to his level, ask him to look at me and say a one sentence prayer to calm his spirit and while still making eye contact-tell him he is loved. It is *amazing* how this affects him positively. His entire demeanor and attitude changes.

Yes, being an example is also important. However, most of my deep prayer times are alone in my room, mornings before I even get out of bed & at night before I go to sleep. My children wouldn't really know that I do that. BUT praying WITH them, is much more effective, I think.

Prayers don't need to be elaborate to be effective. Talking aloud with God, in front of your children will suffice. Ask them to agree with you within their hearts. Their hearts and souls will be affected, whether they realize it or not.